People don't care about my orientation as much as I do!

In some ways I know what you mean. Some day being gay won't be a big deal(like the trolls in homestuck not having a word for it), but today it still is somewhat important. You have to take a certain pride in it.

 

I think that s because it doesn't effect them as much as it does you.

I've noticed the same too. The only one who took it bad was my wife and that's understandable because it also meant the end of our relationship.

 

Like the person above stated, they have no earthly concept of what it's like to be gay. So, they don't know how to care about it. I'm sorry that they can't empathize with you any more than they can. :S.

 

It's the same as anything else, really. To some people, their job is their life. To others, it's something they do for several hours a week to get a paycheck.

Some of my friends find my sexuality interesting, and a few find it fascinating. Most don't give a rat's ass.

Lex

 

For me that was why it was so important to have gay friends, especially when I first came out. It wasn't that the straight people in my life were unaccepting, they just weren't really as interested in it as I was for a while.

 

Knowing this has kind of allowed me to relax a little, to be honest. Talking through things with a friend, he's reminded me repeatedly that while coming out is a huge event in my life, it's really not a big thing for most of the people around me. And as my therapist has said, when someone comes out to you you only have to make a "minor adjustment," but when you are coming out yourself there is a lot more work, and a lot more change involved.

I understand what you mean, though, if people aren't really able to talk it through with you because they don't get what the "big deal" is. I've been fortunate in that the two friends I've spoken to have been understanding, though it's clear they don't really get the depth of what this means to me they do understand why it's frightening and have been patient with me and my emotions. You do have all of us here to vent to if need be, that's what his forum is here for . Do you have anyone in your life that you kind of "talk emotions" with? Because those are the people I have come out to thus far and they've been invaluable in this process, and someone like that is much more likely to get where you are coming from regardless of their own orientation.

 

I always HATE coming out to new people. Specially if its a group of people. When people just assume that i'm straight just because im not stereotypically gay and when i say "my other half" and people are like "Oh how long have you had your girlfriend" and i have the awkward moment to try and tell them its infact a guy and seeing how they feel awkward and kind of step back a bit subconsciously.

I too thought it was going to be different once i came out, everybody was going to be dramatic about it but everybody was cool with it, it was all fine my mates were just like "cool" my family were just like "cool" and other people i tell are just like "cool". (obviously to start off with they think im joking because i'm known as the guy that jokes around all the time, its just my personality)

But yeah. I've never had to face anything homophobic (yet) in my year of being out of the closet even though im now 23.

 

It's been quite a contrast I came out and people were like oh that's mildly interesting and then nothing. I'm just happy I don't have to hide anymore. I know how you feel. You're not weak though you're strong. And I see that and so will real life people you just have to be yourself the right people will be there for you!!!

 

IT's the truth for the most part.

It's easy for people to be homophobic until they know someone who is gay that they actually like. Which is why a lot of closeted gay guys like myself partially have this inflated view that it's the end of the world to be gay.

The reason you care so much, and some other gay people don't and straight people is your upbringing. I knew I was gay at around age 12 or maybe before, and I started paying attention to homophobic comments at that time. A lot of gay people don't realize till they are older. That means at age 24, I've spent around half my life hearing negative shit about being gay ; though it may be in a joking manner, it's just the sheer amount of negativity that has been thrown towards me that has seriously damaged my self esteem. A lot of gay people don't realize till they're about to end highschool, which leaves them only a couple years of negativity, when I've spent the better half of my life being aware of my sexuality and letting all those negative comments accumulate to make me think it's a huge flaw.

How this ties into you, I don't know if you experienced something similar; were self aware really early and maybe have heard a bit more homophobic stuff than the average person.

But anyway, straight people don't pay attention or make note of homophobic comments, it doesn't personally affect them, therefore they can throw around homophobic comments and not be homophobic and be indifferent towards jokes. They just don't pay attention because it doesn't hurt them. So being gay to a lot of them isn't a big deal because they don't realize how homophobic and anti-gay our society can seem.

Growing up in an area that isn't homophobic doesn't spare you either. You are going to hear gay, fag...etc in peoples speech. And the longer you are aware of it, the more you pay attention, the bigger of a deal it seems.

A lot of gay people just haven't spent their impressionable years identifying with the word gay and homosexual, and fag. I have, and I bet you have, because everytime you heard those words used negatively it sort of chipped away at you. Straight people don't get chipped by it, and some gay people don't, so they just don't see what the big deal is.

I know people that didn't realize they were gay till after highschool, I don't know how that is possible, but that would have been amazing.

So ya, it's not anything wrong with you, you've just been over exposed to homophobic comments that do negatively affect you, whilease other gay people either don't pay attention like straight people, or are unaffected.

I think it's almost more normal to think it's a big deal, because that means you've been noticing how homophobic people can seem even if they aren't.