I am not sure if this is the correct place to put this thread. I am sure someone will let me know if it is not. I don't want to make this too long but I shall attempt a brief history. I think I am gay. I have liked some boys, not as much as women - but i can not identify as bisexual, i dont know why, it just doesn't work for me. Most of my life I have been attracted to women, never girls. I can remember as a 13 yr old, (when it all started) being physically and emotionally attracted to older women, as my age has increased, so too do the ages of the women I have been attracted to. I am currently 21 and still attracted to the 60 year old teacher I had when I was 11 (she was 50 then). My worry is I have no friends and horrific relationship with my parents, I don't see my father and my mother is abusive. I have heard it mentioned that when straight girls have older men they have "daddy issues". Is it possible I have "mummy issues" and I'm actually straight?
Welcome! I am sure you already know that there are no easy answers when we have questions about sexuality. You will work this all through in time. For now, are you safe where you are? You don't say how your mum is abusive or if you live with her. Personally I think that when you are stressed about life in general it is harder to answer these questions. You say that you have no friends, maybe that would be a good place to start. Have you thought about joining a sports team or book club? If there is one in your area that is lgbt friendly that might be a good start, but any group would help you make friends. Is there a womens centre near you? Many of them offer free counselling and casework, you could talk through some of these issues with someone you can trust. The attraction to older women could just be a preference, maybe that would be a question to consider further down the track. I am glad that you posted. I hope you stick around because having support makes such a difference.
I wasn't expecting a reply tbh, and so quick. Thank you I live with my mother, but I am safe. People are aware of the situation. I dont have friends because i'm shy and honestly id rather read a book and have a glass of milk than to do what those my age are doing. I guess im just quiet. The book club sounds good though I will definitely have a look into that. I do work at a charity called ChildLine. (UK based) and have friends with the women on my shift, all thought the youngest is 54 and I have maintained a certain distance because of this; especially as one of them (M) reminds me of the teacher (B). I think i will try to stay. I get nervous easily so if i disappear im probably just regrouping. I was brought up a strict catholic and later became mormon. It is inbred into me that we can "Love the gays but know they are sinners". My family are so old fashioned that my sister's boyfriend who is three yearrs older was given so much grief for being older. The idea of it being a woman AND a woman older than my mother? Yikes. Why me? Thank you for your reply
Hey welcome to the EC. To answer your question, is it possible you're straight but actually have mummy issues? No that really doesn't seem likely. It doesn't really matter how bad your relationship is with your parents, it's not going to cause you to be attracted to a certain gender. To put it plainly, straight people can have terrible relationships with their parents but they'll still be straight. Like Azure said though, you should try to join a club of some sort, go out to more social gatherings, even if you don't say much there at first.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. If you were straight, you'd have had attraction to your male teachers, not the female ones. So I don't think this is somehow masking your true orientation. You're most likely attracted to women. That doesn't make you a bad person - despite all the messages you heard as a kid growing up. That might take some time for you to overcome, but I hope you'll work on it. As for the age difference... I also think that it would be better for you to try and get out and develop some friendships with other people that might be closer to your age. Even if you eventually end up in a relationship with an older woman, it will be good to have other friends. The question might be why are you attracted to older women. (And I guess that's what you're asking here... so you don't really know.) But is it the thought of having someone take care of you? Because that kind of age difference will likely mean that the two of you would have very different roles in the relationship. Something to think about.
Pluvia - Thank you for the welcome I haven't met so many nice people before. You make a good point, I suppose it is only nature to worry that we are "weird" or wrong in some way. It does seem irrational when you put it that way, thank you for help putting my mind at ease. Ans I think you are right, I am going on holiday on Friday, but when I come back I am going to look at the local library and lesiure centre for some groups to join Jim - Thank you for the welcome, I feel so welcome here already . I truthfully can't see myself ever being completely comfortable with this. I spent so long being told I wasn't good enough for love, the fact I am not "normal" in my desires - I fear I am just making myself even more unsuitable or deserving of love. I see where you are coming from, I suppose it would be nice to be looked after and I can see that might be a bit of it, although I think i would expect that from my partner regardless of their age. For me the more mature body has always been more attractive though, they are women who have carried children, have wrinkles that time and wisdom have given them, grey hair which is simply elegant and the self love ans assurance that can only come with experience. I am not attracted to grannies as such, elegant mature women who have lived. I dont think im making any sense...I'm sorry
