Since you came out to your wife, husband or significant other, what do you call her/him? We always called each other honey, but it feels wrong now. Using her first name feels so formal. Sometime I'll call her mommy, especially around the kids. And how about in emails? For the first few months I still signed them "Love..." until it became clear that was rubbing her the wrong way. Now I just start with "Hi" and leave out the signature.
Given that there are young adolescents on this site, I will refrain from stating exactly how I tend to, or want to, address my ex. Let's just say that they ain't terms of endearment...:dry:
I call my ex by his first name and he does the same. It felt strange at the beginning, but now it's normal
First names only. We were pretty far past terms of endearment years ago anyhow. And although we're living together and I'll only be filing for a separation for the moment, not a divorce for awhile, I avoid referring to her as "my wife". I generally speak about my daughters "and their mother". More for the sake of boundaries than anything else, and since I already have a guy in my life, referring to her as "my wife" seems very inaccurate and wrong.
Bad news: A) even the 13 year olds probably know those words, and B) many of them probably use them sometimes. I probably heard the "f" word more times from classmates in 7th grade PE during the average week than I do in months of adult life now... ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2014 at 02:55 PM ---------- This is not something I've had experience with, at least in the sense of a wife/girlfriend/etc. And, to state the obvious, I think the labels/terms/names will vary from person to person. I do recall, though, having a problem very much like this when I was late high school age. My father divorced my mother at that point. And the terms and labels used on him became hugely difficult. I was so angry for so long that I didn't want to think of him as a father. My mother did not accept the divorce, and so she probably only used "ex" very reluctantly, if at all. I don't remember how we handled the situation; it probably varied. But I can recall being very angry when my mother would make some comment to me about "your father." Now, I sort of shake my head, and think that maybe I should have let the label stand just to keep things simple. It's just a word, a label; it doesn't have to mean a relationship exists that makes a 50s sitcom father look like an abusive creep.
just to clarify my last post here, when my son is here i call her by mom, your mother or by her name. otherwise, she's the EX at work or in social situations and by several other labels when i talk with myself.
Long ago in a galaxy far away, my partner worked for a man named Blair. He was not a terribly pleasant person. She met his wife once, though, who was quite nice...but the wife introduced herself to my partner as "Hi, I'm the one who is married to Blair". LOLOL Never occurred to me that they could be going through a sexuality-related separation (it did occur to me that a divorce could possibly be in progress). Anyway, it provides another option for alternative language in referring to your spouse or describing yourself in relation to them.
This is a timely thread for me. My wife started calling me by my first name last month. It was startling how much a difference it makes, like she is rolling back our relationship incrementally. :-(
I guess I'm the odd one out. We still use terms of endearment and such, I guess after 36 years it's almost ingrained. We were friends before we got married and she agrees that our relationship has changed forever but are still friends. We both realize that we are pulling away from each other, I wish I could explain better. But there are times as you say the terms are not endearing.
