Ok so I'm separated with my husband and its been awful! He has been vile but now he's being nice. His girlfriend who he cheated on me with dumped him and he has been around a bit more. helping with the house etc. I'm being cautious but letting him into my life more so that we can get the house sorted to sell and see the children together. However I know when the letter from my solicitor lands on his door mat he will be vile again! He really does turn nasty when he wants to, not physically but emotionally. Last time he did it I really got so low it scared me. I've also let the other person back into my life that really hurt me. The friend I fell for but never told. She turned her back on me when it all went pear shaped with my husband. Now she's being caring and inviting me on days out. She has a girlfriend who she lives with now so I know there will never be anything between us. Both my husband and friend put me through so much hurt and I've let them both walk back into my life without so much as an I'm sorry. What am I doing? I'm suppose to be protecting myself, making sure I won't go back to feeling like I don't want to be here anymore. They both treated me like crap. I was loyal to my husband and never told my friend how I felt because I was married. My husband cheats on me and my friend turns her back on me. I must be mad!
I think it's just human nature. Doing what is familiar is always easiest. If possible, could you sign up for something to expand your horizons? Something at the local community centre or Continuing Ed? Cooking class, yoga, How to Survive Divorce, fencing? Something just for you that will add at least one new bright spot per week for you. Improve your mental wellbeing, meet new people, have something to look forward to. Let your friend take you out (does she know she abandoned you at your time of need?). Maybe try to work in some honest revelations into your conversations. Maybe things will improve. Maybe she knows someone nice for you to meet. As for your husband, I'm a terrible arguer and 9/10 times am completely non-responsive. Healthy, eh? But I've found that it completely takes the "fun" out of it for the other person and things end pretty quickly. Not a meek silence, just a dead stare. (I sound rather ghoulish, don't I?). Anyway, good luck and remember you're moving in the right direction.
I think you are right about what you know being comfortable. I am getting my life together again at the moment. I have found out we are in debt, unfortunately I trusted my husband with the finances and he didn't tell me we were getting more and more in debt. He has been relying on his shares to get us out of it. We are selling the house so hopefully I will come out with something to start again with and I'm sorting out a more stable work situation. I have had to give up my first choice of hobby which is horse riding. It really did help me mentally as there is so much to think about on a horse you don't have time to dwell. I had some good friends there too. I just can't justify it at the moment although my husband is still spending £40 a week on it for him which grates. The sooner we are separated the better. It's when I'm low I'm tempted to contact my friend and now she is talking to me again I feel comforted. However I fell for her and she has a lovely girlfriend so nothing can ever happen so why do I want to spend time with her. I miss her friendship we had such fun. So any time with her is better than no time. But how can it ever end well. With my husband I need to be careful because he can be very charming but if things don't go his way he will put me down in a flash. He did this a few weeks ago and I was on the edge again. I think I need to be stronger and keep away from them really but in a moment of weakness I let them in my life. I have to keep them out my heart.
Tell your friend to piss off she is clearly a bitch and you don't need her. Concentrate on getting the divorce sorted and getting the money you deserve. Once you have done this you can move into your own home with the boys and then you can concentrate on hobbies etc. but get yourself sorted with the divorce first then do everything else. xx
Aw to be tough Molly, I'm being careful but I couldn't say that to her. I know it's weak but it's not me. I will be careful not to get sucked in again though. My friend is not stable and can change her mood at anytime. Unfortunately it is me that seems to get hurt. I would like to know why she turned her back on me before though.!you are right though I need to get myself sorted and forget about her. I will try.
Yes. Do what's right for you. Re: hobby Could you offer to help out at the stables? Maybe assist with the kids' lessons? Exercising the horses? Or, I don't know. You'd at least be around the horses and benefit from their company. (I know nothing about horses. Are they even called stables?)
I do exactly the same thing. Perhaps like me you need to truly realise you deserve to be treated with respect. Its ok to be forgiving but its not ok for others to take advantage of your nature and walk on you. Tell yourself that frequently eventually it will become easy. ---------- Post added 9th Sep 2014 at 09:58 AM ---------- Ps im a horsey gal too. Its a difficult thing to give up. I too had horses but cant atm. Maybe see if you can go for a trail ride at the least, it will be money well spent. I totally understand missing that part of your life.
