Unusual and awkward, but with good in

Sounds loveable to me. You are in good company.
Cheers.

 

I am exactly the same way. And I've often thought the same thing, or will have to add that I'm saying something with good intentions. I can be too direct and too honest unfortunately. In person when I speak it doesn't always come out the way I want because I am very socially awkward. So you know, I haven't noticed anything that could be taken negatively that you wrote.

 

Hey Damien,

Most of us, and LGBT folk generally, are the proverbial "round pegs for square holes", however, you can't have been that awkward if you were able to form a long enough relationship to have kids!

It could also be cultural. I have known quite a few Australians; people I've met while travelling, with whom I've noticed (and others have written about this) a refreshing directness that I have not encountered elsewhere. Talking about deep personal things just comes naturally to you guys and sometimes it can sound awkward to people from other places.

Be yourself, and be true to yourself. If you make a social faux-pas, it's because you're out there trying, because you bear no one any ill will...so pat yourself on the back, it is no small thing!

 

I too often feel quite awkward, and yes, I too am trying to come from a place of good intentions.

I've been, with some help from my therapist, trying to shed a lot of that. I'm curious if the rest of you also feel this way:

Thinking about it rationally, I don't actually say or do that many things that are really that bad, but my reaction to the outcomes have in a few cases loomed large. Which then makes the problem worse, as I'm then hyper conscious of making a mistake. Worse in two ways, really, since 1) I've already made a mistake in my mind that hasn't happened yet and 2) I'm going to be more awkward as I'm spending precious mental cycles worried rather than paying attention to the situation at hand.

I'm sure this also ties in to constantly feeling like there's something I need to hide, lest everyone know some shameful thing about me.

 

Hi Damien. I'm new here, so I don't know what you may have written/done that would make you feel you "messed up" on EC — but I think you're very brave and honest to post what you view as your shortcomings. I admire that you took the time to write all this out.

We're all human, we all have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. In my life, I'm known to be a fairly direct person, and I'm not good at hiding my feelings. At times that's good, but other times, it's very bad. I try not to psychoanalyze myself too much and do my best to be kind and get along well with others. I fail at times — because I'm human. But we can always get up and start again.

I think when you wrote you have good intentions, you really meant to tell us you have a good heart — and a good heart will always end up in the right place. So be well and take good care of yourself.

 

I agree with alot that was said previously. But to be honest I actually find people who are socially awkward cute and usually make friends with them. I prefer the honesty that can come from them. So I say be you and get out there and find those poeple who will like your awkwardness and fly.

I have only read a few of your posts and you messaged me once. Nothing there turned me sour. I enjoyed speaking with you and hope to continue our little EC friendship. Good luck.

 

I just saw that part again, and it made me chuckle.

No, I haven't seen you do anything that means you messed up on EC.

But then I'm far too consumed by my own fears that I've messed up on EC that I might not notice. :lol:

 

I think there's a lot of truth in that. And now it's late and I have to get to bed.

Have a good night...

 

Yep! Me too. And even if I don't make another actual mistake with some consequences, I find that I'm far more likely to perceive something as a mistake. It can turn into a real bad cycle.

Oh, anytime. I feel like we are on a lot of the same paths, I'm happy to share what Ive picked up along the way if I think it might help. Besides, I've already had to be totally and completely honest about some things of late with myself and then my wife, in ways that have been highly disruptive. What's the rest of the world?



---------- Post added 25th Jul 2014 at 11:31 AM ----------

That need to crawl out of my feelings of isolation is what got me here, even though I didn't expect this answer. I dunno, I guess I don't care, bi, gay whatever, I just don't want to be isolated like that any more.

---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 08:19 PM ----------

Absolutely true.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. I can relate to what you are dealing with and this is a place where we all can share our stories and try to help each other out which includes you of course.

 

Sounds like an apt metaphor to me. Thanks, Damien.

 

I wonder, particularly with some of us "later in life" folks, if maybe the closet was so welcoming because it gave us an excuse to back away from uncomfortable interaction with other people? I was awkward from my early teens on, never really fit in, and never felt at ease in the least with people. Even married someone who was totally at the other end of the scale, extremely social and conversational, so I could basically ride her coattails and back down even further, and spent a couple decades without any real identity except as her husband. It felt very safe but it does kill your spirit and your identity.

I like the openness that I feel now, although I have to admit that I'm still MUCH more comfortable from the safety of the keyboard, where I can backspace and edit before I hit "send", and quietly leave the site for a bit if I feel I've overstepped. But I'm slowly coming to realize that some of that awkwardness is actually caring just a little too much what everyone else thinks, and just a little too little what I think. It doesn't solve everything, but it helps to look at other people's interactions and realize that they're often no less painfully awkward than ours are--they just don't worry about it the way we do. We ARE social animals. I feel better when I take the chance and interact. But it doesn't mean I'm necessarily always comfortable doing it, and a lot of times I need to step back afterwards and just be by myself to recover from it.

 

For what it's worth, I enjoy your posts.

I always feel kind of awkward myself, even on-line so you're not alone.

Coming out to oneself is such an emotional roller-coaster, isn't it?