Hi all, For those of you who have been married for some time (let's say 20+ years) and have grown up kids… can you tell me what it's like to lose what I think are the great family times we have together in our house. Our kids, along with their current partners and us (my wife and me) do a lot together… we go to movies together, travel together at Christmas and other times for vacations, go out dancing together, go hiking together etc…. every time I'm doing that lately I cry quietly inside that this will no longer happen once I come out. What's that been like for those of you in similar situations? How do you get through it? My therapist says I will still do these things as I value them but it will be 'me' with the kids and not 'my wife and me'… Thoughts?? how have you rebuilt something of this?
Your therapist is absolutely correct, not only that, you get to do what you think is best without ever being "overruled" by the ex...(bonus!). It is important to make the plans that take the time to think through the logistics, but once this is done, you are in charge!
Ugh! What you are talking about has been a brutal part of the process for me. It has made me curl up in the fetal position many times and just lay there and hope relief will come. And it does. And it gets better. But the truth is that it isn't ever the same and that's something that has to be mourned and grieved. I want to make it better for you. I want to make it better for myself. There isn't anything to be done but continue to tell the truth and move forward because in the end that's all any of us will ever have. Truth. Here's the positive I've experienced so far. It's getting easier to start to make new memories with the kids alone. And sometimes me and my ex still do things together. And that's different now too. And I'm sorrowful for the loss of the old and comfortable. But looking forward to the future and what honest and truthful looks like. And what that will mean for family and kids. Getting through it? One day at a time. Once holiday at a time. One birthday and memory at a time. Lots of compassion and kindness for self and all of those involved. Allowing tears and sadness. Not trying to make anything better. Just moving forward together in hope and gratitude that we are still in each other's lives.
