Sorry to vent my feelings here tonight. I know there are a lot of people in this world who are suffering way more that I am, but I am just feeling really lonely right now. I do not have a lot of friends, and I never really have. I think it is because of being gay. I grew up in a very small town, and I did not like playing sports with the boys, and the girls would make fun of me for hanging around them.... I remember this happening even back in kindergarten. So from a young age I just got use to being alone. This is something that I dealt with all the way through high school. I did not have my first real friend until I was in college, and I made several of them. It was great, but unfortunately, I came out to these friends, and they were all saying they were supportive, but now slowly, they have abandoned me. I am down to one left, and she will only take my call if she absolutely has to. I guess I do not understand why this is bothering me so much. I mean I really did not even understand what it was like to have a friend until I was like 19 or 20 years old. I just learned to be a loner. It was so much easier then trying to make friends and being bullied by others. Now, that I am back to being totally alone, I guess I am just feeling a little lost. If that makes sense. I just want to thank all of you who took time to read this. Like I said, I feel this problem is so small compared to what all the rest of you are facing. I feel that everyone in emptyclosets is so strong and brave. I really, truly do. You are all facing so many more pressing burdens than what I am facing in my life. Thanks for reading
people may have their own problems and there may be worse things going on in their lives but that does not mean you should undervalue your own problems, im sorry you feel alone, i have also but do you want friends, honestly?
Dear Iowan I have had many times in my life when I had few friends and felt isolated. It felt like I was holding myself together. The grace of having friends is being able to let go. This was especially hard for me all the years I was in the closet. It is getting easier now, and I am making new friends. I wish you well in your search for friendship!
Hey Iowan, Please don't minimize or undervalue your feelings, they are what make you human, they need to be honored. When we're in the closet, our personalities, our very selves, become hidden as well, and because we rarely get to exercise our social skills, our personalities become hidden even to ourselves! No wonder there is that "lost" feeling... We avoid the pain of being different by keeping ourselves apart from others, but in doing so, we also inadvertently shut down the side of us that is joyful and friendly. After a while it becomes a hard-to-break habit, the shell hardens. This is no small thing, take it seriously. Part of the problem is probably that you are still in an environment that is not accepting (please correct me if I'm wrong). If I am correct, you may have to consider changing that environment. It's ok to feel a little lost at the moment, but eventually you will need to break out of your comfortable cocoon. No one here would say that coming out of the closet solves all the problems that come from being closeted for so long; there is still a lot of work to do, including stepping out of being alone. These are social skills that can be learned (you could, for example, read Dale Carnegie's How to Make Friends and Influence People it still has some important truths to tell about friendship and socializing), but the first ingredient is courage. Let us therefore encourage you to step out into the world; most people will respond even if you are nervous, as long as you own that feeling and are authentic about it. The following self-introduction I learned today could help you with breaking the ice: The first step for you is realizing just how important friendship is. Friedrich Nietzsche stated the following and it is perfectly true: Know to the depth of your soul why you need to break out and make friends, then learn how...
Hi Iowan, It's all relative, babe; suffering is suffering, and yours is as big as anyone else's. As always there's great advice to be had here, so I just wanted to lend support and let you know you have another someone in your corner
What interests/hobbies do you have? Maybe join a group in your town that does activities that you enjoy. I was in a similar situation when I had to leave home to live in Australia for a couple of years, and in the end decided to join a gaming group that would MEET UP once or twice a week. It's easier to make friends with people who enjoy the same things as you do. We're not allowed to name sites here I believe, but there's a massive global site online that allows people to MEET UP (coughs) according to their interests.
Dear Iowan, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. That is commendable. I'm sorry for and empathize with your loneliness -- it is so difficult to stay positive when the lonely feelings creep in and smother your sense of well-being. It's something I've been struggling with myself. Something small that helped me feel better today was an NPR program about happiness (NPR/TED Simply Happy). It reminded me to enjoy the moment I'm in, even when I'm alone and feeling lonely. I've also been recording positive LGBT moments on brightly-colored sticky notes and pasting them on a nice poster I have hanging in my home office. Each sticky note reminds me of positive steps that I've taken to get out and interact with the community (attending a Meet Up dinner, visiting the local LGBT center, going to Pride, etc.). It creates an uplifting and encouraging visual of all the moments worth celebrating along the sometimes-bumpy journey. It's still tough, I know. Wishing you some peace and comfort during these lonely times...
Hey Iowan, I'm sorry you've been feeling down and lonely. I know when I get in that place it's really hard to reach out and have any ambition to do anything. I hope you're feeling better today. Do you have family in the area or could go visit some family? I try to stay busy with stuff to keep my mind occupied, but I guess that only lasts for so long and getting started on anything is a job by itself sometimes. Sending good vibes your way
Iowan, your problem is not small at all, in fact it means a lot to me. Your words resonate deep inside me as you talk of the self imposed isolation to protect yourself. In my opinion "it's bothering you" as we need to feel acceptance and appreciation at the very least. For me I've stopped that from happening by saying to myself all kinds of negative things and keeping others at more than arms length. I've come to the point where I just can't do that anymore. I want to "get out of my cave" and live. I hope you can join me in "getting out" to experience life, sure we may get hurt... but we stand a better chance of being nurtured if we allow it.
