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How do you know who or what...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Really, Sep 6, 2014.

  1. Really

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    you're attracted to? Physically, I mean. I've pretty much figured out it's women but having never "exercised" this part of my brain, I honestly don't know what I like. Added on to that, I'm not a visual person. I'm heavily auditory. e.g. I'll be talking to someone and suddenly realize I haven't looked them in the face for maybe the whole time. I'm happiest listening to others talk. I ask and answer questions no problem but I'm most interested in what you have to say, not what you look like.

    Here's another example. I listen to a podcast whose hostess sounds really nice, funny and clever, and I think I'd like to meet someone like her. But then I look her up on the internet to see what she looks like and there's nothing wrong with how she looks but now I find my little "fantasy" of her has been ruined a bit. I'm not even sure it would be different if she were drop dead gorgeous in any way.

    So, in the street where I'm trying to let my mind experience new sensations of what I might think of the women around me, almost nobody sets off any bells. Once in a while there's someone who seems rather interesting to look at but they're few and far between. I will say I do get the feeling that I'd like to touch more than look but don't worry, I can control myself.

    Not that I'm ready, but because of this, I don't think dating sites will ever work for me because I need to hear and see you at the same time not see you first. Ugh.

    So I guess I'm wondering, if you've just realized this or are questioning, how can you know what you like?
     
  2. Penpal

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    I'm like you I have to know people before I fall for them. I've never been one for just looks. I have only just let myself think about women as a possible partner. I have never had a girlfriend. Now I'm letting myself be attracted to women I think the same as you. Very few turn my head although when I get to know people I find I am attracted to one or two. The problem is they are either straight or attached.
    There is one woman I was immediately attracted to but I didn't think anything of it until I got to know her. It turned out she was bi like me and I fell for her big time. Not to be though as she met someone else. I'm in the middle of a divorce so I'm not looking for anyone now but I do question how I will meet someone. I have been hurt so trust will be a big issue for me.
    Very complicated not being straight! X
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    I'm a lesbian personally, and I don't find women to be physically attractive as odd as it is. At least not in a stand-alone basis. Whenever I get attached to them, like their belief system and such, I find them physically attractive. With strangers It's like 'meh, I don't even notice'. I think what you're describing is normal.
     
  4. FindingLouie

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    I'm not an extremely visual person either although I appreciate beauty. I notice women all over the place. I look at them always. However, physical attraction? That takes much more than just looks...it's smell, connection, confidence, ease, conversation, humor, gestures, intelligence, how they walk and talk...physical movement and girth...I'm pretty sure even straight people are like this. Right?

    I can see a beautiful women and not have any physical attraction...chemistry? Who knows where it comes from...it's a marvelous thing though.

    Don't worry too much about it. Let yourself just be. Be real. Be authentic. Attractions will happen.
     
  5. LittleLionGirl

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    I think your reaction to the podcast host is a clear indication that you need to engage all your senses when interacting and forming attractions. I agree with FindingLouie,
    it's an entire package that manifests attraction.

    Although I do have to admit, a woman with a certain look can definitely inspire me to delve deeper. ;D