hey have any of you gone through a social withdrawal period?

I can relate, I think.

After realising I wasn't sure enough of my sexuality, I stopped talking to my friends to much and when I went away I wanted to spend as little time as possible with family.
I became very wrapped in my own thoughts, unable to stop thinking about it and so I became quite unsociable and unable to hold a conversation for a while.
I started feeling quite sad a lot of the time and uncomfortable being round my family.

Thankfully, recently I've stopped being like that, mainly due to EC making me realise that I don't need to label my feeling and restrict myself to the way those labels dictate.
I feel a lot better and I hope you do soon as well.

 

This surprises you?

Since you're bi, perhaps you should focus more on women.

 

I'm going throught this, but I can't tell for sure if it's because I'm questioning my sexuality too much or if it's something else entirely.

 

Yes, definitely!

In grade 11 (so a few years ago) I spent the whole year socially withdrawn. A great deal of it had to do with my sexuality and obsessing over what other people think in general.

Even now I have my chatty days and my don't-talk-to-me days, but it's more or less random and not caused by something

 

Absolutely. It's one of the reasons why I made sure I was closer to the city center for this time.

 

Im very withdrawn, never go out, never go to pubs or bars or clubs or raves, yes kids raves, im that old.
Hoping soon to pluck up the courage and set myself free, but likley ill justt stay here.. Boo hoo.. Gah moods pha, onward and upwards. I am where I am, and its a good place, just not right for me, I need a man baby, I need to find myself, I am lost, who what am i? Much easier to not lable and just be yourself. Yeah, right, oh except for all the respinsabilities and dependents ...

---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 03:48 AM ----------

Oh, forgot to mention how totally fantastic I am!

---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 03:49 AM ----------

both in looks and outlook!
My whole whole life I have run, now is time to stand and face it

 

Absolutely. Since coming out Bi I've found myself socially withdrawing even more than usual. Since I was married for 20 years, most of my friends were "couple friends" of my wife and I. It feels like she's inherited all the friends in the divorce settlement.

Being closeted for so many years always made me feel like an outsider, but now that I'm "out" to my straight friends and family the distance is even more pronounced. The few single friends I have are supportive, but not exactly the kind of network I need to meet new people.

I'm hoping that as time passes, I can find the courage to get out and meet people, both men and women. But right now, I've become a hermit.

 

Hard to say. I came out just after college...after which I took a job in a small backwards town where I didn't really know anybody. I spent a lot of nights at home reading and listening to music. I don't think it was because I was all that anti-social - just not much other option.

Lex

 

Social withdrawal period? Maybe my entire life :icon_redf .

I'm not really out yet. To be honest I've been hoping coming out will improve my social life rather than impede it. I have a small circle of friends who I expect to be accepting, and they already know I'm not into the bar scene so when we spend time together it's usually watching movies or dinner or something like that. Things that I wouldn't classify as "gay" or "straight." I'm hoping I'll be able to start meeting some other LGBT people once I come out, too, however I'm not entirely sure where to look. I may try meetup groups, as I am not into bars or dancing.

During this questioning period, though, I have found myself withdrawing more than usual, or at least I was at some points more so than others. I've been depressed off and on. Anxious about being "found out" or how others might respond when I do come out. These things have definitely caused me to withdraw. I'd shy from social contact so I didn't have to hide my feelings or worry about something slipping out. Or, I was just too depressed or too anxious to go out entirely. Things are slowly starting to look up for the moment, particularly after coming out to my closest friend, which has given me some confidence that things don't necessarily have to change between myself and my friends.

 

I'm 'lucky' in the sense that I think I could still be intimate with a woman, so if my desire to be close to a guy remains unsatisfied, I might have to accept that it won't be fulfilled. If you feel despair at this I can relate. Folks here keep saying that there are other guys like us around, who want to:

1. meet a like-minded guy (similar interests maybe, etc)
2. get to know them gradually - as a friend first
3 then the friendship naturally deepens into sexual intimacy, when we know each other fairly well. You know, like it was with women, mostly?

Ok so these guys 'exist' but I ask, where? How do I find them? At the 'gay venue' I dance at, even making eye contact is awkward, let alone striking up a conversation, because folks seem to assume that means you want to have sex with them - that night. But really with 90% of the guys there I just want to have a chat, but as you can see 'just chatting' is hard to do there. Many of them won't chat unless they think you might be good to sleep with. If that sounds awful, well I agree. I also want to know where are all the 'guys like you and I' who are not just 'in it for a quick shag' are, and where can I find them? Internet dating might be the only way, right?

---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2014 at 07:26 AM ----------

Hi offmychest,

I just realized that many such guys are actually here, on ec. Only full members are allowed to share contact info though, so meeting anyone here is of course limited to full members. But maybe that is one sane option.

 

I think I've been withdrawn for a long time. Moving around a lot as a kid didn't help. Being a bit different at school didn't help either. I thought of myself as the ultimate wallflower, completely isolated etc.

When I came out at 26, I suddenly descovered a whole new world out there I never had before. I met my first bf, went to parties, got to know people from work.

Then came the break up, and I became a hermit for a loooong time. Until I met my current guy.

At my last job, I was popular... something of a strange thing for me. When I left last week, the office manager wrote: "you're bonkers but don't ever change". I think I've finally grown into the person I wanted to be. I just wish I was that person when I was 18.

 

I can definitely relate to that. It's the same with women. I used to go out of my way to show interest in someone. I'd message women on dating sites and try to get to know them with the hopes of finding a relationship and it never went anywhere. I always felt like I was the one who was looking for someone while they only talked to me to kill time online. Nowadays I feel completely discouraged to show interest in anyone first. I wouldn't say that's my reason for social withdrawal, more like I rarely get opportunities to meet people. I definitely don't want to do all the work anymore, I feel like if people want me around or are interested, they'll make a move.

 

I sometimes have... Not sure how to describe it... Not bad moods or depression as such... But yeah I sometimes have periods of a month or two where I don't answer emails or texts from my friends. Not that I have many close friends. But I'll kind of push em away and keep to myself for a while.