Hi all, I'm 43, separated from my husband of 22 years since January and mom for two sons ages 18 & 20. My entire married life was spend in a conservative, fundamental Christian lifestyle. So, when I left my husband I also left my entire support network. I am still not out to anyone from my former life, they shunned me just for leaving the marriage. I didn't dare mention that I am a lesbian. Even my husband doesn't know. I was in a relationship with a woman which recently ended and broke my heart. I have a few lesbian friends which I made through my ex-gf but they are also her friends. This leaves me feeling quite alone. I guess that's why I'm here. Just looking for some others who can relate. Just to keep life interesting, my 20 year old son just came out this month. He came out very publicly on facebook. I have suspected that he is gay for years but it was confirmed on Mother's Day. He is so strong and brave. The kid is amazing. Of course his father lost his mind. I continue to give him my unconditional support. I have not told him about my being lesbian for a few reasons. Mostly, I don't think he is ready to see me with anyone besides his father, regardless of gender. So, here I am. Just reaching out trying to connect with others who have walked this path and lived to tell about it. I am hopeful that this is the start of a genuine life but I know there are a lot of difficulties in my future. Thanks for any and all support. Laddie
I just wanted to say that you are incredibly brave. To start to take control back over your own life and be true to who you are takes true courage and I really admire you for it. I come from completely different experiences, but it's always good to hear that people are trying and not everyone is giving up on themselves. Hang in there. (*hug*)
Welcome Laddie! Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome your son came out to you. He is blessed to have your support. It's so important. My teen knows I'm gay but I'm not dating anyone. Your not alone. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 19th Jul 2014 at 09:48 PM ---------- Alwaysforever: Yes! Well said! (*hug*)
Hi laddie, while I'm a guy, I can relate to feeling like you can't reveal too much at present. I'm concerned that if I came out, my ex might use it as a pretext to not let the kids see me as much, because of her own religious mores. Anyway you will definitely find others here who can relate more directly to your situation, I just wanted to express how inspiring it is to hear of your support of your son, and also, of your own courage to accept your sexuality even in the face of what must have been religious pressure to not do so. I'm still dealing with the after-effects of the shaming of my sexuality that religion inflicted; despite not consciously holding any particular faith now for many years, early conditioning can have a long-lasting and subtle effect, even into later life, well at least in my case it has. Well done for having the courage of your convictions to be true to yourself. Once again, I truly respect you and your journey, Damien.
"... but I know there are a lot of difficulties in my future." But a lot of rich rewards ahead too. It sounds like you know you are doing the right thing. Good on you. And you will carry your kids' support with you. Focus on the future. Start a new support network. And try not to let the immense temptation to dwell on the past slow things up.
Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness. That is something that has been lacking in my life for a very long time. I am working on meeting some new people. I contacted a local group for later-in-life-lesbians. Unfortunately they don't meet again for a couple weeks. I don't know what it says about me but the breakup with my gf is causing me a lot more pain than the breakup of my marriage. I am really struggling. ( The worst part is, she is my employer and I sit in the same office with her every day. ) The whole religious indoctrination thing from the past couple decades is also weighing on me. I know what is logical and true but then the old teachings flood my mind and fill me with guilt and shame. I have a good therapist and I am forcing myself to "do the work" because I want to get through this and be healthy and whole. Being here is part of that. It is very much against my personality to reach out for help. Once again, thank you so much for your support.
Dont feel for asking for help, we all need it sometimes and i applaud you for your bravery on coming out and support for your son :eusa_clap
Laddie, Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. Have you come out to your Pastor? I was wondering that you may have shut a door of potential support. I came out to the Pastor of my mothers church. I don't know why as I did not attend, although my parents have and my dad is now deceased. It was rumored he was gay, but his parishioners didn't care as he is a wonderful guy. Anyway, I made an appointment to see him and told him my coming out story. He was very supportive and told me his story. He and his BF had been together for over 20 years and have been very happy. He is careful about whom he shares this with. As it turns out, many people who I know are regulars to this church, are gay! I was surprised...Sometimes we just don't know what is right under our noses. By sharing your story with others you may run into your own surprises. My pastor friend was a great help and has taught me forgiveness..For myself and for others...I think there are friends from your "former" social circle and would be great supporters and members of your new circle of friends. Take a chance! And forgive your husband. Forgive your GF/Boss, and mostly forgive yourself.
Hi Calamus! Thank you for your advice and encouragement. It is great to "meet" so many kind people. I am hopeful that I might someday find a church like yours. My former pastor's sister-in-law is a lesbian and was banned from contact with them. My son went to him privately a few years ago when he was struggling with his sexuality. The pastor offered to take him to a "camp" where they specialize in helping men over come "homosexual temptations." The church is very anti-gay and very verbal about it. I am checking into some other congregations in the area though. Forgiveness. That really is the key isn't it? Thank you for the reminder.
At least there is such a group. One real problem for many is a lack of local, real world options. I hope this group will prove valuable. Not unexpected. Even though I don't have that sort of religious indoctrination, I've had to deal with similar issues of societal programming that says "gay is bad." It's not easy to change that. ---------- Post added 20th Jul 2014 at 12:40 PM ---------- There are LGBT accepting churches out there. Some more accepting than others, of course. Bonus: if you find the right church not only will you find acceptance from the church itself, but you'll also possibly be able to meet other LGBT people. Some churches even have LGBT groups of one sort or another.
