My husband goes from supportive to complete denial to begging for one last time and now some out of the ordinary sexual requests i dont know how to handle this. I know he wont tell his counsellor i will tell mine but atm two days to go seems like ages. I cant do these things for him tho my guilt makes me want to do anything to make up for hurting him but i think this will just add to it. Im a little freaked out.
Coercing you for sex is not being respectful, especially if you've told him you're not interested in that. I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about consent and how to treat someone when they say "no." Maybe you should call your counseler and ask them if they have any advice.
You are in a really painful situation. Stay strong and truthful. I understand the guilt and pain and sorrow of the loss but if you can see past that to what is really important which is your ultimate happiness and his. Right now it's just a huge aching time of pain. It will get better if you forge ahead. Don't go backwards. Keep moving. Try to sit with him and work through it and be honest with him. I know it's hard. When you can't take it go for walks and get out. If your situation is not safe, leave. Also remember that a woman doesn't owe a man or anyone else a piece of her. That is yours to give freely not by coercion of any kind. I'm so sorry. I was there. It's SO much better for me now. You can make it. And my H is coming through this as well. It will be okay.
Thanks heaps. He still wants all this knowing i dont but at same time doesnt and is calling himself a rapist. Its really messing with my mind.
Hi, it sounds like he is having a hard time finding acceptance. Whenever me and my wife are about to split up, we really connect, and i get really strong urges to have sex with her, even though im the gay in the relationship!. Perhaps its similar with him, he knows you dont want it, but the thought oy splitting uo and everything triggers him to overcome the truth and to attempt sex, hoping that you feel the same i guess.. I can not even try to imagine what ut would be like to be in the situation reversed, and you have my sympathy. If you cant fukfill any of his sexual needs, then your relationship is on rocky ground for sure? anyhow, i know nothing of you or your situation and ought not reply, but then thought it may help. All the very best to you both, if he is feeling that relationship over and he will be alone, perhaps reassure him that he is a fit attractive man, and if you aren't a lesbian you would dearly gladly have sex and that there are many other ladies out there that would too? ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2014 at 11:19 AM ---------- But im not in a really happy place either and so my post will be coulered by my situation, ignore ifnyounthinknit was foolist or what have you. Were trying to stay together even though we cant please or satisfy each other. Its hard, thank goodness for hands eh? ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2014 at 11:19 AM ---------- But im not in a really happy place either and so my post will be coulered by my situation, ignore ifnyounthinknit was foolist or what have you. Were trying to stay together even though we cant please or satisfy each other. Its hard, thank goodness for hands eh?
Thank you it does help. What you are saying about breaking up bringing up desires and emotions is right. And i have tried to reassure him but undortunately he has very little esteem as it is. All of these factors havr made it all the harder for me to tell him theres no hope. He is going back to my brothers. I think its the best solution atm
Thanks for your input louise it made think a lot. Hes being coercing me into things for a long time. Something to discuss w psych tomoro
A Clear separation with boundaries for a period of time saved my friendship with my ex .... It was rough for a little but but much needed... What you're dealing with is not just about being gay ... After co-habitating and/or co-parenting with someone for a lengthy period of time well you grow accustommed to it ... Change is scary and confusing and that's why a lot of people straight , gay or whatever , ignore and do not face the truths and get comfortable in a settled arrangement . So you both are not just dealing with and facing the fact that you are gay but also a whole separate issue that this a dismantling of some sort . A 'separation' regardless of 'why'. It's a lot to manage in itself nevermind the 'coming out ' part. My husband knew I was gay or was very aware that I struggled with my sexuality from day one, so that came as no surprise to him ... I mean we had not been at all intimate in over 9 or 10 years and even then, it a rare chore that I fulfilled out of guilt or not knowing how else to reassure him that I actually did care about him ....more like family/best friend though. Anyhow what I'm saying is he already was pretty clear on the fact that I had no desire for him in that way and was very clear I was only going to be intimate with women but we still had issues he had stuff come up that I didn't see coming even though his intention was to be supportive it was clear we needed to create boundaries and clear separation to redefine out connection. I knew it could go either way I could have lost him like I did others in this transition or when things settled and were less confusing the true unconditional friendship we had would prevail. Luckily it was the latter. My therapist reminded me often that it wasn't just about my 'coming out' but I also was dealing with a 'separation' a 'loss' ....he and I were both Mourning an old life. Turns out this new life is best for all of us. It's hard to see that in the midst of the dismantling .
Hi thanks for sharing your experience it really helps. We have decided to just as your suggesting and hopefully we can still be friends. I have told him that its a grieving process and im very aware of his feelings of loss. Now i just have to allow me mine as well. Thanks again
