But I don't know how to explain it to him that I am fluid & demisexual. A few days ago we were talking about my feelings for women and I don't think he understands. I don't feel for women like how he does...it's not about lust, it's about a connection. Sure women catch my eye when I'm walking down the street, I could stare a little longer if she's wearing a revealing outfit, but those things don't mean much to me. If I meet a woman I can connect with then I have feelings for them. I'm also fluid, as in I have gay days, bi days and even straight days. I feel like if I explain this to him he may think I'm kind of messed up. I'm more of the type to want to read about the love between women - I don't even care about the sex very much. And OMG he even casually mentioned a 3-some sometime in the future to where I flat out said no. Last thing I want to see is the man I love with another women. That one kind of made me a bit angry.
Can you see that your husband is sort of taking stabs in the dark here? You've told him you're bi, but maybe haven't explained it thoroughly enough for fear of him thinking your "messed up". But in the mean time, he obviously doesn't know what the implications of that are. So despite your fear of appearing messed up, you might need to have that kind of talk with him.
1. How do you feel about potentially dating other women? Would that make you feel validated or are you strictly into monogamy? 2. How do you feel about staying with your husband? 3. Why not try to explain to him your fluid demisexuality? Maybe without the use of all those "scary" labels. 4. I wonder if he might be feeling a little jealous? Like if he were to support you dating women, maybe he just wants to stay involved so that he would feel closer to you. Threesomes aren't for everyone; but I think they get a bad rap from guys being creepy and asking bi women to do things for their own benefit. It's often a heterosexual fantasy that has nothing to do with the actual bisexual experience. But it's also possible for it to be a healthy activity for a couple to engage in with someone else they trust, and it could be a way for your husband to support you without feeling jealous himself. That being said, your sexuality is your own and you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. But I wouldn't be too quick to demonize your husband. He probably didn't intend it to be an excuse to cheat with another woman and for it to be "ok" because you're there and also participating. I wonder how open your communication is with your husband? Can you be honest and open with your feelings or do you feel like you have to censor yourself around him? Could you be seeking that connection with women because of this? (I'm just wondering, I have no experience in this so I could be making this all up...)
Most men think it's just about sex when it comes to lesbians and bisexual women. I think you need to tell him it's not like that with you.maybe he can learn from you
Seems like a lot of straight men just think that bisexuality is a fetish for them. He probably suggested the threesome for his own benefit.
Disagree; I give him the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like he's not sure how to handle his wife's bisexuality, and maybe wants to let her explore it without getting jealous himself. If she is clearer about what she wants/doesn't want with him, maybe he'll realize that's not the approach to take. When a wife comes out as bi to her husband, he might just be concerned that she'll leave him for another woman, so it's safer to explore in a threesome than let her go off on dates to develop romantic attraction. I'm not saying he's right; I'm saying he's not necessarily a bad person to try and let his wife explore this side alongside him.
You're right. He doesn't get it. He probably never will because he's not bisexual or fluid and wouldn't have experienced these feelings for guys, even though he probably has guy friends. ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2014 at 07:46 AM ---------- Stand your ground. That would be tough to see, as you say. Threesomes typically spell trouble and the opening of a Pandora's box, in my humble opinion. I think he's looking at this as "more bang for the buck," no pun intended. But I don't think he's alone. I think most straight men who are cool with having a bisexual wife have the threesome thing, or some other side dish opportunity, cross their minds.
I understand not all men are like this. The main reason I think he's like this is that he keeps pestering her to have a threesome when she straight out explains she isn't comfortable with being intimate with someone she doesn't love. He obviously doesn't understand and thinks bisexuality is a fetish for himself, otherwise he would stop pestering her and actually stop to listen on how her attraction works. But it sounds more like he wants her to have that threesome since he thinks her attraction to women is 'kinky' and wants it for himself. The main red flag with some men is if they think it's 'okay' for their wife to sleep with another woman, but not for her to sleep with another man. I would have the OP ask him if they could have a MFM threesome too and watch for his reaction. That will pretty much imply whether he actually cares about her sexual curiosity or whether It's a selfish thing for him to get off to.
Some men are concerned but many of them think Oh I can get my 3some fantasy a lot of straight men use bisexual women for that some even force them into . I wouldn't give most men the benefit of the doubt , because he would have let her explore it without him why does he need to be in it ? ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2014 at 08:37 AM ---------- If she asked him for and MFM 3some we all know he would say no It's a fetish for him and he's only thinking of himself and not his wife .
have you uh, told your husband what you posted here because if he thinks it is just bisexual then he needs to know the rest, to understand why it would be a no that might help that'll be one hundred and twenty five american dollars please
this was a good answer she should be paid ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2014 at 09:07 AM ---------- This because if he was really caring he wouldn't act like that we would be only thinking of what you wanted and not what he wants .
I think a term maybe your husband would be familiar with is bromance. Most straight guys understand what its like to love your male friends deeply, but platonically. So maybe put it that way? Honestly...if I have a partner and they say they are bisexual, my immediate thought is the reason they are telling me this is to indicate wither it is ok to explore this side sexually. And if they are saying that, then unless you are saying we should have an open relationship of some sort, where you can do whatever you want, so I am allowed to do that as well, I'd be very strained about you going out with someone, just so that you fall in love with them and dump me. I don't want to stereotype, but men equate sexual connection not with 'lust', they really feel connected by being allowed to physically interact that way. I understand that women don't always see it that way. So I don't think you should vilify him for his reaction. Try the bromance thing.
I just wanted to respond to this because I can relate to it a lot... I'm a married bi woman with a preference for women. When I discussed my attraction to women and desire to be with one with my husband, he actually said he was fine with it and that he did not consider me being with another woman to be cheating. Well, of course I was very happy with this and still am, since I've always wanted to be with a woman. Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be with another woman. But of course whenever my husband finds out I'm seeing another girl, his immediate response is "When's the threesome?" I mean, a part of me feels that maybe I have no right to complain, since maybe I should by just having a husband who's ok with me seeing other women, period. But another thing is that, well, a lot of the women aren't interested in anything like that. They're either bi, but also have a man that might be OK with them seeing women but NOT another man, or else they are fully lesbian. I know what you mean by the "fluid bisexual" thing, too. I feel I am very much a fluid bisexual, I've felt differing attractions throughout my life. When I was 11, I actually felt for sure that I was a lesbian -- I could only imagine myself with a woman, and never a man. I felt this way for years until I fell in love with a man, and realized that I was attracted to men, too. I remained mostly attracted to men for a few years and after while settled upon the feeling that more than anything else, I didn't like using labels to describe myself and instead figured that I loved people for who they were on the inside, not gender. I guess if you had to use a word to describe me, it would be bisexual or pansexual. Then recently, I started feeling more gay than anything else and felt an overwhelming desire to be with another woman, romantically and sexually. For the time being I've settled on the description of "bisexual, but with a preference for women." I very much love my husband, but I'm not attracted to any other men and am only attracted to other women.
Its just kinda that usually straight men dream is threesome with two woman. Like when i still thought i was bi, i was asked couple of times to join threesome.. Also my boyfriend was allways like oh i do love to see that, can i come watch? When i mentioned about my preference for woman. But yeah if u are taking relationship seriously atleast way i think of it. Its not smart idea to do it cuz it hurts you, at least it would hurt me to see man i liked lusting for another woman. But maybe u should explain him that u do not wanna see him with another woman and it would hurt you to see. He might get angry or frustared but if he cares for you he should understand.
And another thing is like... to your husband, imagining you with another woman, or the possibility of a threesome, is all, ooh, "hot fun and games." And to me, it's more like, yeah, while I find it very hot and fun as well, it's more than just that... it's also the total emotional intimacy and bonding that comes with being with another woman. When I first slept with a woman, it was a very emotional experience and something that I felt helped me understand myself and my sexual identity better... while my husband was just like "Ooh, can I watch?" There's just something about being with a woman that is so satisfying, that I can't quite put my finger on... and it's not even necessarily that it's hotter, or the genitals involved. It's just that it's so emotional, intimate, and a total bonding experience. Like there's a totally different dynamic at play.
