i think i lost a friend today

Absolutely don't show her any hostility, even when you feel it, justly.

If she doesn't apologise to you, and you have to contact her - tell her that you really value her friendship and that you trusted her she would understand. Show and remind her of how much you meant for each other, don't be angry at her, that will only scare her away.

 

Unfortunately your can't control how others feel about you. You've been honest that's all you can do.
Send her an email a week or so see no rush. Let her process it all

 

Unfortunately your can't control how others feel about you. You've been honest that's all you can do.
Send her an email a week or so see no rush. Let her process it all

 

That's hard! I have a friend I think will react like this. So tough. I have a feeling she will be back though. Hang in there. X

 

I know the stock reaction is "Well, then I guess he/she wasn't really your friend after all", but that's not really true. These people ARE our friends. What hurts is the realization that perhaps they're not the people we thought they were and hoped they would be.

I don't know how involved the discussion was, but bisexuality sometimes hits people in a much different way that gay vs. straight. A lot of people perceive bisexuals as simply people who sleep with whoever the heck they want to, and perhaps she needs to know that isn't the case. A patient and gentle email followup explaining how things are for you might help her understand. And if she doesn't, then allow yourself some anger. And grief as well.

 

Ouch. I feel for you...this is not how it's supposed to go, nor how it will usually go.

But I disagree with ChoirBoy here...you did not lose a friend. You lost a shallow acquaintance who was masquerading as a friend. Better to know. You may have been a friend to her, but if she was a friend to you, then learning one more thing about you wouldn't leave her disgusted.

Now it's possible that she will in fact contact you with an apology. If that happens, then accept it and readjust: everyone has their own initial reactions and ways of absorbing information...some need space, some need time...lots of stuff can go on while they reorganize their way of thinking about you.

But if she stays cold, then I think you need to readjust your understanding of who she is, just as she readjusted her understanding of who you are.

 

Maybe it just took by surprise. Hopefully things will sort itself within time and if it don't you have to ask yourself do you need a friend who doesn't accept you for who you are?

 

I'm over sorry to hear that, it must have really hurt :-( , however, at the risk of sounding like my own mother, you never really lose friends, you just find out that some people were never your friend to start with. While this hurts now, later you may find yourself grateful that she showed her true colours so that you can save your love and energy for your real friends, people who actually deserve the title. Big hugs ....like most people (LGBTI or not) I have shed a few phonies over the years, and , at the time, it really hurts.

 

It's up to her, to contact you, now. The ball is in her court, so to speak. God even I am feeling a little upset and annoyed in empathy with you. You did the right thing, and got rejected for it. I can only offer you my own total acceptance, that you are and always have been perfect just as you are, and that your sexuality is inherently, wonderfully, and spiritually good. I'm sorry to hear your old friend reacted in this way. It's a difficult journey we are all on here. Remember though, that part of that journey could be, that your circle of friends will change a bit. Maybe that's also part of the journey. (*hug*)

I just figured out why I feel so much reading your post. Once, when I was in my mid to late teens, I joked to my father that I might be gay. The look of disgust on his face, which basically said "oh come off it son, don't be disgusting, of course you're not gay", I can still see it in my mind's eye, if I choose to look back (which I would rather not). I feel really sad for you that you had to endure that because I know what it's like when someone you are close to reacts with disgust. It's difficult. But what someone said above is important. Maybe we don't lose (some of) our friends; maybe we find out who our real friends are: those who will accept us completely as we are. Because we can't nor should we be something we are not, just to please others.

 

It may be as simple as that she was a friend of the person you were pretending to be, not who you really are. If she doesn't want to be friends with who you really are, then it is her loss, not yours, even if her choice disappoints you.

 

I happen to share Choirboy's view on this topic.

Friendships are not all the same. And while I know my friends love me, they are my friends because I love them. I'm sure some wouldn't understand me as a gay man — I barely understand it myself at times. So I do my best not to judge others in this regard. And if that means I can't share this part of my life with them, then so be it. Our friendship may not have the same depth as those I can share it with — but I haven't found that group on the other side yet. And yes, I have been looking.

From my point of view, there is no easy answer, and I think judging others by their reactions isn't helpful. I think people are entitled to be bewildered/confused — even angry in certain situations — when they discover something is not the way they thought it was. To paraphrase a famous saint: "It is more important to understand than to be understood."

I feel your pain, azure au — and I pray your friendship may repair itself.

 

I lost my best friend, of 30 years, really hurts, and think I was in love gah. Makes me think I should have kept shutup, but then no, better to be clear, or clearer anyhow! I have messed things up a bit here, but only lost one real friend, the rest, the haters and all that, they are shallow people, and I have unsettled them all, and now they want some vengance! Well, that's how I imagine they feel, I just ignore them and avoid them, no problem, loosing my best friend was hard, turns out he is not understanding or accepting, I thought not, but took the risk, was it worth it? Probably, only time will tell.

 

It does hurt when you feel rejected by a friend.

Give it time no need to rush on a reply, I think some people can take a while to process what they have just heard. Also you have being thinking about it for a while; maybe even years so to be told something like that could come as a bit of a shock.

You could write an email to them and explaining a bit more but there is no need to rush that either. How often do you see this person; once a day; a week or a month, if its a every day no problem with giving it a week or more, no need to rush it.

Nice phrase from skiff.

 

Oh man, sorry. If you she's going to ignore you because of who you truly are, then she's not a true friend. (*hug*)

 

You go Azure au! You are doing the right thing!

 

The force is strong in this one.

Sometimes parting ways just cannot be helped. Staying true to yourself is the number one priority, and if she can't walk with you on that path, then so be it.

You made a brave choice.
I do not know you very well, but I -am- proud of you. (*hug*)

 

Your friend should be ashamed of herself. One day she will realise what a good friend she has lost. You opened up completely to her and she walked away. I've been there and it hurt. I have gone through a lot of grief counselling for this and I have finally realised the only person that truly cares about my happiness is me. I need to start living my life for me not for the shallow minded people who turn their back at the first sign of trouble.
Unfortunately I think my happiness will have to wait as my ex has got me trapped. However I am happy to hear you have someone special in your life and you are happy. That is worth more than a weak friendship. The hard part is letting go of the friendship you thought you had but never existed. This is something I have found very difficult. You area far better person than her. Keep smiling x