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Were it not for social pressure

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BiPenguin, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. BiPenguin

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    I have been thinking about what I would have done were it not for the pressure from society to be straight, what would I have done?

    This was a bit of a tough question as I had to question myself over the years and then it came easy. Were it not for the pressure to be straight, were it not for the fear of being bashed, I would have never made myself look for the attractive feature in women. I am attracted to women but not made myself look for it.

    I would have been comfortable with being seen with other men the way I wanted to be.

    Here is why it is important to win this fight. Nobody should have to live false lives to appears the few.
     
  2. Richie.

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    Our closets are built by many things, conforming to society is one I think for many. It is drilled into so many that you grow up marry someone of the opposite sex have kids etc etc, but that's not the truth, and is IMO such a terrible thing to put on a child who might question their orientation. I know I will never put such restrictions on my own children.
     
  3. GrumpyOldLady

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    I've wondered this myself. In my social class and in the place where I live, young children are being taught that alternatives to the usual gender and family roles are valid, that it's ok for girls to love girls and boys to love boys, it's OK for a boy to wear a dress to preschool, or for a girl to dress like a boy. I'm aware that this is not the case everywhere, but I am curious about how these kids will turn out ... will they be less quick to put a label on themselves? Will they feel freer to experiment, to love whomever they want to love, regardless of gender? Or will peer pressure ruin it eventually (I sure hope it doesn't...)?
     
  4. BiPenguin

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    It sure will be interesting to see the result. My children can identify/dress as the gender they feel is right but advised to dress as the gender the world views them as we have never lived where that would be tolerated but cause them to live a harsh life at school and out of school.
     
  5. Damien

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    Were it not for social pressure, my beautiful guy would right now have his arms around my neck as I attempt to type this, and would be teasingly trying to coax me back into bed. But alas, I have no guy, I started on this journey so late, and so it's all in my imagination. But yeah if it were not for this underlying expectation that I 'ought' to seek out a woman to be with, I think I would be with a guy, by now. I would not have waited this frigging long.
     
  6. SaleGayGuy

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    From my late teens (1978) to late 30s I was involved with a rock band and various theatre groups as the sound guy and also on stage as an actor in over 120 performances of one thing or another. I was constantly around, and friends with, gay musicians, actors, and the more flamboyant members of the viewing public, and yet I never had any inkling that I was gay which I now put down to internalised homophobia.

    I think had it been 100% acceptable and normal (not just tolerated) to be gay from the 1960s onwards then the concept of homophobia internalised or otherwise just would not have existed and I would very probably have realised I was gay back then. The reality, for me anyway, was my best friend with whom I had what today would be called a Bromance and was not out at the time, was beaten up by someone using an iron bar. My friend recovered but would not tell anyone exactly what happened but many suggested at the time he had been gay bashed. Incidents like this most likely re-enforced my internalised homophobia and blinded me from the truth.

    SGG
     
  7. TheStormInside

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    I'd likely have recognized and accepted my sexuality much younger. As I've been examining my life I've realized that as young as 15 or 16 I had moments of doubt and realization about my orientation that I shoved down immediately. I didn't fit the stereotypes of lesbianism or bisexuality so I couldn't be gay. Gay was also something you just really didn't want to be. I must have been misinterpreting my feelings, or going through a "phase." Those were the things I told myself. Without the social pressure there likely would have been more out women and I could have seen that not all lesbians are masculine like they were portrayed (if they were portrayed at all) in the 90s. Without the negative messages about gay people I wouldn't have been so scared to acknowledge those feelings, either.
     
  8. Freedomfighter9

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    I know, i dont see any hetersexual people waiting for permision to hold hands or give PDA's by anyone else before they live their lives. Sexual orientation seems to be the last thing for people to get use to.
    For example as a black woman i doubt anyone in the 21st century (i mean for the most parts in England) would dream of making me feel less then them coz of my skin, (well not that ive ever experienced anyway, and i was born here.)
    when i was married to my ex husband (who was white, middle class and older then me) i was ridiculously surprised to see the lack of stares and comments i was expecting.
    But again its the 21st Century so to most (the colour and age gap) was no big deal i guess.
    But wow now im out and not just in another mixed race relationship, but one with a woman (who 'is' around my age) the stares i get when i hold her hand (in the wrong part of town or postcode) wow you'd have thought i was walking around endorsing genocide or something:tantrum: i feel like sexualty will be the last to be fully accepted.
    As a whole were a progressive world, but it doesnt take much of the wrong thing taught to a group of ignorant people to produce more and more prejudices.

    As BiPenguin says we need to just go ahead and live for ourselves, i think even one second of living for someone else is or conforming to anything thats not you is a wasted moment in your life that your not gonna get back:eusa_naug
     
  9. Choirboy

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    I'd like to be able to say that societal pressure alone sent me into the closet, but for me at least, that would really be a bit of a cop-out. Society has certainly not been accepting of gays and I've felt some of that. But realistically, I was a sensitive, fearful kid without a lot of self-confidence, and I was desperate to be accepted and invisible. I was already younger than most of the kids in my class at school, and smarter. I was overweight and awkward and felt different and on the spot long before I started figuring out I was gay. I might have been more inclined to come out if society had been more accepting. But then again, I might well have still tried to blend in as opposed to being identified with any group that wasn't part of the unremarkable majority.

    People DO manage to buck society, even if it's unwelcoming and pressuring. Part of our journey is learning to be self-confident and self-aware enough that we can do it too.
     
  10. BiPenguin

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    That's me to a tee.

    There was one day in my life back in my first year of high school where I was going to just come out say it at home. I am the youngest of five boys, all through Catholic school education. What stopped me was that on this very day, I watching news coverage of a rally in Sydney regarding homosexuals. This was back in 1984. My eldest brother, ten years older than me at the age of 23 vented about how they should all be locked up and beaten. There was no way I was going to say anything after that.

    Two years later, I found myself violently punished for my homosexual activities where I was first raped then beaten up, told it was because I was a poof and something about Jesus being all so wonderful.

    There was no way I was going to just be myself after all that.

    ---------- Post added 31st Aug 2014 at 04:16 PM ----------

    What I did as a teen was very secretive. Getting caught with another fella didn't make to so secretive. All in all, looking back I can say that I had more male/male sex as a teen than I have had male/female since.

    Enjoy both really but as I reconnect with my 'self', I find myself being more responsive to male/male then male/female.
     
  11. mnguy

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    I agree the societal norms we grew up seeing around us made it hard for us to figure out and accept our GLBT status. Combine that with the horribly cruel treatment some experience and false information about what it means to be GLBT and it's no wonder it's so hard for some people to come out and why addictions, psychological problems and suicide hits the GLBT population hard. The people who verbally and physically abuse us are a product of the same society and the lies that permeate it, of course that's no excuse for their actions.

    If public schools would teach the basic facts about human sexuality and gender identity, I think that would go a long way to help us figure ourselves out sooner, dispel the lies about us and reduce the hatred for us. Our positive representation and visibility in popular media and the availability of information on the internet helps the younger generations which is something most of us didn't have when we were growing up. Marriage equality nationwide in the US will be a great thing for societal awareness and acceptance if/when that ever happens.
     
  12. bingostring

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    I knew I was gay when I was maybe 5 or 6. No doubts.
    But layers of 'societal pressure' plus some rather unpleasant events locked the closet door and threw the key away. Who knows where my life would be now had things been different back then.
     
  13. CoyoteCalling

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    I, too, think I would have figured myself out earlier (early teens instead of early 20's).

    I also wouldn't have hurt my first girlfriend so bad due to my secrecy with my family of origin. I don't think the relationship would have lasted in any case, but I will always regret what I put her through.