On the somewhat lighter side than my usual whiny, bitchy posts... I went grocery shopping the other night. I overheard a woman asking a question of one of the workers. It was one of those "where do I find?" questions. Answer: not this store, but maybe such-and-so a store. I stopped a moment (I thought) to give a few other "possibles." This woman and I chatted a few moments about organic produce. Then...things turned...interesting. She said, "You must have a good income to buy so much organic!" (Er, actually, she couldn't be further from the truth! :lol Then she was saying she'd like to visit me where I live. Since that evening, I've wondered a few times about that incident. Was she hoping to pick me up? Or was she just looking to expand her circle of friends? Perhaps she's someone like me who has seriously limited social network. In any case, I have also been thinking perhaps I should have come out. It would have been interesting to see if she was so interested in talking to me after that. :lol: I hadn't really thought of it much, but I can see one advantage of being gay: when faced with a woman trying to pick a man up--and if interested in me she'd have to be desperate enough to pick up any man!--coming out as gay should solve the problem pretty quickly.
Look at it this way: You acknowledge that you don't know whether this was an attempt at a pick-up or just friendly interest. Suppose for a moment the interest was merely friendly. What if you met a man or woman in the grocery store, and were just getting to know them, maybe even suggested getting together at some point. Your only interest is friendship. And then, apropos of nothing, they start talking about some deeply personal issue they have...maybe they're bipolar; maybe their parents abused them when they were young; maybe they enjoy masturbating with fruit...and they just start telling you about this. I'm gonna guess that your interest in them would cool pretty quickly, and you might find yourself trying to backpedal out of the invitation. What would that reveal to them about you? That you're uncomfortable with treatable neurosis? With people who've experienced abuse? With people who like to masturbate with fruit? Of course it's not the things themselves your upset about...it's the lack of discretion, the notion that this person thought it was ok to just trot this out to someone they've just met. But you can believe that *they* would perceive they were being rejected because of their neurosis, their family background, or their masturbation habits. Ditto this woman. Yeah, if you'd told her you were gay, she may well have ended the conversation more quickly. But not necessarily because she has a problem with homosexuality (regardless of whether she was trying to pick you up). She may simply wonder why a person would, after 3 minutes of conversation, come out to her as gay. She would also likely worry that you thought she was trying to hit on you. Basically, her reaction would tell *you* nothing whatsoever, and would serve only to make her uncomfortable, regardless of how she feels about sexuality. Now I guess if you just like messing with people, and you have no interest in women as friends, then you've got nothing to lose either. But otherwise, save coming out for when it becomes relevant (i.e., she really does start hitting on you) or after you know her better. You also never say whether you actually scheduled a chance for her to visit you. *mucky grin!*
You raise some good points, biAnnika. And truth be told, my preferred approach to coming out is when it does become relevant information. Or at least more relevant. Which is probably one reason why the idea did not even occur to me at the time. And I think if I were to come out in that sort of situation, I'd probably choose some method that isn't blunt and direct ("By the way, I'm gay!"), but indirect that suggests the same information. Talking about my boyfriend, for example. (Although of course first I have to get a boyfriend. Sigh.) Although if I were in a bar, and a blond bimbo is cooing at me, while trying to unzip my pants, well, I'd probably have no trouble trouble dropping the "I'm gay!" bomb. ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2014 at 02:22 PM ---------- Since you asked, no, I did not schedule such a meeting. And if I had, it certainly would not be where I live.
To dispel any uncertainties during future grocery excursions: arrange all organic produce in your shopping cart in a rainbow color pattern... ride:
Well I see it slightly differently: coming out is a great way to take the nervous edge out of opposite sex encounters! A lot of the time, women in particular anticipate being hit on and have various defences to avoid lengthy and annoying interactions with men they're not interested in. Coming out makes you seem pretty harmless, lowers thier defences, and you can get a friendship going quite easily....
I totally agree with this--if a woman really does want to be your friend, few things grease the wheels like being gay...
Perhaps you'll run into her again. I hope so. It's indeed a compliment. I once made a woman cry in the middle of Whole Foods when she was coming on to me. I mentioned that my boyfriend was making dinner. I felt really bad, but I needed to say something. She's probably already sent out "save the date" cards and picked out a dress.
