I Came out to My Wife Yesterday

I'm glad that everything went well with your wife and I hope that things continue to do so. What you did takes a lot of courage and I very much admire that!!

Although I don't know your story, I do share many of the same feelings that you have. I completely understand those feelings of guilt and remorse over not being the type of lover that you feel your partner deserves. I have been dealing with this burden for some time now! It's also great you have a counselor to share your journey with. I have seriously considered therapy as well. I will look out for your updates!

Continued luck to you

 

All the best to both of you. (*hug*)

 

that was very brave(*hug*) i hope it stays on such a level keel. we're here for you, all of EC. But you know that.

 

Congratulations.... That's great. Such a big step. Its wonderful how understanding your wife is. Your right though there are some hard days ahead as she begins to mourn. Atleast that was my experience with an exceptionally understanding woman. I wish I had a gay friend to talk to when I first came out and began discovering my gay self as she often wasn't interested in hearing my revelations(we continue to live together). All together things have been very good between us and I hope the same for you as it sounds like you love and care for her very much.

 

Brave! The steps get smaller now.

 

Congrats on doing that! I really hope everything goes well for you.

 

Congratulations! There may be good days and bad for awhile, but that's OK. What's important is that you're moving in the direction you want to be moving. The journey can be hard, but it's a great feeling to look back and realize how much pain and uncertainty and unhappiness you have dumped on the road behind you, instead of carrying it in your soul. Good job!

 

That is an enormous step.
And it is an act of true vulnerability, courage and trust, to speak the truth and put it in the hands of another. You have no control of how she will respond in the days, months, years to come.

When I told my wife I am gay, she responded positively, lovingly at first. She could see the pain i am in, and had been in for so very long.
By the next day, as reality sank in, she was angry, upset, confused, hurt, fearful.... This really is big. In the months since, we continue to work out our relationship, and try to understand what it is. Nothing has changed- but everything has changed. In all this time, my wife has been,and is, supportive and understanding,and respectful. But the reality is, our relationship has changed. When I shared my truth with her, I thought I was breaking down a wall between us, that it might bring us together. In stead, a new wall rose up instantly between us. And it is not one I can take down myself.

I do not know what your situation will become, and I hope the best for both of you. If it is helpful, my advice is be extra kind with yourself during this time, and patient with your wife as she settles into this new reality. This can be stressful - off the chart stressful, so it is even more important than ever to take good care of yourself, and allow her to take care of herself.

Blessings to you both.

 

Hello MarriedOver50

Congratulations on finding the courage to take this monumental set forward and especially digging really deep to tell her of your bathhouse visits etc. I’m happy that your wife took it took it so well and was supportive of your pain and vulnerability.

When I told my wife she was shocked since she had no idea and I explained to her that she would most likely go through the “5 Stages of Grief” i.e. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance as she comes to terms with the loss of the person she thought she knew. You can’t put a time scale on this process but if you make her aware of the process it will help you both as you work through this together.

Be prepared for good days and bad days. My wife needed constant reassurance that I would not leave her and to be honest it has seemed more like she has stepped into my closet as I stepped out of it. Your wife probably will not want anyone else to know you’re gay and my press you to find out who else knows.

So take it slow and keep us posted.

SGG

P.S.

I have found since I came out that we are closer, presumably because she now knew that whatever was wrong between us was not her fault, but that new closeness has made it harder for me to be myself as it seems I’m piling on more hurt.

 

I'm glad that you were able to be totally honest with her even about the masseurs and bath house. It was going to have to come out eventually - so you might as well get it out up front and deal with it. That took a lot of courage. You should be proud of yourself.

 

I just wanted to extend a few kinds words as I know this is a very challenging and transformative time for you both. I recently ended my relationship and I identify with a lot of you long married folks with how you hold your wife/husband in high regard. My wish is for both of us to get to a point where we really heal from our situations, help the ones we love do the same as best as we can, and truly find the happiness and fulfillment we seek.

My GF did this. That was a constant question that came up every time we discussed my 'condition'. "Does anyone else know?" It kept me trapped within myself, unable to express what I truly struggle with to anyone. Yet at the same time, unable to express to her as she feels anything resembling affirmation is wrong.

 

Very happy for you that you took this big step. I know it was a difficult one to make but I am hoping that the next steps are easier and more rewarding. Please let us know what is new and know that I will be thinking of you.

 

Big step, Josh! Congrats for having the courage to do this.

 

I am so proud of you and am humbled by your courage. Peace to you and your wife.

 

Congrats with coming out to her (!). I'm happy to hear that she was so supportive and listening . I wish for only the best, sir.

 

HI,

I’m glad that you are still on relatively good speaking terms and I totally get the “most honest conversation in 24 years” I think most couples don’t actually talk about their feelings often enough. So good luck and keep us posted.

SGG

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story so far. I have not come out to my wife yet and need to wait at least a few months for a circumstance to change first. I am inspired and encouraged by your thoughts and story.

I especially empathise with you when you said "I have a deep desire to not just have sex with men, but to experience genuine and honest intimacy with a man." For me this is one of the most compelling reasons that is making me want to end my marriage... I really think I want a new life with men that doesn't involve her... However it is terrible thinking of hurting her by leaving her. But is it hurting her even more by staying? I just don't know.

Please continue to share your journey with us here if you would. We can get through this together.

 

Hi MarriedOver50, hope you're keeping well.

Just wondering how you are getting on and how things are between you and your wife.

SGG