Hello all, I'm 25 and just coming to terms with my identity. In a month I'm moving to a new place where I think my LGBT identity will be something I am better able to work on, but I was wondering how other people went about learning stuff. I feel kind of stupid for not knowing things already (avoided in HS and undergrad) and am embarrassed to be figuring stuff out so late. Any advice?
Hey there. Don't be embarrassed. It's never too late to learn new things, and no one should ridicule you for not knowing, especially if you're just coming to terms with your identity. If you have any questions, many people will be more than willing to answer them. Just ask away. And while I'm at it, welcome! Haha.
29 here and just now getting around to figuring out who I really am. Try not to compare your journey to anyone else's. I highly recommend therapy if it is an option for you. It will help you to make steps forward in a healthy way. Also check out LGBT-friendly meetup.com groups in the new area you are moving to. Always good to have a supportive network of friends. Welcome to EC!
I agree with the advice about seeing a counselor. I think I never would have taken that first step to tell someone.... anyone.... that I was gay. A few months ago it seemed so unspeakable, but now a small number of very important people in my life know. My counselor got me to that point. It's not huge, but it's something I didn't think would ever happen. Good luck! Let us know about your progress! I am several years older than you and I've been hiding this forever. It's not just you.... EC will teach you that.
I'm 37 and know exactly how you feel! I try looking at it as it's better to figure it now than never. I lost many years, but I will hopefully have many more ahead of me. Congratulations and welcome!
I could tell you about how I learnt stuff, but I would never recommend emulating my experience. To put it simply, I made a lot of mistakes and learnt from them. That's life I guess. 25 isn't an unusual time to come to terms with yourself (identity, orientation etc..), most people spend their entire lives learning about themselves and different priorities are given to different aspects at any given time. So feel proud that you've identified something that you want to work on. It sounds like you know that you're gay. That's a good start. Have you come out to family/friends/yourself etc...? What kinds of things do you want to work on first? Peace! (*hug*)
Hello and welcome. I'm going to agree with everyone else here and recommend talking with a councillor and therapy. Your definitely not too old. I completely relate to avoiding the issue. I never really began to think about it till I was 24. My mistake was my arrogance think I could figure it all out myself even though there was support I could have used. Come from a family that sees asking for help as weakness. I'm now 31 and still working on coming out regretting not doing it earlier.
LpcJD: I'm 51, and just really coming out to myself, so congrats and hang in there. As many of the posters above noted, professional therapy might be helpful. In fact, I'm trying to locate a LGBTIQ friendly therapist at the current time. Good luck!
I think moving to a new place, a new city is the best way for people to grow and be out when they previously were not able to. It's a way to make it exciting, and fresh and new. You are doing it the way I often suggest, start a fresh new life in a different place, preferably one with a healthy gay community. You can begin as you wish to, there is not one way or one age, or anything like that. You can go slow telling only a few strangers one at a time in your new location, or go to a group meeting and just be out by being there, not even saying anything. (guilt by association, LOL!!!) 25 is very young imo. Don't even worry about that. Welcome to your brand new exciting era of life.
thanks for support everyone i guess my biggest fear is that every issue I have is now going to be "due to the fact I'm gay." I feel like a lot of the relationship stuff I need to work on is the same stuff that everyone needs to work on, but the idea of everyone fixating on this one piece of my identity is rather upsetting.
I think you will find that once you come out it won't be an issue for most people. They'll accept it and treat you like anyone else. I can't see anyone saying 'due to the fact that you're gay'
You might need to expand on what kind of "stuff" you think you need to learn about, and what kind of "issues" will be affected by being gay... Depending on where you plan to live, and what kind of work you plan to do, being gay shouldn't be an issue at all in terms of work, housing, trasit, food, banking, friends, etc. I understand that when this realization if fairly new, it tends to consume our thoughts. But that will pass, and being gay will not feel like an overwhelming dimension of your life. It will simply be a part of who you are. Being gay does impact who you date though. And if you're new to this characteristic about yourself, then perhaps you haven't dated much. But if you're comfortable enough to be 'out' to most people, and open to making new friends, then dating will likely just happen fairly naturally. Meet people, do things with them (sports, clubs, travel, social events, volunteer work), establish friendships, and either one of those will evolve into something more, or one of those friends will introduce you to someone. Good luck! And welcome to EC!
