Greetings folks, Over time an obvious pattern has emerged in this Later-in-Life section about the regret of past relationships. However, I stumbled across this article which makes the point that no relationship is a waste of time. As I go through the dating scene, I find myself judging a potential partner on what I have learned in my marriage. I really am not trying to be difficult, I just know what I want, and what I don't want (Ever!). Being in a relationship that has ended has also taught me to grieve and to let go, a very important life skill. Yes, it may mean facing the awkward conversation to have with someone with whom it just isn't working (after due time spent learning about the other person); in the scheme of things, this is a very minor awkwardness compared to the real pain of a bad relationship. I think it's time we pat ourselves on the back and realize that for us, coming out meant growth, greater maturity and the desire to find real love. We took the steps we needed to take because our lives are still worth redeeming, and we have still so much to give!
I couldnt agree more :eusa_clap every relationship will teach you something about yourself and who and what you want in life. As you say once youve come out of a relationship you werent happy in, one things for certain you know next time round exactly what you dont want and exactly what you do. Ive always considered my life an Encylopedia......anything i want to do next in any aspect i look back on the last time i did it and see what hidden meaning i ultimately learned from it. Then and only then if i want to get the same out come i go there again, and if i dont then i turn the page and see what the next chapter can define for me
I totally agree. Past failed relationships prepare you for the good ones--as long as you're aware of what didn't work in the failed one! Moving on to a good relationship really does take a little critical thinking about the ones that didn't work. Sometimes it means looking for a different kind of person, but sometimes it also means looking at ourselves and our own expectations and saying, wait a minute....am I being realistic here? Am I demanding too much? Am I doing things that are keeping my relationships from working? We do need to be self-aware and willing to look at ourselves critically and avoid replaying history. I'm a quiet introverted type who married someone loud and outgoing to counteract my own awkward shyness, and it would have been a mess even if I had gone with a man at the start. Lesson learned, and it's now clear that someone closer to my own personality type is a much better match. We have to make sure that those failed relationships don't have some common thread running through them that needs to be addressed, or else it's Ground Hog Day and nothing will ever change. The good news is that change IS possible, and we don't need to regret our mistakes, as long as we learn from them.
good article Great Whale. i agree, while i spent 24 years with my ex i wouldn't trade it believe it or not. for one thing, i got my son and i wouldn't trade him for the world. and it's made me stronger and shown me i can survive more than i thought.
GW when you said "We took the steps we needed to take because our lives are still worth redeeming, and we have still so much to give!" it hit home with me. For me my main relationship issue is with myself. With the help of you and other great people on EC, I'm finally realizing that hey I'm not a bad guy after all and I do have a lot to give. If it's not too forward here's a hug and a friendly thank you hug. (*hug*)
