So upset today. My husband is refusing to talk to me and won't tell me why. He said there's no point in talking to me and he doesn't want to. This makes things so difficult with the children. He is the one that has gone off with someone else. Why make my life a misery? Very confused and feel like I have wasted the last 19 years of my life. Feeling sad. :icon_sad:
Great anger is often an expression of great sadness, combine that with guilt, maybe even a desire for revenge and you are bearing the brunt of it. I can only tell you that the time you had with him was not a waste, by any means. You have children that you love and memories of the marriage that must have been good at one time. People rarely stay the same over time, changes happen, often faster than we think and often relationships suffer because of it. Then, add in your new understanding of yourself and this throws things way out of kilter. Communicate with him; by letter if you have to, but make sure he understands, by whatever means necessary, what effect his behaviour is having on the kids. If you can, appeal to his parents to intervene, if you are still talking to them. Make it about the kids and keep your focus on that.
he went off with someone else and now he is passive aggressively trying to make you the scapegoat for it. try couples counseling.
I agree with this, not in order to get 'back together' as things used to be (unless that is what you want), but more importantly so he can be made aware of the need to put the children's interests first. The good thing about going into counselling together, is that a third party can tell him that, rather than you, because anything you say to him at present, maybe he will just automatically throw a wall up against. But if a third party were to tell him, "your anger and behaviour towards your wife is hurting your children", he might actually listen.
((((((((((( Penpal )))))))))))) I'm so sorry...and it's terribly seeing someone we once loved acting so stupidly and childishly. And it's one thing if it's just you...but your poor kids! I agree with Mr. Whale: get him the message (in a level-headed, reasonable way) that his behavior is hurting the children and needs to change. Good luck, hon...I'm sorry he's making this so much harder than it has to be.
PenPal - My ex did the same. I am ashamed to say I let him mind ***k me for over a year. This is all about power and payback for him. As much as it hurts move forward confidently (even if it's just on the outside for now) The above posts gave some good advice. (*hug*)
Thanks for all the replies, it's good to have support on here. I was doing quite well emotionally but this has thrown me a bit. It is about control with him. When he loses control he loses his temper. I won't let him control me now so his reaction is to be horrible to me. I'm upset tonight. My boys are going away for 11 days with him. My youngest is upset about it. We have never been apart for that long. Don't think my husband will even send pictures. When I took them away for a week I sent him pictures everyday. I'm too soft that's my problem. Always have been.
No dear...just because he's being an arse doesn't mean that it's a problem that you aren't an arse. You were being kind and conscientious...he's not capable of that. Don't see that as a failing in you...see it as a strength!
