Should Have Realized You Were Gay When..

When I ran face first into my good friends face and we started making out like crazy. I couldnt get it out of my mind. How her body felt under my hands. The way the movements of her mouth match mine perfectly. jow once it stopped I was scared and sad and confused all at the same time. That was 14 years ago. And tons of stuff when I was a kid. Just one of the boys. Even chasing girls. Crazy.

 

I should've known I was gay...I have always been transfixed with the female form...the beauty in the curves...the elegance the strength. I can remember as a 13yr old doing a school project on the Amazon women...I was mesmerised by them and spent hours sketching from books...covering my walls with my efforts...admiring their bodies.

Growing up I felt this way about many women...teachers...friends...tv stars...even when I fantasised about kissing them...I never cottoned on to the fact that I was gay...put my feelings down to admiration of strong, independent women...looking back it seems quite ridiculous that I never considered I might be gay

 

1. When in third grade, I followed this girl around at recess trying to steal a kiss from her
2. I never really preferred to wear girly clothes over more boyish clothes, but I thought girly girls were so awesome.
3. I became obsessed with yuri (I think that was one of the things that made me start questioning though, lol).
4. When I couldn't stop staring at my BFF's hair in class. It looked so soft! ^.^ Lol.
5. When I tried looking at the girls in the locker room... people noticed though... O.O

 

When I was around 11 and was 'practicing' kissing with a friend for when we had boyfriends. Better than any boyfriends that followed. I remembered this recently and how it felt, it feels strange to have a memory like this come back after 26 years

 

When I looked for cute guys in the store ads and was nervous talking to cute guys in my class or wherever. Of course at the time I didn't know guys could be into other guys the way we were supposed to be into girls. The term gay was an insult meaning girly, wimp, wuss or wanting to be a girl, none of which applied to me too much. I understand the implication now although it still isn't true that gay = wimp.

 

When I used to look up my barbies dresses, look at their boobs, when I constantly check out women, when I used to hide and watch porn of upskirt pictures etc.

 

When I noticed cute guys in ads
When I noticed cute guys in general
When I though a guy was so awesome, yet I couldn't place my finger on why

And maybe TMI:
Porn. Nuf said.

 

Should've known I was trans when I would consistently play as a girl who obscured her gender for some in-story reason in childhood imaginative games. She would often wear a black, hooded cloak [inspired by Raven from the Teen Titans] that obscured her features so no one would know. I also adored Yellow from the Pokemon Adventures manga because she was a girl who presented as male for in-story reasons, as well as Samus before the whole Zero Suit angle had been played up in her marketing. And then I started interacting with others online as a girl when I was thirteen or fourteen or so, and... yeah! =3

 

I was visiting a college friend in his dorm room and his roommate walked in from the showers wearing a towel, which he dropped to get dressed. Absolutely the leanest, most ripped person I had ever seen in my life, with a chest hairy in all the right places. I could not take my eyes off of him; he never even noticed I was looking, but I was.

 

Should have realized it in the 7th grade when I couldn't take my eyes off of one classmate in the shower after gym. Lean, dark skinned, dark, curly hair and semi hard. I could probably sketch him from memory without much effort.

 

When I was 5, while all of my friends were obsessing over Disney princes saving them, I was imagining scenarios of myself saving Disney princesses.

When I was in 6th grade and watched Lost every week because I thought Kate (Evangeline Lilly) was super attractive and badass and awesome.

Also when I was in 6th grade, dealing with middle school dances for the first time, and always tried to get my female friends to dance with me to avoid having to dance with the boys.

 

Aside from an intense romantic crush on one boy in high school, and an intense sexual crush on another later on, there were a few other pointers that just slipped right past me. Like the time I went to that gay sauna place. Just to have a look, of course. And after all it wasn't my scene and I didn't do anything, so I'm not gay at all. Even though the receptionist was damn cute wasn't he...but nah just a bit of experimentation. And that lead character from 'Queer as Folk' who looks like a young God (but often acts like a bit of a pr*ck, but still...) I watched the show largely cos I enjoyed watching him and his dalliance with the adoring throngs of other guys, and *if* I were gay, gosh I'd have the hots for him, but nah, I'm just watching a show, nothing to do with my sexuality...and that time when, as a young man, that incredibly handsome guy with the dark eyes and hair grabbed my wrist and looked with at me with that intense, passionate look...I mean, the fact that I've never forgotten that look he gave me, is irrelevant, cos I spurned him, right? So of course I'm straight, yeah...(not).

 

Hi,

This is a cute thread but keep in mind it simply enables the denial that kept your life off track. Nothing fun about the cost and pain denial causes.

I know I am peeing in the pool but just keeping things in perspective.

 

When I said, 'if I were a girl, I'd marry Blake, (from home and away)' my older friend teased me to no end at the time, not knowing he was building my closet a little tougher

 

Funny topic. When I hit puberty, I used to fantasize about a handsome Math teacher I had. I thought it was just a phase -- deep denial, for sure.

 

There's a million things looking back. It's amazing what denial allows you to ignore or dismiss when so much of its so clear from a today's perspective.

The earliest point should've been the Gi Joe's and wrestling figures. I created active sex lives and romantic lives with them. They'd go to war and then get it out lol I even had them getting married.

 

Lots and lots of things over the years such as

Wanting to cuddle my friend when I was 11
A group of us found some porn pictures at my friends house and I was the only one who didn't find it horrible.
When my friend meantioned she went to a gay club and by body just jumped at the thought of going there.
Kissing a girl at a club when I was 18 and not being able to stop thinking about it.
Telling my friend that I thought I was gay at age 19 but she just said I was being silly so I went back into lieling about my sexuality again.
Feeling physically sick when I boy tried to kiss me and running away to cry in the bathroom of a club when I was touched by a boy age 16.

 

I'm not sure what you mean skiff, why is it enabling denial? Everyone here seems to have moved past denial, and just lightheartedly poking fun at the past.

 

That was my take as well. for me i can't remember my first "impulse" but i do know my marketing prof in college, who was gay, was a real looker and i had to keep staring at him. i passed it off as the fact that i have a hearing deficet and have to read lips to get the full message from someone. but looking back i had the hots for him.