I'm a woman in my thirties, married (since early twenties), with small kids. My relationship with my husband is good, but sex has always been an issue. I don't like having sex with him, sometimes I get angry when having sex because I dislike it so much. But I try to be intimate to save the relationship. I have never had a crush on women before, have never thought about women. Until meeting a beautiful girl two years ago. I knew she was a lesbian, but only considered her as a friend in the beginning. Soon I started to get confusing feelings for her, wanted to be with her all the time. I fell in love with her. I tried to repress my feelings, but eventually I couldn't hide them anymore. I told her, we kissed, it felt amazing... My feelings are growing stronger. I've told my husband that I have feelings for women, but he thinks I'm just confused. I have to mention that I was sexually abused as a child, and I have always thought that that's the reason I dislike sex. Thats what my husband thinks too. I'm so confused!! Will I ever get turned on by my husband (that's been a problem since day one..) , or am I really a lesbian??
First if you dislike sex with him or maybe men in general because of past sexual abuse you might want to seek professional Therapy in order to possibly save the marriage. After that if you feel you are still gay then embrace being gay and enjoy your life.
Hmm, it sounds like the reason you feel confused is because you're being told you're confused. You have feelings for this lady that you don't have for your husband. It's as simple as that, really.
Sounds to me like you already know the answer to that. You fell in love with a woman and the kiss was amazing. You don't have that with your husband. You may be Bi, or a lesbian. What matters is who you are happy with. Who makes you happy? Who do you want to spend time with? It's very confusing I know. I fell in love with a woman, I wasn't brave enough to tell her and lost her to another woman and she turned her back on me. I spent months grieving for her. She is now back in my life still as a friend but I know if she wanted more I would be with her. I think I'm bi but the feelings I have for her are so strong.
Here's the EC primer thread for married women with crushes. It's getting quite long now but it might illuminate things for you. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/143948-has-never-happened-before.html
