Hello All! I've come here as I am sure most of you have, for support. I feel like no one in my personal life understands how I feel or would understand how I feel even if I tried to explain. So, here it is. I've dated both men and women. I have ended up in relationships with men although I have always sought to be with a woman. I am in a heterosexual relationship now but it is more like we are best friends... It's difficult to explain. To make a long story short, in my heart I know I'm a lesbian, my significant other knows as well. My sexuality is only a facet of our problems and it is on my mind everyday, I feel dirty, like I'm living a lie. I wake up at night and just two words cross my mind: I'm gay. It crosses my mind every day several times a day... That's it, I'm a lesbian living a dirty hetero lie and I feel like I can't change that. I don't want to ruin my relationship of several years and break the heart of our 5 year old but secretly swooning over women and feeling unsatisfied with romance and intimacy has taken its toll on me. I've been told to either leave or to "get over it". Well, for a girl who knew that barbies should be dating other barbies at 5, I will not get over it. For now, I need to know that I'm not the only one who has been here. Help? Thank you!
Hi, Just keep reading here. You'll shortly see your story is very common. Small comfort but maybe you'll learn something from one or more of them. Hang in there. Things can get better.
Hello WorldWalker, welcome to EC. I don't know, can you ruin a lie? If yes, it sounds like a good thing to do! How do you think you'd break your child's heart? They deserve to have a happy healthy mom and if it means their parents to live separately so be it. I wish my parents had divorced when I was a kid instead keep living together and being unhappy and stuff. I know it's hard. I myself still haven't find the courage to tell my boyfriend of 13 yrs that I'm gay and wanna break it off with him but I'll get there eventually (I just need to get myself to a less guilty frame of mind, I think). I don't want to hurt him but it's inevitable. I can notice how living this lie has been affecting my health already, how it takes all my happiness away, how it changes me and not in a good way... I couldn't agree more with the "either leave or get over it" advice. One's sexuality is a big thing and you should take responsibility for it. If you want to be with a woman you should be fair to your partner and tell him. Wish you all the best. (*hug*)
Hi WW, you're certainly not alone. My own story is different than yours, but we have similarities too, so I certainly understand what you're saying. Come here for all the support you need, and lots of good advice from a wide variety of experience. Welcome to EC