Havent posted for a while but been readng others' posts. Quick recap - came out to wife a few years ago and met a guy in the meantime. Still living with family. Relationship with wife has reached a point where I am going to move out without, I think, causing massive trauma to her and the children (who are young adults) and on fairly reasonable terms. The thing of it is that the guy I have fallen for (who lives with his gay partner) has started to go quiet on me. He doesnt text me much. I am always the one that asks to meet up. He seems to have got cold feet at the very time when I am ready, willing and able to live with him. Dont really understand what is going on with him. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but his behaviour suggests he isnt going to do it and will stay where he is because its the easier option. Maybe the moment has passed - maybe we have gone too long without anything decisive happening and our relationship has run out of steam.
Hello, sorry but if he is living with his partner then maybe he is never going to leave as he already has a relationship. Its not nice but it sounds like he is stringing you along. How long have you been with this guy? if he has gone quiet on you it doesn't sound like he is the right person for you to be with. was this a proper relationship or just someone you liked and hoped would develop into something? Hope things get sorted out with this guy. Molly x
I agree with Molly, he doesn't sound like a keeper to me. If you are ready to leave your old life then do it for you not for him. I really hope he will come through for you but you need to look after yourself. Good luck with whatever you choose.
ukguy, I am in a simaliar situation with my wife and kids . I have meet a man and he rocks my world I would do anything to be with him !! We are not to the living together stage yet but I feel your pain . I hope it all works out for you .
Sorry for the hurt and pain. He sounds like he is gonna stay where he is or just keep stringing u along. Sorry u have to be alone during this time but i do hope u find someone better for u that will be the one
My guy dumped me two weeks after I came out. Luckily, I came out for myself, not for him, so even if it was very difficult for a time, I survived and am still very happy I came out. Joe Kort has an interesting perspective on this phenomenon in his chapter on married men.
Hi UKGuy To pick up on Weston’s point, I seem to recall that Dr Joe Kort mentions this in his book “10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love” available on Amazon Kindle or in paperback from £6. He talks about some gay men who are attracted to married (to a woman) gay men specifically because they are unavailable and therefore low risk. But the moment the married guy looks like he will leave his wife his gay lover will lose interest. The book covers many other aspects of gay relationships and explores the psyche of gay men but does have several chapters at the end of the book devoted to gay men previously in straight marriages. SGG
ukguy is is very good to hear from you!! I think SGG may have a point and if correct, you deserve better my friend. Hugs!
Thanks all for your posts. Just seen this guy - it was nice but I still have the feeling that he is losing interest. Ironic because I have felt like the one stringing him along - still with my wife and living at home and unable to break away. But I am really puzzled by him and unsure about him now - and told him so tonight - but he didnt really give me a response. He deflected what I said. Not sure where this leaves me because I was hoping to move out and then, shortly after, live with him. He still lives with his partner but they dont sleep together but I get the feeling that his partner will have him back. I am in unchartered waters for me....
Hi ukguy, The wisest thing you can do right now is step back from making any plans, except moving out, and seeing what it's like to be on your own. It is an alluring situation: to be able to move out of one relationship directly into another, but I guarantee that if this is as "iffy" as you describe, it will be the proverbial "out from the frying pan and into to the fire". Although perhaps scary, contemplating a life on your own gives you options, including independence and the time you need to make the right choices. It gives you breathing room to also discover who you are and what you will or will not accept. Being on your own puts you in a position of strength.
NEVER date someone who would cheat on their partner to be with you. I dont care how perfect someone seems, if they flirt with me while they have a bf i would never ever ever date them.you can never trust him
