guy on guy flirting?

Hi,

Thank god i am not alone!!!

Was with partner from age 13-29 and never learned dating, period.

Then i was tied up in hetero marriage...

Same skill level as you.

Tom

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2014 at 04:18 PM ----------

Hi,

I am actually trying to get a gay, male tgerapist to discuss this. Sounds crazy but so isn't learnung to date later in life.


Tom

 

My experience: Guys are way simpler than girls, and what used to be awkward/weird with women is suddenly fun/easy now that you have that mysterious spark driving you on. Now it makes sense what all the guys in HS were talking about.

Seriously, just talk, be yourself, give it a whirl. You'll learn something in the process.

 

I agree, guys are much simpler than girls. Location is a factor. Conversation at a gay bar is almost flirting by definition. But if all you want is to hook up its easier to do that online. If you want to meet someone for more serious interactions, join a cause like Equality, HRC, MCC, or for mixing more with that other orientation, PFLAGS, ACLU are good, there are also many good churches that support gays, Church of Christ and Unitarians have been supportive of gays the longest (I think).

 

Contrary to the two previous posters, I find it more difficult to flirt with guys than with girls. With girls, you just compliment something about them, make them laugh, smile, show interest in what they are saying, etc. I imagine it's the same for guys, but I get super nervous when I interact with a guy I'm interested in, so it's hard for me to do the same things.

 

Hi,

When i see a stunning guy...

Tingue tied, where to look so not staring...

 

I have to agree I get all red in the face tounge tied and forget how to talk !!

 

Funny...

Two stunning guys where i work. Two very different body and personality types buy mreaction us same to both.

 

Practice. Not worrying so much about it/Knowing that it will likely not matter that much if the other person likes you. Knowing that they're just as likely to be having the same fears/thoughts etc that you are. Feeling ok about failing.

 

I think it really comes down to knowing what it is you bring to the table, what you have to offer. I think that confidence comes with having a wide range of social experiences, not just dating/sexual experiences but friend experiences too. I think it also comes with extending yourself the same charity that you do others. My guess is you have plenty of friends with flaws, some serious some minor--I know I do--and you probably overlook those flaws, you may even eventually find them endearing. And yet, my guess is that you are not generally able to extend the same courtesy to yourself. Be open, be generous, be kind--and then acknowledge that you are all those things and that you coming into someone's life is a good thing for them--why wouldn't they want to talk to you?

 

Hi,

I simply suspect I am responding on a sexual level that is inappropriate to how well I know them. Hence the internal conflict.

I imagine in the hetero world where +90% are also hetero it is easier to get past. You can chat up the person with a bit of confidence they are also hetero.

I have no issue approaching a stunning woman. But a stunning guy and gaydar is scanning intensely, looking for wedding ring, etc.

Both of the stunning guys in my workplace are hetero, or at least have girlfriend/wife. I find once I am confident of their sexuality the tongue issue fades.

If stunning and gay great, first hurdle crossed. Sadly, +90% are hetero.

"Stunning" is personal and primal in my opinion and fades as you learn more and get past the visual.

Tom

 

I've found this to be true in my experience, too. It probably helps that I've had way more interaction with guys, whether as friends or family members living under the same roof. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if a few of my early male friendships were actually sprinkled with a bit of infatuation, before fizzling out.

Gay communities tend to be smaller, but the cool thing is that everyone seems to know someone else. It's like a whole new world is opened up, and suddenly you know all these activists, organizers, events, etc.

They're probably used to these types of reactions, so why not try something totally unexpected? If they're someone who seems like they'd get a lot of compliments on their physical features, why not switch the conversation over to something less tangible?

Remember, it's not their body that's going to stay the same!

 

I echo a lot of what you guys have said. I've not dated in over 38 years and get confused easily. For instance there's a gay guy you like but it's like he won't give you the time of day... only to find out later he really likes you... he just didn't want to be obvious or something. Guys explain that one to me.

 

Hi,

My guess is there are a lot of trust issues in gay community. My generation they are well earned. My wild ass guess anyway.

Oppression leads to trust issues. Ask any abused pet.

Tom

 

There's no explanation except that he's going through some of the same things in his head that we all are.

Sometimes you gotta take a risk.

 

I have a simple rule, be myself. Being CJ for table in my own skin causes others to be CJ for table around me. If there is chemistry, the flirting moves to deeper discussions. If not, that's fine and it's ok to move on and try again.