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How open are you?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Missy, Aug 17, 2014.

  1. Missy

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    Hi everyone!
    I am new here and like what i have read so far. I recognize myself in alot.:icon_bigg

    I am a bit puzzled about how open I should be about being bisexual?
    I have told several friends about liking both men and women, but not my parents and not ppl from work.
    I haven´t felt 100% comfortable telling my whole family and I have kept my orientation for myself at jobs that I had. Somehow this makes me feel like I am not standing up for myself. We had this big Pride- parade in my town and I both like and don´t like it. In a way it makes me feel like i HAVE to come out, since so many else do it. It´s like they just scream out their sexual orientation during that parade. And it makes me feel a bit guilty that I am this old and haven´t for example told my mum that I like women too. I am afraid ppl will judge me coming out this late, like why haven´t you told me before?! :rolle:
    I am a very sensitive person and afraid of being different so ppl can judge me.
    I wonder how open you ppl are and what reactions you had coming out?
     
  2. C06122014

    C06122014 Guest

    I had positive reactions coming uo to my family and close friends but I have the same problem I mean not the same problem but a similar one, like what do I say if I'm asked if I'm gay do I say yes do I say no do I say,"it's none of your business?" What do I say but you I think maybe you could tell people when you're asked I have to friends who are bisexual and they are both open about it, in the sence that when asked they say yes that they are bisexual they are both currently dating the opposite sex :slight_smile:
     
  3. Missy

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    Yes I think that´s a good idea, to tell if you´re asked. If ppl ask, I also think you can say that you are open minded. If you for example say it´s non of your business ppl might think that you are not comfortable with your orientation and need to be defencive about it.
     
  4. Black Raven

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    I'm extremely open, to the point of being in your face.

    It works for me, as I'm proud and happy with who I am, and don't care about people judging me for it using silly bigot logic. I also own and regulary wear LGBT clothes & accessories that make it clear who I am to everyone I encounter.

    That's not the right way to go for everyone, as we're all different, but being proud of who you are is a good step for everyone I'd say. Thing is: You ARE who you are, and that is perfectly fine. If anybody hates you for it, even family, they are in the wrong, not you. If they're good family, if people truly like, love and appreciate you, there should be no issues when you come out to them.

    Besides, regarding relationships, your future partners should know about your orientation, it's only fair and prevents drama, also sorts out bigots right from the start.
     
  5. Samantha2014

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    Hey Missy

    I'm not out and 99% of the time I don't think people would even consider i could be anything but heterosexual. I hate that people don't know the real me but I also recognise that in my circumstances it would not be in my best interest for the people I work with to find out. I am quite introverted and really struggle to make and keep friends but I have decided from now on I am going to make a point with my new friends of dropping it into the conversation, they are nicer people than I work with I just feel I need to start being honest but in a way that keeps me safe too. I hope that I can put my trust in them and to be honest I am at a stage in life where I have always been a loner but I would like to have some really good friends that I can share the real me with, if they don't like me because of it then I guess it wasn't meant to be. I just don't want a life time of living half a life.
     
  6. LOSTONE10

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    I haven’t and won’t tell my family that I am bi or gay ( don’t know just yet ). They have always given me troubles about everything. My sexuality will just be one more thing. I have enough to deal with and nothing to prove to them anyways. As to others...it’s on a ‘if they ask me and I feel comfortable/safe to tell them’ bases. The way I look at it is if I am not interesting in sleeping with them, I don’t need to tell them anything. Not like they are going to say. “Dude! You’re gay?! Here’s a certificate of awesomeness.”
     
  7. tjhief

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    I am very open about my sexual orientation. Dropping it into conversation is mostly when I feel like a man is trying to hit on me or when I'm in a relationship. I just want to get it out of the way as soon as possible, so we can begin to build on a relationship with no secrets. (work, friendship, any kind)

    That being said, I think it is much harder to come out as being bisexual. From what I've heard and seen, neither gay nor heterosexual people have total acceptance of it. (I'm not saying everyone, but a lot of people try to marginalize being bisexual)
     
  8. Chief Beifong

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    I really don't mind of people ask me, I would answer straight away. But sadly, the situation never came. I won't declare it to the world, maybe small hints and maybe people will soon get it. But as I haven't come out to my parents, brother or to a couple of people in my group of friends, I will wait a bit more. But among friends or acquaintances, I don't mind answering them if they do ask.
     
  9. Linthras

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    Ultimately you should do what you're comfortable with.
    If you're extravert and sure, be as open as you like. (Barring any areas where it might result in dangerous gay bashing of course).
    If you're introvert and/or unsure you're perfectly fine to keep it yourself, your sexuality is no-one but yourself and possibly the person you want to sleep with.

    I myself have come out deliberately at first when I was at peace with myself, but after a year I adopted the policy that's also my Out Status: If anyone asks I'll tell.
    Otherwise they can assume what they want, I don't care. If they tell someone else I'm straight (which most people seem to assume) I'll correct them, but I no longer see or feel the need to deliberately come out.
     
  10. Jim1454

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC!

    I'd say it really depends on you and your family. How positive and 'matter of fact' can you be when you talk about it? That usually signals to other people that it's OK and not a big deal, so they're OK with it and don't consider it a big deal.

    Some people will consider it a big deal regardless of how you tell them - although the thousands of stories here about people coming out supports the fact that usually the reaction we get is much better than the reaction that we feared getting.

    I came out because I was dating a man, and I wanted to be able to talk about him with my kids, my family, my coworkers, etc. And even today I had to correct the person I was talking to at the bank - that it wasn't my wife that would be joining me at the appointment, it would be my husband. I'm coming out all the time to new people because I don't want to give the impression that I don't want to talk about it or it is something to hide.

    On the other hand, maybe it isn't as big a deal in your case until you actually start dating a girl. At that point you'd probably want to explain to people that you're bi, otherwise they'll assume you're gay. Another way of looking at it.

    Again - welcome!
     
  11. Penpal

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    I have opened up to a few friends who are supportive. I told my mum I had feelings for a woman and she said I hope you aren't gay and don't tell anyone because they won't want friends like that. That made me question myself again and I have gone back in the process quite a bit. She later said she would support me if I was with a woman but I find it hard to accept after her initial reaction. The woman I had feelings for also stopped talking to me although I never told her how I felt I did tell her I was bi. My husband left me so I guess I find it difficult to trust people now. People who I thought would be there for me have actually really hurt me. Others have really supported me. I plan to tell people now if I meet someone. Other than that I'm done telling people for now. It's the best feeling in the world if it goes well but the pain is awful if it doesn't and I don't seem to be a good judge of character at the moment. I'm not out to my family other than my mum or work. Most of my friends don't know either. I find being bi quite difficult, you don't seem to fit in anywhere.
     
  12. CyclingFan

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    I'm trying to be more and more open if only for the simple fact that I think it will help me meet more potential partners. I don't think that I read as particularly "gay" at least not at this point in my life.
     
  13. brandonisi

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    When I first started coming out, I did so cautiously, as I didn't want it to get back to anyone in my family. But once my family knew, and the years went by and I got older, I really don't have any set way to describe it.

    I would consider myself "out" in the sense that I don't hide it. I don't go running down the street waving a rainbow flag, but if someone asks me if I'm gay, asks if i'm married, if I have a girlfriend, what have you, I'll be honest about it. I'm not ashamed. I'm very proud to tell people I've been with the love of my life for almost a decade, and yep - he's a man, too.
     
  14. Lexington

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    My general definition for being "out".

    1. Those close to me know.
    2. I don't give a rat's ass who else knows.

    I don't know if my butcher knows, or my mailman, or the guy three doors down. Maybe they do. Maybe I'll say or do something that clues them in. If so, that's cool. If not, that's cool, too.

    Lex
     
  15. Candace

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    I'm somewhat out, but not out entirely. I haven't come out to the entirety of my family and I'm not as comfortable as you think I am with my sexuality.
     
  16. Damien

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    I was having a chat with this lovely guy who was sorting out a telco bill for me, anyway when he asked me where I went out dancing, I got evasive and said "oh, just random places..." and was using all my powers not to blush. Because although I liked him, and sensed that just maybe he liked me back, my instinct was to hide, and not to mention the name of the place - because it's pretty well known as a gay venue. Despite my evasiveness, when all our business was done, and our chatting over, he extended his hand at the end and introduced himself properly. I couldn't believe it, actually...and then as I left I kind of said goodbye shyly, with a smile (kind of like a girl, for god's sake!)...if he didn't know before he bloody well knows now. I kind of witnessed myself doing it so to speak, and immediately thought "what the hell did you just do, straight guys don't say goodbye like that!" Anyway in the last week, I've met two guys, just while out and about doing my usual business, that I've felt attracted to, and who have at least liked me back...yet it was in just that situation where maybe casually dropping the name of that place, might not have been the terrible thing I thought. After all, if he was gay, it would not have been an issue at all, obviously...and if he wasn't, well why should I be afraid either? But I was, nevertheless.
     
    #16 Damien, Aug 29, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2014
  17. Fallingdown7

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    Ehhh I try to be as open as I can these days because I've come out over 10 years ago and don't want it to be a process.
     
  18. alwaysforever

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    I am pretty open out it. I simple can't hide it, and at this point in my life I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be me no matter what. It's hard facing discrimination and all the social obstacles, but I couldn't be happy if I lived an empty life.
     
  19. Damien

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    :slight_smile: That is how I feel as well, and more and more lately, it actually feels more uncomfortable to hide my sexuality / gender identity, than it is to live it openly - despite the occasional difficulties I face (my main issues being, some older conservative folks (and occasionally, straight guys) kind of 'laughing' a little at how I dress and present nowadays, and, sometimes, guys old enough to be my father kind of creeping me out in the way they look at me - in which case, I quickly put on my masculine, 'don't mess with me' look. lol).
     
    #19 Damien, Aug 29, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2014