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Hi Folks, I have to confess to being a chicken.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SaleGayGuy, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. SaleGayGuy

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    For over an hour this morning I sat in a coffee shop alone as I do every other week, whilst my wife goes for a drink with her friend. I got out my smart phone and using that gay app that’s frequently used in coffee shops I noticed 3 gay guys within 4 meters of me, one couple and a single guy. I could clearly identify them from their photos on the app and I could also see from the app that they were also logged in and therefore should have known I was also a few meters away from them. Somewhat discouragingly the single guy who was also sat by himself, whom I had chatted to online before, got up and left, I hope not because I had arrived.

    I have to admit that I didn’t have the courage to go over to the couple or even message them, and neither did they choose to message me even though we are both regulars, sit more or less in the same place, and see each other every other week. Even though I have now been to a couple of support group meetings, in Manchester’s gay village where I freely chat to strangers, somehow interrupting someone’s Saturday morning coffee session seems rude. Should I take it that if someone is online and not choosing to contact someone whio is obviously so close then it would be rude to interrupt, what do you think?

    SGG
     
    #1 SaleGayGuy, Aug 16, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2014
  2. Candace

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    I'm sorry that that happened to you. But from what you said, the guy being a regular and all to that coffee shop, shouldn't you get a second chance soon? Ask them for sugar, an extra spoon, something to smart some small talk, and then carry on a chinwag (yes, I know that term means :lol:slight_smile: and just mention that you've seen him in this place a lot (and how great the food is, etc. no wonder). Bam, you have your little convo going on and you can talk to the guy more. :slight_smile:

    I wish you good luck and have fun!! :slight_smile:
     
  3. RAdam

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    What kind of apps you people using :0 I know I know can't ask can't be told.. :frowning2:
     
  4. CoyoteCalling

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    Maybe they were just as unsure if they could approach you? Freaking out and pretending not to see someone I only knew online, even leaving the building, sounds like something I would do, not because I was adverse to the person, but because I felt too nervous to talk to them. Then I would get home and feel awful. Or it might not have had anything to do with you at all. My point is, you had no idea what any of the three were thinking, so don't take it personally without more information.
     
  5. Damien

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    I'm trying to learn, that maybe some folks are just as shy or awkward about approaching other folks, as I am. Try not to speculate too much on 'why' they got up and left. Remember also, that 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' as well. :slight_smile:
     
  6. ClosetedFather

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    There is a good chance that they never saw you on their app. Just because the app says there logged in I some really just mean they were logged in recently. And if they were logged in doesn't mean they were paying attention to it at the time. I wouldn't sweat it much.
     
  7. Yossarian

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    What he ^^^ said; don't take it as any kind of rejection. People don't always look at apps that are running.
     
  8. greatwhale

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    Here's a suggestion:
    Hi! My name is -------. I have to confess (pause) I'm a little nervous introducing myself, but when I saw you, I knew I would regret it if i didn't say something.

    How would you react if someone approached you like that?
     
  9. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Folks, thanks for all the suggestions.

    I think part of the issue I have is that if I did go over and chat to those guys the conversation would most likely lead at some point to my coming out story and I'm not sure I want to do that in public. I think that I find it easier to talk in the all gay environment at the support group in the gay village.


    I think next time I go to the coffee shop I'll change the wording on my photo to indicate I'm in the coffee shop between x & y and looking to chat, of course I could end up with every gay guy in town descending on the coffee shop. (!)

    SGG
     
  10. mnguy

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    Do you have a face pic on your profile so they could clearly see it's you sitting there if they were looking at the app? Did the profiles for the guys sitting together say they were single? When you said couple I was thinking they were together, but maybe that wasn't the case. Who knows why the other guy left. If the chat with him previously was good I suppose you could ask to meet him there or another place. I still have yet to see or recognize a guy on one of those apps. It's good you're going to the gay group and all, keep up the good work! :thumbsup:
     
  11. quietman702

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    SGG when you said "Somewhat discouragingly the single guy who was also sat by himself, whom I had chatted to online before, got up and left, I hope not because I had arrived." It really struck a chord with me.

    So many times when chatting or meeting a person if something seems to go wrong I blame myself. For instance a really nice guy and I have been chatting with suddenly didn't say good morning via chat. He also posted some pix which talked about cutting someone loose. I immediately thought it was meant for me. Why do we do this to ourselves??

    But as the others have said it probably had nothing to do with you at all and you did nothing wrong. GW has a good suggestion and I like your idea of updating the app to show time period etc.. But remember if no one accepts you invitation they be just as bashful as you.
     
  12. SaleGayGuy

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    MNguy:

    Yes I do have a face pic on my profile that I think is fairly recognisable but I could go one step further and take a photo of me sat in the café in the actual clothes I‘m wearing on that day reading the actual magazine I’m reading.

    The couple I mentioned always sit together, each has their own profile page that states they are a couple, and they usually dress exactly as they do on their profile pics. The only thing I could say about them is that they both state they are only interested in bears and I’m not really described as a bear.

    As for the other guy, when I have chatted to him online he actually suggested the gay support group I attend and I was hoping to meet him at the group but so far he’s not attended so I just keep my fingers crossed.

    QuietMan:

    Yes I guess the guy that left may have been thinking “that chap looks familiar .. oh he’s just a regular in this coffee shop” and not have made the connection. I guess I will have to be more forward in future.

    SGG
     
  13. looking for me

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    try sending him a message while he's there like, look to your left. and when he does smile.:icon_bigg

    ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2014 at 09:22 PM ----------

    BTW, don't feel bad about being "Chicken" i was at an LGBT friendly party yesterday with a bunch of great looking guys and i was too shy to introduce myself either.
     
  14. jay777

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  15. mnguy

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    Haha, yea you should do that and if you can hold up your phone showing the app on it in the picture would be good too. I'm kidding, but your reply made me laugh. You have a good sense of humor. :icon_wink
     
  16. SaleGayGuy

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    MNguy:

    Re Photos on those smartphone apps: A strange thing happened the other night at the support group I go to, I was chatting to a really cute guy around my age and we were talking about the various phone apps etc. He started the "well known app with a yellow background " and straight away my photo pops up on his phone as being only a few feet away and he adds me as a "Favorite". On my phone I could not see him or any of the other guys sitting near me, but it did show lots of guys only a few feet away but they didn't look like any of the folks in the room with me.

    The guy I was talking to then gets up to go outside for a smoking break but does not return to the group or go for a drink afterwards. Whilst I was talking to some of the organisers of the support group in the bar my phone beeps and I get a message through the app I mentioned from a cute young guy whose photo and name I didn't recognise thanking me for talking time to talk to him.

    I know I get a little absent minded but I had no recollection of seeing this guy or talking to him so I passed my phone round the organisers to see if they recalled the guy attending the meeting. Well they all started drooling over this guy and saying they couldn't believe it leaving me somewhat confused. It turned out that this cute guy on my phone was the cute guy I was talking to only the photo must have been taken 15 years ago and he had used his middle name on his profile. This guy was well known to the organisers for many years but they had never seen this photo of him.

    So lesson learned :eusa_doh: I shouldn't expect folks to look in real life as they do on their profile photos or even have the same name. I'm far too honest on line it seems. I hope I get to meet this guy again next time :icon_bigg.

    SGG
     
    #16 SaleGayGuy, Aug 21, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2014
  17. mnguy

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    Hey SGG, I wasn't expecting such a story when i first started reading your post. That's surprising he would use such an old pic. C'mon, if he's gonna post a picture of himself, at least post one from the last year or two max. So this guy was hot 15 years ago and he's still hot so go get him! I do wish the best for you and your romantic endeavors. :slight_smile:
     
  18. Damien

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    I don't care how 'cute' someone is, I think posting a photo 15 years old borders on a lack of complete honesty, and that would not make a very good 'first impression' on me.
     
  19. asdfghjk

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    imo you are very bold for even using the app, with a picture of yourself, and being around others on it. You are not a chicken!