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Meeting immediate Family for the first time since coming out 4 years ago by email

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by poi5high, Jul 8, 2014.

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  1. poi5high

    poi5high
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    Hi,

    lately I haven't been sleeping well for the past two weeks, I have a visit to see my kids (flying two days time) who are staying with my parents. Since coming out the only family I have seen regularly is my kids they are fine with me and my partner. My parents have met my partner for a meal once I only saw them for one other meal, although they were staying in our country of residence for a whole week. This year my ex- moved to another continent and arranged for the kids to stay with my parents for July, I couldn't afford to fly them to me so am visiting them at my parents, staying with them for 10 days.

    After coming out, my ex told many lies and my parents supported her, I have 3 brothers with their own families and have since have had one call a year at the most to inform of a death/birth. After coming out I had to deal with a lot of big life challenges (not related to coming out) but had no support from family.

    I feel like I am being forced to spend time with my family against my will, but I want the visit with the kids to go well, however I still don't feel rerlaxed about meeting my family. On the one hand I feel as though I shouldn't bring up the stuff from the past but I don't think I will ever get over it properly if I don't.
     
    #1 poi5high, Jul 8, 2014
  2. Sig

    Sig
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    Hi, and welcome to EC.
    You've come to the right place for support. I wish I had some great advice for you, but my experience doesn't cover your concerns. There will be others here though that can help, I'm sure.
    I'm so sorry for the position you're in, and hope you can resolve it and be happy soon.
    (*hug*)
     
    #2 Sig, Jul 8, 2014
  3. Richie.

    Richie.
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    Not sure what to say apart from I feel your pain my relationship with my parents is strained at present and I know what it's like when parents see the ex's side over yours ..

    Just focus on your children and take your parents on face value be civil and have fun seeing your kids they're the point
     
    #3 Richie., Jul 8, 2014
  4. SimpleMan

    SimpleMan
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    I agree with the being civil part. It's obvious a lot of trust has been lost. I would caution against diving into the deeper issues if you can help it. It's almost like you are meeting them for the first time again. I think it is best to work on just being civil and casual. You are there for your children after all. Maybe there will be an opportunity to start to SLOWLY build up enough trust for them to be deserving of your confidences again at some point in the future.

    The fact that they are letting you stay with them for 10 days says something I think. If they want to bring the issues up, I would say be honest but vague. Something like, "To be honest it's been really hard. I don't want to close the door on talking about it more at some point in the future, but I am not comfortable talking about it yet as I want to make this visit with my children as positive as possible. They are the most important thing in the world to me right now."

    Of course, you know your situation best, and will be better able to figure out the situation once there. I hope you have a wonderful visit with your kids.
     
    #4 SimpleMan, Jul 8, 2014
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