Well I did it today, I've asked for a divorce

Kudos to you quietman, for your courage, your sensitivity and ethical values. I wish you as painless as possible change in your life, and a new happy, loving relationship in your future, (and for your wife the same, of course).
(*hug*)

 

I certainly can understand, there is no need to explain, you must do what is right for your own situation. You are doing the right thing by her, and this will bring both of you a measure of peace after so much tragedy.

I wish you well!

 

Every story is different and we all have to do things in the way we feel is best for us and those around us. Making sure that she is provided for is very noble and responsible, and shows a lot of character. Just don't get too caught up in guilt about "the lie" and the past. You can't change it, and it will stop you from moving forward with your life. Very unexpected things can happen as you find yourself coming out, and making decisions on the basis of guilt over the past can stop you from fully appreciating the present. Good luck, and good move.

 

Wow, you have had a very troubled life man and i am so proud that you overcome your fear in asking for it.

We could all look up to you for the incredible strength you have! Congratulations! And i'm sure you feel a lot better now that burden has been lifted!

 

Hi quietman

I wish you both well as this new part of your journey unfolds. Yeah I feel for her too, but as you imply in your post, complete openness and honesty is so important for a healthy relationship - and your honesty about what you are capable of, and about what you need to live a full and rich life, is important now, as you move towards just being friends, which I hope works out ok for you both. Just a word: she could, at some stage, go through some difficulties in letting go, and might, in a blind, unconscious way, kind of emotionally strike out at you; do be patient with her if that happens.

A hug (*hug*) for the both of you

 

I'm happy to hear that you overcame this fear and are able to start a new chapter in your life. I hope that it's the best and I can't wait to hear back on what's going on. Best wishes!

 

Quietman I am proud of you. You took the next step. Such courage. You may be hurting right now but you are on a journey and you are moving forward. You have a lot to cope with just now but take comfort in that there are some who wish they were where you are now. Thinking of you both (*hug*)

 

As others have said, every situation is different. Every situation needs its own solution. And sometimes creativity.

I really admire you in continuing to care about your wife. A lot of men frankly don't. (I'm not pointing any fingers at anyone here. I'm actually more thinking about men in my family.)

My best wishes for all of you.

 

Best to you, quietman. I can tell you that there have been some real ups and downs in my process but that I think I'm on a better path that'll be worth it. And dealing with things honestly and with empathy towards my wife has made all the difference.

 

You are a strong person, quietman. Both of you seem to be working through this very maturely. I'm sure the feelings and emotions can be overwhelming for both of you at times. I'm confident that you will remain civil and remain friends. I indeed hope so.

 

Sounds like you are being very responsible and supportive to both your wife and your own needs for life and health and wholeness. I understand so well how hard this has been for you. I am also a very loyal roommate to my wife. She has been through enough pain in life and I feel compelled to do all in my power to support her moving into the future.

Thanks for sharing your journey.

A fellow Traveler: Josh

 

I wish you and your wife only the best as you sort out what will work out for the both of you.

 

I can understand it is sad. But to my view what will be going away will be that which doesn't work--that is, the formal straight marriage. I hope what did work will survive and get even stronger. To me, there is value in "good friends" (as you phrased it in the original post). Especially a friend who has weathered bad storms.

 

I cried when I was straight (or thought I was), and I cry now that I'm not, when I really need to. So long as you're not about to address a board meeting, or the Nation, or whatever - in other words, when you have a quiet moment alone, or are with a close friend - there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Shedding tears can help to unburden us of all the stored-up pain we sometimes carry around. It's just as manly to cry, as it is to laugh, to smile, or anything else.

Damien. (&&&)

 

Quietman… Damien is right… the tears are important… for me it has all to do with 'learning to feel'…. as I've done this in many ways (joy with my family and friends, sadness over losses, excitement over men!)… I realize I want that expression from me to be so much bigger… I'm learning just how healthy it is!

 

So true. I've gotten emotionally flatter over the years and probably cry once every 3 to 5 years. I was better at it when I was younger. It is good for the soul to cry every now and then. Embrace it.