I was just wondering for those who have children and come out, how is your relationship with your children once all the dust settles? Do they eventually come around? Is it still uncomfortable around them if it ever was? How have they adjusted to their parents not being together? How have they adjusted to living in 2 different households? Thanks
My kids were ok with it. My son had a difficult time with letting others know about it, that his mother was gay, but he is ok now. My oldest already suspected, and my youngest outed me to everyone(which effectively took my sons privacy away). My kids are all young adults and teens now so they are very, very gay friendly and supportive, love going to gay things and Pride every June. They are all very happy that I am partnered and my wife has been part of our lives for 10 years now so she has raised them longer than my ex did. They went to visit him at first, but he broke the divorce agreement to not have alcohol around them during visits and decided to not see them, instead of getting help for his addiction. The kids I know of my friends that have to go to two different houses, do just fine. The deciding factor in this is the way the parents treat each other. If it is with respect and with good communication then the children do great. If the exs treat each other horribly and put the kids in the middle, like two dongs fighting over a bone, then it will be problematic.
My kids are quite young and are being introduced to me being gay through actions rather than words right now. All kids need to know is no matter what you love them unconditionally and you'll never leave. Don't give up on them ever, and they'll love you forever
I'm not out to the community at large in our suburban town, and we're still living together, so the pedal hasn't hit the metal yet. But my oldest (age 16) has been very accepting of both my being gay and being in a relationship, We only had one particularly rough discussion, where she got very agitated and said she felt like I was tossing our family aside for my boyfriend. That conversation came after I snapped at her because I was in a bad mood myself, and I suspect she had some hormone activity going on, because it was very uncharacteristic of her. The discussion was long and difficult, but we both seem to have taken something positive out of it, and things are better now. My youngest (13) had very little reaction--I suspect she was in a bit of shock when I told her--and is less open about discussing the situation than her older sister. But she's never been the "thinker" of the two and generally things percolate in her brain until she just starts sharing. I think that's probably still on the way. I've gradually been getting more open with the family and we trade some off-the-wall comments and conversations now and then, like (recently) which male lead was the hottest in Dolphin Tale, of all things. They're very open kids and already knew a number of gay people, so this just proves who they are. What happens in a few months when my guy has an apartment of his own and I start staying over, and then later on when I move out, is anyone's guess. I'm going to be very cautious and loving about how I approach that, because they rely on me very much as the stable and reliable parent with the more even and controlled personality.
If you are loving, truthful and caring about them, they will know. Of course, it helps that you tell them first or together with your spouse if you are still on good terms. Leave the lines of communications open to each of them and set a date once a week to be with them. Under the age of 20, they will still blame themselves for your coming out like it is their fault. You have to make sure that it was your decision and they had nothing to do with. You might have to pay for some psychtherapy for them and maybe get them into a support group for young people who have the same situation.
