Married, gay and came out to my best friend

I wish I had some advice. I can only tell you: I think you're very brave. I wish you well as you move forward...

 

I don't know why that makes me laugh.

I know I am gay, I'm sure there are many who suspect I am (you can't stay unattached too long after 30 without raising suspicions!) — but I still balk at telling people. It will work itself out eventually...

 

Thanks for writing that. Gives me something to think about...

 

I'm 50, pretty much always recognized the attraction, but never acted on it until 3 years ago. Had some other life issues that kept me preoccupied for a long time. Met a married guy about 9 months ago — that relationship became very serious. I was excited and wracked with guilt the whole time. He came out to his wife, but we decided to part ways while he deals with his life and I deal with mine. Time will tell what the future holds — but in the meantime, I can't sit waiting by the phone.

Just like your revelation to your friend gave you some freedom and peace, my relationship with this guy showed me I really could fall in love with a guy. Was beautiful…and sad.

 

I thought the same thing, and actually played with no-strings hook-ups for a while. But those actions lost their appeal and left me feeling empty and depressed. It was the relationship that brought me here to consider coming out. I didn't think it was possible to fall in love until it happened.

 

Hi,

It is nice your friend affirmed you but in the end you know and only your opinion matters.

Hookups, open relationships and serial monogamy are a fools paradise (my opinion). In the end you are alone. Very high suicide rate for senior gays, and I would bet loneliness under rides it (my gut feeling).

My advice... Meet guys organicly in your circle of life. Avoid apps, dating services and gay bars as these cater to hookups, open relationships, and serial monogamy. You will hear stories about couples meeting there initially but it is the exception. They are meat markets primarily.

Tom

 

Glad you have a friend you can be yourself with. It helps to have someone in yor corner.

Don't feel rushed to do anything maybe seek a therapist and talk through it with them first. As hard as the thoughts might be and loud at times, they won't kill you. Take comfort in that.

We are in your corner too!!

Reach out if you need too!

Peace

 

It really DOES feel good to hear it. And to say it. It took me until I was 50 and had a 20-year marriage and 2 kids before I could say the word and accept it, and it's gotten better and better since then. If you haven't told your wife yet, make sure you have all your mental and emotional ducks in a row before you do, because her reaction could range from disbelief and denial, to cruelty and rejection. That's been tough. In my case, she's basically jumped into the vacant space in my closet and has gone into as much denial as I've been in. Other guys have had their wives tell them 15 minutes later that the marriage is over and they need to get an immediate divorce. Not an easy thing to do--but how easy has it been to ignore such a fundamental part of your being? I have a lot to resolve yet, but I can tell you that despite all the upheavals in my life, I'm beyond happy that I chose to do this. I'm the same person I always was, but I feel new and real. It's been an incredibly positive experience.

 

Best friends are great aren't they?

My wife was the third person I told as I wanted and needed the supported of good friends first. I almost needed that support to be able to take the next step and tell her.

There's huge support and knowledge on here. You are not alone.

 

Hi,

For me it was that whole penis vs vagina thing... Sorry, could not resist.

For me relationships building to sex with guys were easy, natural, like falling off a log. Women were difficult, uneasy, unnatural relationships.

Then there was the disinterest in the female form and excitement over males.

Nobody needs to affirm you as you know. Accept you? Absolutely 110%

Tom

 

Key indicator for me: I think women are attractive, but I'm only sexually attracted to men.

 

Welcome, manwithnoname7. I'm glad you're finding your way and found EC. I figured out I'm gay since I really only look at guys in my everyday activities. When I see/meet guys who I find attractive and have good personalities and all that, I want to become friends with them. If we become friends and start hanging out I want to be around them more and more. Basically I want to be best friends with these guys and really want it to become a sexual relationship. I guess that's more or less the same way straight guys feel about women. Being physically close with a guy I like is an instant turn on and I have no desire to be with women like that or have a close relationship with them. Besides physical attraction, I relate to the masculinity of most guys and don't find that with women so I can't see how I could ever even attempt to be with a woman.

 

For me it was the realization that I was always checking out guys and never even noticed attractive women. Yes I know an attractive woman when I see one but I am much more likely to notice her hot boyfriend.

Unlike most males who apparently live for eating pussy (at least based on what I have been hearing in locker rooms ever since I was a teen) I find the thought of going down on a pussy repulsive.