Is this unusual?

If I've learned anything from EC is that there are some commonalities, but there are just as many unique traits, so one person's experience isn't necessarily someone else's.

However, here's mine:

Only fantsising and masturbating about the opposite sex as a teen, never men
-never. I was never turned on by girls.

Only looking at pictures of girls to masturbate about, never men
-never. Even when looking at porn it was such a muddy experience unless there was a guy in the pic/video and then bazinga!

Only dreaming of meeting a nice girl to fall in love with and look forward to that happening, never men
-never. I did what was expected but never dreamed or hoped for it. I also never, ever considered having a real and lasting relationship with a guy. That was nowhere on my radar.

Enjoyed and looked forward to fantasising about having sex with your female teachers
-I loved some of my female teachers but never sexually. Now, Coach Monaco on the other hand...yowza.

Never get turned on by a shirtless guy or naked guy in teens and 20's
-ALWAYS did, much to my grief, self-loathing, embarrassment, assumed dysfunction, etc. In fact he didn't need to be shirtless. An eye twinkle or dimple was plenty.

Get turned on seeing a girl strip
-Not even once. In fact Halle Berry, many years later, helped solidify for me that I was gay. It occurred simultaneously to me that she was stunningly gorgeous and I couldn't have cared less. Didn't want to touch her at all. Daniel Craig on the other hand was, ahem, noteworthy!

Wish that the hot girl sitting near you would say hi to you and fancy you, never a guy
think being gay was weird.
-Nope again. In fact I remember a particular event in P.E. once when this amazing guy was next to me and all I wanted was for him to say hi. He didn't.

Thought being gay was a lifestyle choice that basically anyone was capable of it
-I believed deep down that being gay was a perverted attraction, one that needed to be expunged immediately. There was nothing normal about it. Only sad, mentally deranged souls would choose such a thing. Guess I'm mentally deranged then.

Fancy girls you saw and long to touch them in a sexual way
-never

If you saw two guys kissing you'd cringe and look away
-I'd look away out of shock, but would have butterflies of excitement in my tummy, which of course, made me hate myself even more.

you never had a same sex experience and only fooled around with girls
-Briefly had a boyfriend at 19, but believed every moment that what I was doing was wrong. I just didn't care any more. "To Hell then..." I thought. I did have a few girl friends (and then a wife!) but it never sat well with me.

Straight porn or solo girl porn was very very arousing
-Only if a guy was in it. Girls were confusing to me.

Never fancied a guy (at least conciously)
-Fancied them all the time. Bo Duke (Dukes of Hazzard) was a real problem for me. I LOVED him at the ripe old age of 11. He's still yummy. The fact that I was more interested in Bo than Daisy caused me endless torment.

I think the point here is that we all grow up with different perspectives and experiences and they do not diminish who or what we are at all.

 

Well I didn't find out till my mid 40s so I guess mid 20s would not seem strange to me but then we are from different times.

SGG

 

Mostly yes, but I didn't have much contact with girls until I was in early 20s and to be honest I didn't really see what all the fuss was about sex with them, I mean it was enjoyable but I got the impression that other guys got more out of it than me. I had no accidental access to gay porn than because the internet didn't exist then.

SGG

 

I certainly grew up assuming I was straight. I found straight porn to be exciting (when I could get it - it was the 1980s) and it accomplished what it's supposed to do. I DID enjoy "straight porn" more than "lesbian porn", and I told myself at the time it was because the straight porn was "what I'd be doing" once I found a woman. But even thirty or so years down the road, I can picture what a LOT of the guys looked like in those videos, and I'm having trouble remembering any of the women.

Lex

 

No I never recall fantasising about guys in my 20s even though I knew many gay guys because I was involved with the theatre and with musicians. But 2 of my best friends later turned out to be gay but not whilst I knew them. I married my wife in my late 20s but didn’t have many girlfriends before that.

 

Hey Eric,
If I have learned anything about sexuality is that anything is possible. I read one of your threads where you said you have no desire at all to sleep with men or date them. Why not just go on with other aspects of your life and see where it takes you?

If you meet a great guy you want to have a relationship with; that's great. If your feelings come back for women then that's great too.

Maybe you are bisexual/fluid? When I was a teen I was attracted to both boys and girls; but at different times and I still am. I would literally lose attraction for one sex and while I was attracted to the other. I used to think I was going through phases, but it turns out that it's a cycle for me and I have no control over it. I don't know if you can relate to that?

 

Eric, I don’t expect you to understand my story, I don’t.

I don’t consider myself now, or at any other time, to be bisexual since NOW I’m not at all sexually interested in women even though I’m still married to one, I love my wife of 26 years for all the other aspects of our relationship. Before I was married I couldn’t get enough sex with my future wife even though I didn’t derive as much pleasure from it as others seemed to do from their girlfriends. Back in the 80s I had no exposure to gay porn and no desire to go looking for it, it wasn’t even obviously on sale in the newsagents where I bought my dirty mags.

Later in my now sexless marriage I stumbled across gay porn, it was like a light went on, I became aroused by it and everything started to make sense. This is why I was not that unhappy about my sexless marriage and why in my 20s sex with girls was fun but not extatic.

Hope this helps

SGG

 

I'm Bi, and can say yes to just about all of your original statements. I didn't come out, and accept myself as bi until my mid 40's. I always felt strong physical and emotional attraction to women, and still do. But my emotional attraction to men I always played off as being "a guy crush" thing, and the physical attraction was something I just denied, and repressed and pretended didn't exist until just the past few years, after almost 20 years of marriage and 2 kids.

I'm still coming to term with what "Bi" means myself, so I don't offer any advice, other than to do what you are doing and learn about the different experiences of others. It's amazing how much they vary from person to person.

Finally, don't let anyone tell you who or what you "are". You are you. Ultimately that is all that matters.

 

I grew up thinking I was straight. There is no norm when it comes to how your sexuality develops.

 

It sounds to me like unless you realize you like guys now, you might just be heterosexual. Tell us how you feel about guys, and then it will be easier to place you. You are probably bisexual or straight from the sounds of it though. Personally I only had one same sex crush before puberty, but after puberty I realized I liked guys as well.