How to carry on...

I'm sorry you feel that way, i wish i could help you but im afraid you can only help yourself.

You sound like how i was before i came out, you just want to shrivel up and stop being hurt by fear. It is horrible and more painful than anything physical.

Obviously i don't know your full story or anything but i'm afraid that you will be feeling that pain until you finally let go and give up and just say to yourself and everybody else "I'm gay".

The first one is the hardest, telling the first family member, friend ect... But trust me, after saying it, everything is blissful, its like everything goes silent and the air suddenly just got cleaner and you feel heat rush out of your body that its basically like opening that door that you've piled too much stuff in and it all just bursts out. It's truly a relief!

 

Hey Cigitab, welcome to EC!

What you are experiencing is quite common, it is as you say a total inversion of what you have believed about yourself for years.

It appears that you need to grieve the loss of that "self" you once held so dear...it is important to find the time and place to do this, if you can. Above all else, it is important for your own mental health to truly feel what you are going through.

Do you have any glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel? When you told your therapist, did you feel any sense of relief? Perhaps the feeling that a large burden has been taken away? Is there any happiness among the intense emotions you are feeling?

If you have already experienced that silver lining, try to remember that feeling. It is just as important to experience that feeling and honor it.

There is absolutely no shame in being who you are, take pride in what you have done, and will continue to do: becoming yourself.

 

Hi there, and welcome to EC!

Yes - it's totally normal for you to feel pretty overwhelmed right now. There are going to be a lot of emotions that come gushing out - because you've kept them bottled up for such a long time.

It passes, and eventually it becomes a non issue.

Again - welcome!

 

It's normal to feel overwhelmed by the emotions. Your world is turning upside down. But don't despair, it gets better. Think of it like a snow globe. You just shook it up and everything is swirling around you making you question which way is up. Give it a little time and things will start to settle into place, one by one. Do you have a strong support network? I found that having just a couple of supportive close friends whom I could talk with went a long way in helping me through the initial stages of the coming out process.

 

Hi citigab,

Yep, this all sounds pretty normal to me too. There's a lot of people working their way through it here, at various places. Your feelings are pretty inline with what I've gone through recently, as well as several others.

It gets better.

 

Yep being overwhelmed in therapy is what it's all about. It gets easier. Well done for opening up! Brave

 

I've had aspects of all of those stages of grieving and acceptance too, simultaneously. I'll start feeling real accepting then cycle back a little bit. But it gets better each time, and I'm more accepting each time. So, hang on, it might get bumpy, but you can get through it.

Sometimes it feels so much sometimes, especially since it's all that stuff like for you that was really suppressed. It makes me a little nervous, cause I've had anxiety issues before that were harmful. And the intensity of the emotions can be something else...like a life time of emotions pouring out at once. Which is exactly what it is.

But I've found some happiness there too, glad you have as well. Finally embracing who you are is terrifying but so rewarding when you can do it. I feel like I've just scratched the surface.

So again, welcome aboard! I've found it helpful to get through some tough work days when I felt like I just couldn't deal.

 

Emotional roller coaster is how I describe it. Some days will be wonderful and then the next day you wish you can go back to being oblivious. Once you realize and begin to accept, there is no going back, it changes who you are. This is a good thing because you will become the person you were meant to be. The journey is a little bumpy, but at the same time exhilarating. You came to a good place

 

I started coming out three months ago, and I still feel like the world is inverted and every time I think I have a handle on it, there is a new turn. I can say that in the three months since coming out, i have cried more than I ever could imagine. I held my emotions so tightly for so long,that when they started to unravel, it has been incredibly intense. But it has been healing, and slowly, I feel more and more relief, and acceptance of myself.

It can be hard to go back to life and work in the midst of such change, but work, and life can be a blessing- as this process is ongoing. It helps to remember to breath, and take it one day at a time.