Personality changes after coming out?

I've been a pretty anxious person for quite some time. I'm actually not sure if I'm exactly introverted, or if it's just anxiety about sexuality and other things. I have had times when I pushed through these things and was fairly outgoing and popular even in my social circle. I was president of a club with over 80 active members in college, for instance, although I got wracked with anxiety right at the end of that and I really started retreating again there. I do recall being worried for so long about "being found out" and some of that did have to do with sexuality that I was clamping down on.

For me it's been a process of lowering anxiety overall, which has let me deal with things I've been covering up, which has lead to further lowering of anxiety. So, I'd say it's left me more "chilled out" overall. The days when I've been most accepting of everything are also the days when I've felt the best and calmest. I've been so much more mentally clear and able to deal with life, and I feel like I'm doing better at work and other aspects of life.

Don't know if those are personality changes, exactly, but I see and react to the world differently. More positively. Less uptight.

 

I haven't come out as yet and only recently realized that I am not straight. I am still trying to make sense of everything but I must say that since I had my light bulb moment I have experienced certain big changes within myself. I think I finally acknowledged that for some reason I have always placed men on a pedal stool-desperately trying to be as good as a man. I am not sure why I have done this all my life-media, family etc. but positioning men in this way has resulted in me often devaluing myself and idealizing the men in my life. When I realized that I was actually gay it was like a switch flipped and I could see things for what they were. I am starting to accept myself as a whole person and conversely, I am also beginning to see men in a more realistic way. Throughout my life I believed that my need to be 'good enough' in the eyes of a man was the same as sexual and emotional attraction. It was only when I fell for a woman and could compare the two experiences, did I see that this was definitely not the case and suddenly a lot of things made sense! This change is really helping me boost my self esteem levels and own my less feminine traits if that makes sense? I do feel more confident in myself and more determined to be genuinely me even when I find it difficult. I am not sure how my perception of men and my sexuality are intertwined and if anyone has ideas please share, but I feel much more in touch with who I really am as a person!

 

After I came out, I felt way more confident because I was not hiding who I was anymore. This helped me be more outgoing, because before I usually hid in corners in social situations.

 

I was told that I was more outgoing and I did end up with more friends.

 

Overall my biggest personality change has been that I am "happy"... not giddy but settled, peaceful that finally I am being me. Of course at the same time there are feelings of utter despair and anxiety... go figure.

 

I would be curious to know how many of us underwent a personality change when we voluntarily entered into the closet.

Many of us reported being freer and more open before taking that step into that lonely and dark place. That does indeed change one's personality, and not for the better, generally.

The best I can say is that coming out of the closet means, first and foremost, reclaiming our selves and becoming who we are. Overall it may appear to others to be a personality change, especially for those of us who took up a long-term lease in the closet, but I would venture that it is closer to the truth that we are finally free to be ourselves, which may be shocking to those who knew us when we were "undercover".

 

Interesting. But what about those of us who didn't know we were in a closet? I literally didn't know any difference until one day it actually occured to me. I never even thought I might be asexual because those types of thoughts never even occured to me and I didn't feel that way. More unsexual. Just not doing it rather than not wanting it.

Since realizing, even just questioning, I've felt quite a positive boost in my whole outlook on life. Like the solution to a puzzle has started to reveal itself to me. A puzzle I didn't even know was there to be solved.

I'm still anxious about the realities of actually being gay but I'm totally prepared to go slow. And as I am unemcumbered by a relationship or children or religious restraints, I suspect this makes it easier for me than for some but I still have personal limitations to overcome. But I'm actually looking forward to it.