Bi or gay?

If you sexually attracted to both sexes you are bi in orientation; if you are only attracted sexually to other males you are gay. You can take the "flexuality" test if you want to; just Google "flexuality test" if you want to do a sort of multiple choice-like self-assessment, and answer the questions as honestly as you can about how you truly feel, not how you want to feel. The results are not certifiably absolute, but it might give you some things to think about. If you feel like sharing the results back here, then we can talk more about it, and other more subjective ways you can help sort things out.

 

Hey, K. Your question comes up over and over again...and (not unlike an Alzheimer's patient) I keep answering it. I suggest you take a look at some recent threads on this topic in the Romantic and Sexual Orientation section.

For my own part, I'll try something new...questions instead of answers! Here ya go:

Why do you ask?

 

I thought I was big for some time, but I looked at women, thought about it, and.. I did not see it. No attraction. And I even looked at prefixes. When I thought about having a girlfriend, I was like meh. But when I thought of having a boyfriend... a boyfriend.. it makes my toes curl and I blush a lot thinking about having a BOYfriend.. You'll find out!

---------- Post added 25th Jun 2014 at 12:07 AM ----------

*bi

 

Hi Kreativ

I only recently began 'allowing' myself same-sex attraction / fantasy, and since then have almost exclusively been thinking about guys. But I won't make any call until I have a bit of actual experience. I need to first even kiss a guy, which I have not as yet done, lie with, make love to a guy. Then I will be in a better position, if you'll pardon the pun , to know for sure whether I'm merely bi, or gay. I think that is the only way to be sure.

kind regards
Damien

 

Wow that happned to me too. Once I accepted my bisexuality a year ago, my lesbian thoughts have been flooding in like a high speed train with no breaks. Now I'm beginning to think I'm gay. So far it does't seem to be a phase.

I second what Damien says about gaining experience. Have you ever had any experiences with the same sex at all? What about online . Lots of people cam these days...

 

I just spent time reflecting on my feelings and experiences. I was in a long term relationship and marriage with my ex-wife and we had kids. However, when we separated, I looked back over my past I realised that there were times when I had been attracted to guys.

I then had to consider whether I was genuinely attracted to guys as well as girls and would I be willing to have a relationship and intimacy with a guy. I came to the conclusion that I found it just as appealing as with a girl and thus realised I was bi.

I also have to point out I only went through this when I was 32 (I'm 33 now) as when I was married I never really addressed the issue. I only mention that to illustrate that many of use only confront our orientation a little later in life.

Happy days

 

Lol, I've been having a ton of little fantasy moments about "making out" which I never was really into before. Never quite understood why someone would want to do that.

Also, sounds like I made a huge mistake not joining the army. I did a whole quarter of ROTC and everything.

 

I imagine I would need to use all my powers of suppression to stop an erection from forming and embarrassing the hell out of me.

 

I realised that I wasn't even slightly romantically/sexually attracted to women, no matter how beautiful they are.
No matter how often I told myself that I did find them attractive, no matter how much I prayed to be attracted to them, it just wasn't happening.

Also, the moment I gave up caring about having a "normal" life was the moment that bi evaporated and gay rainbows started flying out of my bum.

Peace! (*hug*)

 

Oh to have freedom.
Frustrated here, love wife, but all I crave is a guy.
Trick myself into thinking just bisexual, and for the sake of the kids hope I can keep that going another decade or so.. Fu## am a pissed off ranting alacholic almost now...
I will never be free, I will never have a man, I will never never ... Gajjhh I give up, will just run away one day and that will be that.
Grr hate feeling that, wife is supportive, but life so busy , fu## fi##.
Driving me totally outta my mind.
All I want Is a guy, but then i tell myself that's just a fantasy and i cant be gay just bi, but i am pretty sure that am gay, but still trapped in part denial, and part social position bullsh1t.
Going outs my mind for it here, she makes it harder by doing what she can to make me feel ok, which is great and means i Keely life, but prolongs things.
Not strong enough to walk away from.my whole life yet though. Don't ever want hetro sex, other than reveiving ally layers of self programming which i use to make myself want sex, gahhhh .... Can't talk to anyone other than here, to distressing, councillor just told me what i already knew, they would take the kids if worried about self harm or myental stability, loose loose loose ot feels like.
Freaking out a bit

 

In all honesty, I read this as more gay than bi, but I am not fond of pre-printed labels to describe the wide array of subtleties in sexuality. From your other postings, it seems that you are more excited by sexual interactions with males, than with women, but just not ready for heavy-duty intercourse with them. What you describe as "making out" with kissing and skin touching has an erotic appeal to you, which suggests that your orientation is gay, even though your current behavior isn't. We both grew up at a time when even that was a no-no, and intercourse would have been a criminal act in the armed forces. It's hard to get from there to any kind of "new normal" programming of your brain to accept a full-on homosexual relationship. Maybe that is why you come across as "transitioning", which might also be thought of as "questioning" where you are. I suspect that you are probably in the process of realizing that you are gay and unsure about accepting it, due to your previous heterosexual experiences. That seems to be par for the course around here in the LGBT Later in Life group. Think about it; look at yourself in the mirror for the next week and say "I am gay" and see if it feels right or not; if you ultimately feel like this is who you are, then just accept it and start figuring out what you are going to do about it, if anything.

 

Thanks Kreativ, im getting there. Didn't mean to sound so down in my post there, feeling a lot better now.
The wife is good, she gives me a poke if I start going into denial again, which happens a few days each month is seems..
She says she is ok with me being gay, if I dont say that to others and tell them im bi if I have to. To me she says she is happy with a 5% of me which is bi, makes me feel a bit awful that she is prepared to settle for just that, and that I know im not fullfilling her sexual needs, but we have young kids, and having already had a disaster of a relationship in my twenties, splitting up when my first kid was less that a year old, I owe it to her to try my best to be both open and honest and at the same time not just run away and enyounthe rainbow out of my bottom also. I need a man to support me!
Im quite a femme, and been a long long boat trip up de-nile.
Thanks for your meditations my way, its appreciated, and like others the support from all here is both invaluble and welcomed and needed, sometimes more than others.
Have spent clost to £100 on body art pens which I enjoy.
lol, went swimming last night, bit of a panic attach when realised whilst changing, lol my legs were all covered in big pink and purple flowers and swirls, dashed to shower to scrub itnoff fast (the local pool, my old school first time.back in 25 years, scary) and a bloke started chatting to me in the nude!
There is hope!
Happy happy, calm relaxed. Interspace transcend past base programming..
Need a paaarrty to let it all go...
Cardiff pride perhaps?