So my wife went on a vacation with just her friend(that she went and didn't ask the kids or me is another story). The point is is that she has been gone since Sunday and it has been really pleasant at home. The kids and I got along great not even 1 argument, they weren't even crabby in the morning before school. There was no tension at all, even the dogs were behaved. It was quite nice and peacefull. Well she comes home tonight so I am sure the tension will back.
I often find that to be the case as well. It seems that when my wife is away at work, or when it's just me and the kids we get along so well and the minute she walks back in the door all hell breaks loose and there's yelling and shouting within minutes. I often find myself enjoying that time so much more and unfortunately having thoughts that I wish it was like this all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and she has been such an amazing person since I came out almost a year ago, but there are times when things just seem more fluid and effortless when she's not around. Sometimes that makes me feel a little guilty, then other times I just enjoy the peace.
I know this feeling very well. It's the little stressors that kill us, or often make us physically ill. I had a case of hand psoriasis that persisted throughout the last 5 years of our marriage, I can attest that it actually almost disappeared within the first 2 months of living on my own. What you are feeling is the anticipation of trouble (a kind of priming of the stress hormone pump), which often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you can decide to take a different tack when she comes home; try the techniques I suggested in my thread from today on communication. You may actually surprise her with something different, because, as sure as the sun rises, she is feeling exactly what you are feeling now, only dreading the return home...you may want to try discussing why she left without informing you or the kids, but this time using clean communication.
my wife and i split in june of last year, and by july my son said, " it's not that i don't miss mom but things are so much more relaxed here now." and even now over a year later when he goes to visit her, the house is full of tension and he can't wait to come home and relax.
