Know who I am now

Do you have any kids?

 

That is a huge realization. I hope it brings you peace inside.
Telling your wife will be loaded emotionally and physically for you both, and the moment you tell her, it sets things in motion immediately. You may want to prepare yourself for the many ways she can respond, and ask yourself if you are ready. Will you be able to respond with love and understanding as she deals with her feelings, which will be intense.
I wish you well.

 

Not having kids makes it infinitely simpler, if not easier, to tell her. The "how" is simple enough as well, if you don't mess about with a long preamble.

Tell her as soon as possible when you start this difficult conversation. Do you think she suspects something?

 

if you were in her position wouldn't you want to know the truth? im a rip the band aid off quick kind of guy but that's just me

 

I think just sit her down and just tell her, it is going to be hard no matter how long you wait to tell her, I think really think about what you wanna say to her, now you wanna say it and just be prepared for whatever her reaction might be. You think she suspects, it could be a relief to her to finally know for sure, but it still is not going to make it hurt any less for both of you. As others have mentioned, she is most likely going to ask you a lot of questions and if I was her, the main one in my head would be where do we go from here. I think as husband and wife, there is going to be a lot of support needed on both sides and I think you need to be as respectful as you can of her feelings as well. I wish you the best of luck and hope it all goes okay for you when you do tell her.

 

It's better than the 20 years it took me! Besides, without kids, a divorce is really a painful breakup with paperwork...

 

You sound to me like a sensitive soul and I can understand feeling bad about that. You might have been in denial, or just not realized it till now. I myself didn't realize I was bisexual till I found myself falling for a woman, it took me two years to really be happy and comfortable with finally saying it and accepting it, so please don't feel bad about how long it has taken you, you just need to concentrate on the now and the future, not what could have been or should have happened earlier. Like I said, think it through what you wanna say, practice it in your head for a while, maybe practice in front of a mirror saying it out loud, see how it feels on your lips as your saying it, but for the most part, just remain sensitive to what your wife will be going through as well with your own feelings.

 

One bit of advice...

If three years is difficult imagine 5, 10, 15, 20....

Exponentially more difficult.

 

Cause you thought it would make you both happy?

Better now than later. I've been married for 10, and realized that I hadn't quite finished answering some questions about myself. She and I talked about it. It's been painful, but our lives make more sense. She's still my bestie, and I'm very thankful for that.

We didn't waste that time, we cared about each other quite a lot, even though that's not going to mean our relationship continues in the same way.

Better to do it now before this makes you both miserable with each other.