Hi, I have a wish... Here on EC it is safe. It is a pain in the butt safe but necessary to keep the gay wolf outside the door and not allow the predator inside. I spent the past year exploring gay apps, gay online dating, gay Meetup groups, gay bars and they are all the same, teaming with oddball gay wolves. They set the tone for gay anything like moths to a flame. I do not believe they are the majority but they spoil it for the majority which then withdraws. Please no lectures about there being good people amongst the wolves as; a) they are drowned out by the howling, b) they quickly withdraw from the carnage of the wolves, c) they cannot tell a lamb from a wolf in lamb's clothing (fear). I wish there was one healthy gay venue the silent majority of gays could meet at locally without the damn wolves pounding on the door demanding control and to sh@t on the carpet. Rant ended. Just a wish... Tom
Ok i think you might have used this metaphor a bit too long there as i am completely lost in what you're trying to say lol.
Example... Go into a gay bar, sit and have a beer, start a nice chat with the guy beside you, next thing you know he pulls out his phone to show you photos of the young bartender servicing him in the bathroom. There is more to life, more to love than sex. Mainstream gay venues (apps, online, bars, Meetup) hinges on sex. The constant hunt for sex.
Hi Skiff! I think you need hugs!(*hug*)(*hug*) My new view about life is: I don't want people in my life that lessen the self confidence/self worth it took 4 decades for me to achieve! Just working on being the healthiest happiest I can be. I know & love who I am. That's enough right now.
The venues for meeting "normal" gay people are few and far between, because there is no way people can make money operating an establishment where people don't buy expensive drinks and/or pay cover charges. You have to go with local social organizations or network through friends, which are generally not "on-demand" available. I was at a gay potluck dinner party last weekend, where most of the 30-40 guests "hung out" for 6-8 hours of sitting around talking, swimming, riding in a ski boat or skiing, watching a soccer game on TV, and eating food dishes they brought. No loud music to yell over, no pressure to drink if you didn't want to, snacks to nibble on, a lot of shirtless guys in swimming trunks relaxing together with plenty of different people of different ages to talk to. Figure out a way to make a "business" out of that for gay men and you will become rich. I will be a customer.
Hi, I am just disappointed there are very few healthy gay venues to meet other gays, most emotionally healthy gay men have withdrawn from the gay scene (or are already partnered) not because they want to but because they are sick of the gay scene. The reason for the withdrawal of the silent gay majority (in my opinion) is that the public face of gay gatherings is the dinner bell for every bad/poor gay stereotype. I alluded to the security here at EC to prevent it from becoming a predator hunting ground and we all know it is necessary and not found outside EC. Without healthy gay venues meeting somebody is simply a numbers game with very poor odds. We need to face it, homophobia is a huge part of the reason that EC exists but the negative associations created by badly acting gays amplifies the problem for the gay person as they think "That is not me. I don't relate to that.". Don't get me wrong, straight society has their Lounge Lizard Larry's too but they do not get to swamp every straight venue. Cripes, there are gay apps referred to here as "apps that shall not be named". These things become our public face and we do not challenge them. I just think it is time for the gay silent majority to stand up and say "Enough!" To the gay minority that give us all a black eye and makes life/love more difficult for all of us. Tom
I am coming out late in life, and am new to the gay scene- so I do not know what is normal there, nor have I used an app. When I lived my life in the closet, I was skeptical/appalled at what is portrayed of gay culture- and actively hid from it. Today, as I take my first baby steps, I have decided to keep an open mind, and hopefully appreciate the people I meet- and see the beauty in them- in part because I would like to see the beauty in me. I don't know who I am as a gay man. I really only know what it is to act straight- and after 44 years of living that way- I can say that it is not lined up,with who I am inside. Perhaps as I come to know and appreciate the diverse ways that other LGBT people have come to live their lives, I will finally find my own way. I am wary of predators - they exist in the straight world too, but I do not want to let my fear keep me from finding the good. I think the essential thing for me to remember is to keep,on the path of integrity that started me on this journey. I can be true to myself, even as I discover who that self is.
Hi, Good approach but eyes wide open. Diversity is great, openness is great, life/love are great. I do suggest you explore, I did, I am exploring... My finding was/is "organic" meetings, where your circle of life overlaps another's and you connect in friendship are far, far, far better than any contrived, false venue where predators swap true connection for simple sex and deem them equivalent. My world has expanded exponentially. I truly and deeply love my friends (some gay, some straight) as they love me for who I am not who I played at being. "Organic", good old "reality" based connection is the best, while contrived is simply a predators paradise. All the best. Tom
I know you've made it clear this isn't what you want to hear, but all I can say is I disagree that that is all there is out there in the gay community. I've spent over 20 years in the gay community--bars, clubs, political organizations, charities, choirs, book groups (the one thing I will admit I've never done was the online dating or apps). I've found it to be remarkably open and friendly--there are some bad apples in the bunch, but in my experience they are vastly outnumbered by the good, decent people. I think that goes for pretty much all of it--even the bars and clubs. I met my partner of 16 years in a gay bar--I've also met many dear longtime friends in bars and clubs. I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences and I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.
Clarify; I spoke of contrived gay venues not the gay community. Some may wish for an explanation as to to why security is so tight here at EC to keep it safe (both homophobe and predator). Is it paranoia or reality? Go "organic". Have a great day. ---------- Post added 10th Jul 2014 at 04:46 AM ---------- I was speaking to a 22 year old gay bartender in a gay club... He said nobody in his circle of gay friends go to gay clubs or "gay" things as they are dead, populated by dinosaurs that refuse to change with the times. He indicated the bar we were in (he serving) was doomed to close as young gay people rely on their personal network of friends to meet others, and they only attend mainstream venues. The world is moving on, things change, some people refuse to change and are trapped in a dying past. Maybe my "wish" should be that the death of gay venues be accelerated and "gay" simply mainstreamed as that wise young bartender indicated. Personal friendship networks are far better ways to meet people. Sure would make "organic" easier.
It's good that we are more accepted, but that doesn't mean that gay people have to live in your idea of "mainstream" either. I've seen too many "normal" gay dudes in their 20s out in gay venues to buy what your bartender told you as pure fact.
I don't find it much different from hetero scenes, Skiff. I go into a nice pub to listen to live music. I sit at the bar. I can't talk to the guy on the stool next to me to just try to find common interests, explore ideas, or just make a new friend. It's a matter of minutes before...no, he doesn't show me pictures of him being serviced by anyone...but he's working on whether he wants to maneuver me into bed; and if not, he ends the conversation and moves on to another mark. Ultimately, as others have said, life seems to be about sex. It's not that LGBT venues aren't mainstream enough; it's that the mainstream is about sex!! On the other hand, I do know several nice guys through my work place, through friends, and through friends of friends. I know several nice lesbian women through work, and through my other LGBT friends. If I was actively looking for dates with men or women, I don't think there'd be a shortage of opportunities (and I live in a pretty conservative rural area)...I just wouldn't find them at "venues", as you put it...straight or gay...I wouldn't even look for them there.
