He knew I was getting divorced and was confused by it. Went well. It wasn't even an unprecedented occurrence for him as I'm the 2nd of his married friends to tell him that. Lol
I was so relieved when he said that I was the 2nd. I thought it would be fine but even better to have less that I might have needed to explain.
Well done, and great to hear. I do think that every time someone comes out - essentially, is simply able to be upfront and unashamed about who they are, which one day, it is to be hoped, will be the norm - that yet another ripple is sent out, and these many ripples are all creating a bigger wave that will one day, wash away all the residual homophobia in the world. I would like to think that within my lifetime, a man and his boyfriend, or a woman and her girlfriend, will be able to walk hand in hand, or kiss in public, without any fear or being villified for it, in every major city of the world. Every time we are honest and open, yet another ripple is sent out! ride:
Good on ya, man. im not out as far as you but im working on it, great to hear positive stories like this.
I can't even begin to tell you how much easier it gets to tell people after the first few. You reach a point where you just want people to know, and it becomes a very liberating thing. I'm still married and will be for a time, so I can't be wildly "out" yet, change my Facebook status to "Interested in Men" etc. because she is still adjusting and I want to be fair (which can be frustrating as well, but she didn't ask for this, so I do want to do right by her). But telling people individually has actually kept me same through the waiting and the limbo, because I can do it in a controlled way so she isn't as directly affected for now. And I have to say as well that while my brother's reaction was probably the most tense--accepting, but tense--none of the 2 dozen or more people I've told have had a hateful or unkind reaction. If you're already perceived as a decent person, you will be given a lot of kindness.
Thanks everybody! ---------- Post added 7th Jul 2014 at 06:43 PM ---------- Choirboy, I'm also trying to be fair as she certainly didn't ask for this either. It has its own ups and downs. She's too much a part of me not to do right by her, if I can. If this dumb house weren't underwater, we would really have very few issues. She has, at times, been encouraging to me, especially after the initial shock. I told her that I was thinking of going to the bar the other night, and she heavily encouraged it. In some ways it makes it harder, cause I really am giving up on a relationship with a pretty terrific person, but it seems so much clearer than ever that it can't go on.
I'm not sure what's easier, having a spouse want to erase your existence, or being kind and accepting! My wife's reactions have been all across the board, and our relationship has definitely had challenges for years, but we both are hoping for, and awkwardly working towards, an eventual friendship. It's not easy, but it's probably a good thing for both of us and for the kids. I do find myself losing patience sometimes as a result, since I'm in my early 50's and I feel like I've missed so much already. Plus, I've found a wonderful guy and am very ready to start building a life with him, but am being forced to slow down, which is likely a good thing, but it's frustrating too. His wife is working hard to eradicate all signs of his existence from her life as quickly as possible, which is hurtful and and unkind, but the band-aid is being pulled off quickly instead of gradually, and sometimes I wish that had happened with me. But everyone's situation is different, and I think one of the biggest challenges we face in this process is realizing that we have to come out at our own pace, in our own way, based on our own lives, and take understanding and support from others without applying their entire experience to our own. Just remember that if you really want the relationship to continue, there can be ways to salvage the best of it, even as you move on with a new life. Good luck!
