Would like a girlfriend

This is why I decided to get the heck out of that closet as fast as possible.

Figure the more people I'm letting know, the more likely I can find me some fellas. Still getting completely comfortable tho.

 

Well, not quite yet.

But I've only been out to myself since April, out to my wife since May and then moved out since August.

I'm trying to get comfortable saying that to more people though. I really do figure that the more people I tell, the more people who I have good, honest interactions with, the more likely I can find me a nice guy even if it's not directly at that time.

 

There's always online dating. But apart from that CF has a point. Until you come out, it's hard to be out & about.

It still blows my mind every time I tell a straight woman that I'm now dating women and they tell me they think they might be gay too. Or would be interested in experimenting with me! It happened to me again yesterday at work. (She'll be borrowing my book, last of the good girls on Monday.)

So all those women you think are straight, may be thinking the same thing about you. You'll never know until you come out.

 

It's not easy, but it can happen. I met my ex-girlfriend while in the closet (actually, I still am.) We were talking and she said she was a lesban, but "don't worry I wont hit on you"... trying to make me comfortable because she thought I was straight. So I told her it was OK if she did (hit on me) and we dated for a year and a half.

 

I just figure who exactly do I need to hide it from anyway?

The person I was really hiding from is myself, anyway.

 

You don't sound pathetic at all xx

 

No one will reject you Mel, it's scary coming out. I strongly suggest you get in touch with healthy gay life and get yourself some acceptance councilling. You haven't had good responses from 2 people same as me, I'm out and everyone has accepted me, nothing changes. Just the burden of holding onto the homophobia you've had instilled in you. You're beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with you, your fabulous!

Go be gay/bi and forget the people who don't accept you for you. Because you deserve to be happy, as much as everyone else.

You need to get out there ..

Also whilst you hide who you are, the people who matter will never see the real you.

Be brave

Love ya x

 

Hey Penpal...kind of know how you feel...when I finally admitted to myself I was gay...I felt like a teenager again and was desperate for a girlfriend. I was totally in the closet then...and now...I'm 3/4's out but still firmly closeted to some.

I've had a couple of relationships...both have been started online...I'm shy so find this easier for me...plus I don't know any lesbians in my day to day life and my gaydar is non-existent!

Whether you take the decision to come out of the closet or not...only you can decide, has to be right for you...good luck what ever you decide and hope you meet someone

 

Penpal I don't think the problem is meeting someone while in the closet, It's more that the closet Is a nasty place to take someone for a first date! you know I am very much In love with my girl but It's all so untidy like this, out to some but not others, worrying those who know will talk to those who don't, it's crazy. I know it's not easy to finish the job of coming out but I do hope we both find the courage because we deserve some happiness.

 

You might have a look at this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/146045-flirting.html#6
and this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/149549-please-share-your-experience-internet-dating.html#18

 

Hey! Good on you for joining the walking group! That's something, you know.
As for "being seen" with them - they're not wearing t-shirts advertising they're gay, are they? If anyone sees you out with them and for some strange reason knows they're gay, you could just say you were looking for a walking group and came across this one. You checked it out and liked their schedule. I don't think there needs to be anything nefarious about it.

 

Finding someone takes times, patience is necessary but I honestly believe there is someone for everyone. You just gotta hope for the best as I'm doing now. It doesn't completely suck because I'm using this time to work on myself first.

 

Bane is right...it takes time for anyone to find someone who we have things in common with. In the meantime, you have this chance to work on you, and things that you want to accomplish for your life. The thing to remember is that no matter who you come across in life, and no matter what their opinion...THEY CAN'T LIVE YOUR LIFE..so don't let them dictate what happens in it! Your happiness is important. I'll keep good thoughts for you in your new life's journey.

 

I'm going with Bane & Darkest Dream on this one. Having been there myself, I don't feel out of line advising you to get your house in order first, before you invite anyone into it.

I know your excitement and inherent anxiousness to just GET ON WITH IT, especially considering how long we've all put it off. BUT. (yes, it's the dreaded BIG BUT) You're not ready. You're not out, you're not at peace with yourself, you're not settled with what you're leaving. How can you possibly be ready to present your confident self to others? Nothing good, whole or happy is likely to come from it.

This is a new journey, fraught with enough unknowns and insecurities, do you really want to carry all your current baggage along with you? I started down that road and pretty promptly realized that I needed to withdraw until I got my head and heart in the right place. And I've got to tell you, now that everything is - more or less - where it belongs, it's a whole new WONDERFUL experience.

I took a six month to get my life in order. And after 47 years, it hardly registered on the radar. Now I can meet a woman and not be that mess on the other side of the table. I can, without fear of the wrong person spying my interaction, comfortably invite her into my life. I don't have to drag her into the closet with me, but can happily meet her OUT! And let me tell you, I'm doing it. And it's GREAT!

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2014 at 09:27 PM ----------

Hey Really - maybe the lesbians in BC are more subdued, but where I live, they're proud and LOUD! I go to meet ups and the loudest in the groups inevitably end up pronouncing our sexual preferences to all and sundry. If Penpal, or anyone else for that matter, is not prepared to deal with the repercussions, I would strongly dissuade them from putting themselves in those situations. All it takes is one wrong witness to bring down a house of cards and if the risk is too great, it's just not worth it to leap prematurely. (IMHO)

 

Ha! I've actually got no idea what they're like here as a group. I just thought in a group setting where there is an intended goal/purpose, that would be the focus. But what do I know? Of course, if there's any discomfort, by all means be circumspect. I don't advise doing anything anyone is not ready for.

Everyone keeps advising looking into meetups and whatnot as a more relaxed/less intimidating alternative to dating sites for meeting people but I guess you have to be quite a bit closer to being totally out than I thought, I guess. Kind of makes it hard if you just want to be around other LGBT people without that being the focus. I guess wherever you go, you need to be prepared to have people think you're totally out, no?

Urgh.