I just finished reading this fantastic book, for the second time in less than a week! the last of the good girls - A Memoir by Mary Ann Woodruff - I'd highly recommend it for women (or anyone, really) coming out of straight marriages, or even just "coming out" later in life. It was amazing to me to read her memoir, when throughout I just kept thinking that it could be my own. She writes and explains so well everything I've had running through my own head while coming out to myself so late in life. Every time I've asked myself (or been asked by someone else) how I could have not known earlier, how I could have stayed blind for so long. It's seemed impossible to understand and harder yet to explain and even though I've come to grips with the fact that I'm gay, I've continued beating myself up over my self-ignorance. Reading her book has largely cured me of that. It has also helped me understand some issues I'll have to work through before I can truly have a healthy, committed relationship with a woman. A soul-mate, which is what I desire more than anything. But I already feel like having identified those issues I'm a step closer to getting past them and already more open to the true possibility. She wrote that when she stilled her mind and listened for the voice of God, "that voice released me to be myself, unique and beloved in the same way each of God's creatures is." I realized that I don't need to wait to hear the voice of God, or truly for anyone's permission. I just need to do this kindness for myself. Release me to be myself, unique and beloved, simply as I truly am. Isn't that just what we all need to do? What an amazing relief! You should try it!
Sounds like a good read that I think a lot of us could benefit from. We do need to feel free to be ourselves, to pursue ourselves and our partners with abandon, respect and safety. That's liberation.
I will have to get that book a.s.a.p. I am at the beginning of my journey and am so thankful to read about others that have been there. thank you
Sounds like a great book! I too have been bullying myself about not realizing sooner, especially with the memories flooding in now that I'm no longer in denial. But really, life's too short... and as I'm trying to build up my self-esteem, self-bullying needs to go Am also learning more and more that we don't need anyone's permission to be ourselves, but that we have a right to be so. It does feel very liberating!
I read it last night. I loved it but I wish she had gone more into what she did in therapy to help herself accept who she was becoming. That could have added an extra dimension to the story that offered insight to others. Good to see a happy love story at the end of it all.
How hard it is... to step out of our own way. We all are our own worst enemies when it really comes down to it. Perhaps with good reason, but still, we are the only ones who truly limit ourselves - even if we do it for the acceptance, or out of respect, or fear of others. In the end, we are the ones in control. Some people never suffer inhibitions, others drown in them. But all it takes is a wake up call. The thing that makes us open our eyes and discover that we, too, deserve the life we want. It's not just set aside for other people. It's ours for the taking, if we'll only allow ourselves. Even after that initial call, it takes quite a while to absorb, but eventually you can live that belief without having to constantly remind yourself. I think I'm coming to that place now. And let me tell you, it feels really, REALLY good! ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2014 at 10:33 PM ---------- Hi OOC (is that for 'out of character'?) I'm glad you loved it. At times I too felt like I would have liked her to have gone deeper, but in the end, I felt like it was all about that month she spent sequestered, alone with her head and her God, and can't quite imagine anything more personal. Would she want to share that? Would you? And then, that thought - of how entirely personal it was for her - made me realize that my journey is my own. What she did or didn't do with her therapist is entirely irrelevant to me. My current issues are my own and very different from hers, though our roots may stem from the same places. Though our stories are similar, we've traveled different paths, had different influences and responded in different ways. If she'd gotten more specific, I may have negated her journey as not relevant to mine. Instead, she opened doorways that encouraged me to delve deeper - and somehow look upon my life, my personality and my habits in a more objective way - without all my personal hangups. While reading this book, some of my blockers became immediately visible to me and with that visibility came the ability to see how they can be dismantled. My journey is my own, but she's illuminated the path for me. I hope, perhaps, you can find the light that shines for you as well!
I hadn't thought about it like that, but you make a very valid point. I think for me, if I was going to write a book about it, I would want to be as honest and open as possible about the whole process, so that others could see that the thoughts and processes they were dealing with were not unusual and the way that I reached my own acceptance was real and a vital part of the story. However, I am not she, and the book does not lose out for the lack of this information - it stands out as a beautifully written coming out in later life narrative, it would just, for me, have added an extra dimension of understanding of how she got to where she did. (And you were nearly right, it's Out Of Control, because this is now something way beyond anything I can control. )
Hope you like it! Can't really say it's a magic elixir, but it definitely got me to stop with the self-flagellation over a past I can no longer control. Not to mention making my long-held ignorance seem completely logical. The whole 'subconscious homophobia' never really rang true for my own case - knowing myself as I do, I just couldn't buy it. But in understanding her perspective on her own life, I found an understanding of my own and I could finally put the wonder to rest.
