I was at my niece's birthday party yesterday. Of course, my dad has to make the homophobic comment, "Gays should just completely hide their relationships. I don't want to see any of that kind of stuff." Thankfully I was busy helping my neice unpackaged some of her presents at the time so I don't think anyone could see me wince. Of course he says this after our convo last month about my mom blaming my lack of a ever having any relationship on him. I am not out to them, but how can he not suspect? And if he does why bring up the subject and say something like that around me. The latter possibility makes me really angry. I really just wanted to say, "Why the f*** are you even bringing this up? There are a lot more people here who are disgusted by your bigotry and the fact that you feel the need to spew it on a day that is supposed to be about your granddaughter than you realize. What are you going to do at the family reunion in August when John brings his partner? Are you going to tell them you are disgusted by them if they hold hands? Are you going to tell him he is queerer than a three dollar bill like you did when you mocked him in that conversation we had on Father's Day?" I didn't of course because I didn't want to ruin my niece's day. But I was pretty mad the whole way home. The funny thing is he would handle the news about a 1000 times better than my mom would. It's moments like that where I think to myself, "I will never let you know who I really am. You've forfeited that right to have the real me in your life." Which still isn't really a healthy thought, but I suppose it is better than feeling completely worthless because of it. Ugh...
You are not going to change Dad, or Mom. I would let go of this anger, or it will wreck your life...Forgive them...move forward...Let it go, because its just not worth it...
Hey SimpleMan..can truly appreciate what you are going through...my father...like yours... is very vocal in his bigotry...on an almost daily basis...but it is my Mother's reaction if she found out I was gay that I fear the most...like your parents...mine will never have the pleasure of knowing the real me...and that is sad...it can make me angry...hurt...conflicted...ashamed...but mostly it just makes me sad...for them...for me...that their love is so conditional...that their lives are so narrow...for me I guess that is why I look for online support...friends...acceptance...Wishing you peace & good fortune x
Yes, try and let it go. He is obviously a bit naive and inept and I would like to think he will eat his words once he finds out .. And finds out how hurtful it has been for you to listen to those sorts of comments, yeah so I'd give him a bit of slack or it will start hurting you.
I know exactly how you feel. I want so badly to say the same thing about my parents. I think of their statements when I was growing up and it makes me think, how can I ever tell them? I will say this, the reason I have to consdier statements they made when I was younger, is because I began defending LGBT when it was brought up.Without fail I would question their beliefs. I was in debate all through high school. I can win argument even if I personally dont agree with my argument lol. So needless to say I won every debate of LGBT in my house. They quit. I havent heard them say anything homophobic in.... years. I still dont think they would be accepting, but I have to say, not hearing it has helped me a lot. Might I suggest maybe next time it is not so.... crowded and they say something, you could maybe defend LGBT? Like if they are bashing gay marriage, ask them why they are against it and slowly begin dismantling their arguments. The worst that could happen is you lose and the idiocy continues. Great at arguing..... wont I make a great husband some day....
My dad says similar but less hurtful things from time to time. He has to suspect I'm gay because when I was 14 he found gay porn on the computer- this is when I learned that Internet browsers followed what sites you visited! I've wondered why he says things like this. Honestly I wonder if he is in denial that he could have a gay son. Granted, 18 years have passed and I haven't given him much of an indication otherwise other than my general lack of girlfriends. So I'm probably enabling his denial. Hopefully soon the two of us will both get the courage to blurt it out to our parents!
The thing is they've been around gay people. My parents would have never met if it weren't for gay men. They've turned their back on those men and sabotaged them by actively working to oppose LGBT rights through the Catholic Church. They brag about signing anti-LGBT petitions at church all the time. If I defend, I know I am going to get "the question". I don't think I could lie, but I don't have much of a support network yet to help me weather the storm of coming out to them. Based off the ugliness of past revelations by my sisters (teen pregnancies) it is going to get incredibly ugly. Except in their minds, there was redemption from getting pregnant as a teen. There is no redemption in their minds from being gay. Even my sisters will probably come under attack from the revelation. (That is why they will know first so they will be able to duck and cover.) I know this seems over the top but I've seen my mom come close to running someone over when she was angry at them. I worry that this will be the thing that causes her to really snap. Again, I do have a few people in my corner, but I don't feel ready yet to wake this sleeping dragon. It will come in time though. I'll be really glad when it's all over. As tempting as it may be just to burn that bridge, I have every intention of leaving it up to them on whether they want me in their life.
Honestly, I wouldn't let him control you to the extent that you hide yourself from him for life just because of his homophobia.
