It's been a crazy week for me as I've just started a new job, but I wanted to post about it here to get some thoughts. I went with my parents, sisters, and nieces/nephews to a family reunion out of state. At the reunion, there was a time when my mom and all her cousins got up to introduce themselves and their families. Of course, when my mom introduced me she had to bring up the fact that I am not married yet. I was sitting playing cards with my cousin, a second cousin once removed who is gay, and the second cousin once removed's husband during all of this. His husband of 3 years got introduced as his "friend". My parents were surprisingly nice to his husband and even engaged him in conversation at the post-reunion party. I think my mom joked with them about not understanding why gay men want to be as miserable as straight married people. She also referred to his husband as being part of the family. She didn't even speak negatively of them in conversations regarding their relationship in convos with my immediate family at our hotel. This coming from the woman who brags about signing anti-gay petitions at church. Who seems to buy into every negative gay stereotype. I don't know whether to feel like it should give me hope for when I do come out to them, or if I should be angry that she pretends to be friendly to LGBT people to their face while working to limit LGBT rights. She's regularly shown her disgust with LGBT people around my family. Despite all of this, I ended up having a great time. (And had just a little too much to drink.):rolle:
I know someone like this, I bet she's just not sure what she really thinks of the topic or she could be even sensitive to all people even if she thinks they are in the wrong. I'm sure she's a lovely person, just give her time
My parents are similar. My aunt's best friend grew up across the street from my moms family. This friend ultimately came out as a lesbian. Her family kind of shunned her actually and my moms family - who are very conservative and fairly religious- embraced her. They didn't understand how her family could shun her. They went to her same sex wedding that was about ten years ago (Stone Age for same sex weddings!). I think it has something to do with knowing the person versus disliking the concept. I think a lot of my family- including them- is quick to make fun of and seem disgusted by homosexuality.
Some people take the attitude that it's okay, providing it's not in my family... but your mom actually referred to him as part of the family. Could be a positive sign and it's an event and conversation worth remembering for future, should you need to refer back to it.
Thanks everyone. I think it may be a situation where they are distant enough that it is manageable for her. Still, it's a starting point to combat feeling that it is hopeless that my parents could ever accept me. (Still, no doubt it will be really ugly when I do.) The second cousin once removed, my siblings and I were close in age growing up. We spent a lot of time together as kids when we would visit. This was my first real opportunity to really talk to him since I was middle school age. It was SO nice to spend relatively carefree time with a gay couple and the rest of my family without too much tension.
I have to say in these kind of situations--meaning I am surrounded by people that are really just acquaintances, and to be honest, for me most extended family are basically acquaintances--it doesn't really matter to me whether it is genuine or not, as long as I get to be myself and people are polite and cordial, I'm good. And in my experience they almost always are. My family is Mormon and from Utah and my partner's family is Baptist and from Oklahoma, so we go to a fair number of large events with my family where pretty much everyone there is Mormon and large events with his family where almost everyone is Southern Baptist. Neither we nor anyone in either of our families has ever pretended our relationship was anything other than what it is (we've been together for 16 years). And you know what? No one's ever even looked askance at us. Once at one of the weddings of one of my sisters a couple people assumed before being introduced to us formally that we were the caterers--I tend to think it was the only way they could figure out why these two gay guys were at a wedding in rural Montana, but to be fair, we were helping out with the food.:lol: I've said several times on this forum--and I totally believe it--that the best way to get people to stop making homophobic comments is to tell them you're gay. In my experience well over nine out of ten people will never make a comment like that in your presence again. I really do believe that knowing someone who's gay changes what people think about the whole thing--let's say maybe eight out of ten. But you know I count that other one to two out of ten who still think it but never say it in my presence again as a victory. I think you should too...
