Im currently questioning. Well been questioning 7yrs now. Ive a complicated situation. I have erectile dysfunction since I got a virus as a late teenager. All my teens I loved masturbating about girls and got a thrill out of it. My routine would be twice a day. I remember particularly as a 15 year old being on vacation and seing girls my age and feeling horny and couldnt wait to go back to my house and masturbate about them. I masturbated exclusively about girls and was enjoying it and so had no reason to question or anything. I went to an all boys high school and never had a crush or was in any way aroused by any students. It never even occured to me to think of guys sexually. I fantasised about female teachers and had a happy teenage years. All my problems started after the erection problems. I found my erections were softer than before even during kissing girls and masturbation. They were always rock hard before all the time. For a couple of years I didnt worry about it and assumed they would return but they never did. I have always been an anxious person and was shy around girls and not experienced. I attempted sex once age 20 (post E.D onset) and failed to get hard enough. I began to freak out I had contracted aids because my penis brushed her vagina even though she was 18 and a virgin. I went for an aids test 3 months later. It scared me badly thinking I might die. Anyway it put me off sex as I felt it was dangerous. I also remember fingering a girl age 21 and found some blood on my finger and totally freaked out and washed my hand numerous times and again thought I might have caught some STD/Aids. As a teen I used to love looking forward to the day I would hook up and have sex with girls and feeling their bodies which I was curious about and wanted to do naughty things to. Because of a few failed attempts at sex I began to avoid hooking up with girls and would feel anxiety if a girl asked me back to her place. I would make my excuse and leave. People began to think I was gay. I went to doctors about the E.D. and was sent to urologists and tests were done. This process took a few years and I got a few opinions. 2 out of 3 urologists said it was a physical problem and one said it was mental. I didnt know who to believe. I was impotent 6 yrs at this stage. Because my sex drive had lowered significantly and even masturbating about girls became boring and lost the thrill (it was now just routine) and harder to get aroused. I worried about my erections and was really down over it. After one of the urologists said it was mental I began to look for reasons why it wasnt working. I eventually started questioning my orientation. Maybe Im not aroused by girls?? Anyway I started to masturbate about guys to test my reactions and was terrified when my erections improved (the rush returned). They didnt improve to what they were but the stiffness went from 5 out of 10 to a 8 out of 10. It was still a bit soft but because it got harder I freaked out and assumed I was gay. On one level it didnt make sense. All my youth I loved masturbating about girls, craved a loving girlfriend, looked forward to sex with them etc.. But I was thinking if my dick reacted more to guys then I have to be gay and so panic stated. This was 2007. My erections are still poor and never returned to normal even though I keep looking at gay porn to see if it makes me hard and checking my reactions. (I found gay porn boring and horrible tbh). This reassured me for a little while but I kept doubting. Anyway soon after I started worrying about being gay I started to get groinal responses to guys. I dunno if its accurate to call them arousals because I never got an erection. I get this horrible sexual feeling down there and a feeling I am about to get erect but never do. It scares me and usually happens when I see a guy topless or sitting or standing close to a man. I never had these before the worry started. I saw topless guys and never felt anything before. When they started I would go to the bathroom and start masturbating about whatever cause the reaction and see if it made me hard. I found it hard to get it up. but my doubts persisted and started thinking I was repressing it somehow and so really tried to get into it even though I was scared and didnt want to get off to guys. So I would fail and next time try even harder to relax and get into it. I never got a full erection but was able to come. Sometimes the orgasm would feel more intense which scared me. Anyway I couldnt understand it as my whole past was straight. I still went out to clubs and kissed girls etc.. I have never kissed a guy. Lately Ive been on ###### sexting a girl. She invited me over and I suddenly became very anxious again and declined. I am worried why I am anxious about what a normal guy would be dying to go over and do her. So I question myself. I think its because I must be gay. Have any of you guys discovered you were gay by a similar process? I am sick of worrying about this. Also I have a gay finger ratio. Do yout hink that means I was born gay? How accurate is it?
I dont think the gay finger ratio thing is accurate tbh( sounds like a load of hoopla to me) so I would not pay attention to that ........I'm not really sure what kind of advice to give you...if it's mental maybe hold off from porn and masterbating and see how that goes....or maybe you want to experiment with a guy and see how you like it....but I'm kinda curious to know why it terrifies you so much to be attracted to guys? is it a thing about how society might view you?
Obviously being gay and fearing telling people is part of it but the biggest reason is losing my identity. Its like my whole life up to age 25 I thought and was happy about being straight and that has been taken away from me. Im 32 now. I am actually scared of the groinal reactions to guys. I dont like them. They make me scared and anxious.
Hang in there. relax and don't add pressure to your sexuality. If something arouses you go with it. Don't put a label on yourself. Try finding a therapist to talk to and be open and honest. Your information is confidential and can not be shared.
As far as the erections are concerned, have you tried the Viagra, Cialis, Levitra sort of ED medications? With any reasonable kind of stimulation, male or female, those should produce a useable erection unless there is a physical problem that is insurmountable, which based on your 8 of 10s doesn't sound like it is the case. On the mental side of things, it isn't about who you want to be aroused by, it is who you are actually aroused by that counts for your "sexual identity". People who are gay often would prefer to be straight for all the obvious reasons, but reality is reality. Get the pills, do some experimenting, and try to see how you feel with men and women to figure it out. There is nothing to be scared about, or ashamed.
I have no interest in going near a guy sexually tbh. I used to get erections looking at girls or seeing them on tv or from kissing them or looking at one in a niteclub. I never have gotten erections looking at men but I get the feeling like i am about to get one. Its a bit confusing. I love girls and want how I used to feel about them back.
I have a question about masturbation. I grew up my whole life masturbating about girls only and got a thrill out of it. Was my favourite hobby as a teenager and in my early 20's. Loved it. The arousal was intense and exciting and enjoyable. However due to the erectile dysfunction it bacame boring somewhere along the line somehwere in my mid 20's. Fantasies that used to really turn me on about girls stopped having the same effect. That intensity or excitement lessened or became more dull like having listened to your favourite song too many times. Now I try masturbating about guys to check my reactions. As I am fantasising I am scared and it feels scary and intesnse but this seems to make the fantasy more real and arousing. Is the fear making my body hyper sensitive or am I just gay?? I still dont get a full hard erection however. Other times I cant get aroused by guys at all while rubbing it. I dont get it. I can get very aroused to girls or certainly used to so was I straight then and gay now? I never fancied guys growing up. I dont want a gay relationship. Some people say you can be aroused by anything sexual in nature so its hard to tell what I am. I am romantically interested in girls and always have been. I know there are male and female rape victims who reach orgasm while being raped against their will and this confuses them. Its all so compicated. Am I gay?
Have you looked at the Kinsey scale? Its not perfect but I like the idea that people are on a spectrum, and its not black or white. So you can be 60/40 gay, or 40/60, or 100%. Also, maybe if it is a mental block then fantasizing about men is mainly a way to get around it, even though its not your ideal.. Or maybe you like guys. Only you can know. Our libidos change over time too.. Perhaps meditation or talking to a councilor would help..? It can help a lot to talk to someone qualified. I went to a councilor once - it was short lived (only a few months)but it was very helpful to have a professional to ask for advice and feedback. A lot of what she said reinforced what I already knew, but it was very good hear it from someone with experience. You dont have to handle it all by yourself, or with random internet folks like myself.
I dunno whats going on. I have spoken to a sex thereapist who thought I was straight but I dont know if I can believe that. I am scared of good looking (gay looking types, like you see in boybands). Even seeing one on tv and I will feel uncomfortable and scared that I find him attractive/arousing. I dont get an erection looking at them but sometimes get a groinal response. Do gay guys get aroused just seeing someone they fancy or what do you feel? Its not a pleasant experience but wonder if its because I am homophobic and dont want to admitt Im gay.
Sure sounds like that, but you are the only person who knows. There are numerous "gay tests" you can take, of various degrees of believability. You can google and try the "Flexuality" test if you want to, and can force yourself to answer the questions honestly about how you feel, not how you think a "straight man", which you say you would like to be, should feel. It might give you something to think about or at least a slightly different perspective on what you are feeling. Saying you don't want to admit you are gay, really means you don't want to have to accept that you might be gay. If you ARE gay, you have to accept that first; admitting it to others (i.e. coming out) is something you can decide about later.
I took that test. tried to be honest and it said I was straight. Yet I am still scared and doubt constantly. I think I could be gay. I DO NOT want to have sex with men or kiss them or anything like that. Im also scared of hooking up with girls since the erection problems began. I have been sexting agirl lately and she invited me over and suddenly I got anxious and got cold feet and made my excuses. A month ago I was in a straight niteclub and a gay guy came onto me and I did not like it. I later was in the toilets later on that night after I had brushed him off earlier and had an opportunity to kiss him if I wanted as no one was around but I hated him looking at me and nearly ran out the door scared.
It really sounds like you are going though a lot of struggles. If I were you I would try to let go of the gay/not gay question for a little while, maybe pull back from dating and sexting and everything that is stressing you out and scaring you and start seeing a councilor who you can talk to about your struggles. You need to be ok with yourself how you are now before you can have a relationship of any kind... You don't need to define yourself as a person based on your sexuality or your ability in bed! It sounds like that is what you are doing and that is too bad. Whether you are gay or straight, you are still a unique and valuable person, with something to contribute to the world. Its ok to be gay, its ok to be straight. Even if you NEVER have sex again (which I doubt), you still deserve to be happy and comfortable with who you are right now.
