Why does this happen ?

Fear and isolation.

The world has changed a lot in 20 years. Don't think you will see many of today's 13 year olds doing that.

 

We do what we believe society expects us to do.

 

Fear and isolation cover it pretty well for me. Even when I was in places like where that would have been much less of an issue, I'd still spent enough time afraid and isolated that I didn't let it out then. By the time I'd met my wife I was super isolated but didn't even know why anymore, but I know that unanswered questions about my sexuality were part of how I got there.

Yeah, if I'd been I afraid enough to ask those questions as they came up, I doubt that I would have gone down this route.

 

I went through the same thing. Family pressure, society, and wanting to please people. Not a good combo.

 

I'm Bi and can honestly say I was in love with my husband. I was confused before meeting him though. When I met him it all fell into place. I was happy for many years. It wasn't until things changed in our relationship that I found myself attracted to a woman again. Once that happened it grew inside me until I had to tell someone. The rest is history.

 

It much more than "expects", it is more "comply or reject, punish, and torment for my generation. Some were beaten and some died, many more lives simply destroyed.

I know for me society laughing about the "gay plauge" or news reports... (Mathew Shepherd) kept me terrified to come out.

Even here in liberal MA I know gay, married couples who will not do a PDA as they don't want to risk a nice day being spoiled by an idiot.

Society is brutal to minorities.

Tom

 

I did it because I slept with a female and got her pregnant and wanted to do the right thing I only went out with her because of a dare I no that's no a good reason but I was young and dumb

 

That's the biggest problem, isn't it...we all want to do the 'right thing'. Then stuff like this happens. I'm sorry. :icon_sad: (*hug*)

 

Yep. Did what parents and society expected. I never knew there was any other box but the one I was brought up in. It took me three marriages and 25 years to find other boxes…and I kind of like most of them, or none of them, or the bits in between…
Thankfully my current partner and I have always been polyamorous, so other people and experiences are an option…I've had a few...but now I live in the middle of no where and never socialize :/

 

I kinda wish I lived in the middle of nowhere..or a commune in the middle of nowhere...but that's just me. I get more support from forums like this than in rl.

 

You usually want to live up to the expectations of your parents and the peers who surround you, even if the world today is more tolerant than it was back when some of us older people were growing up different. Sometimes you don't have a strong self-image to KNOW what you are, so you assume that everyone else getting married to women around you feels the same way that you do, that it is normal to feel ambivalent or not have a strong sexual attraction to women, because YOU don't know what "normal" is, having never experienced it. So, you just go with the flow and do what they did. Then, 3 years later, you are more mature or have some kind of male contact, and bang, you know what you are missing all of a sudden.

You can "fix" your situation rather easily being married only 3 years and with no kids. Don't worry about WHY it happened, just explain yourself to your wife and free both of you up to get with the right kind of partner. You are are doing neither of you a favor by stretching things out and wasting both of your times.

 

Fear of rejection

 

Even if you liked boys as a kid, you didn't necessarily realize that that was it for you. Don't beat yourself up. You made a mistake. Think about how many straight people don't last in marriages. They didn't even have this issue. The only thing you can do now is set it right for yourself and your wife. It isn't an unchangeable situation. It is a really tough place to be in, but you can get out of it, hopefully with your friendship in tact.

Keep posting. We are here for you

 

I did as society and family expected which cause a lot of personal pain. I knew I was living a lie and perpetuating it until I just couldn't lie anymore.