Are you looking to get married again, this time Gay

I'd like to...then I think about what it was like living with someone who has borderline personality disorder for 20 years, then I recoil in horror and hyperventilate...

I kind of actually like being on my own...

 

Yeah, the furthest thing from my mind.

Which doesn't mean I'm opposed to it or that I wouldn't be happy to if I met the right guy or anything like that. But seeking that out as an explicit goal/need feels completely counterproductive to building a truly deep, intimate relationship, if I'm being completely honest. That need/societal pressure/whatever was at least part of why I got married in the first place, even though there was also plenty of love and affection and other great stuff too.

---------- Post added 10th Oct 2014 at 09:48 AM ----------

I've always either had roommates or lived with wife/girlfriend. This is the first time I've ever lived alone. There are some new challenges to it, but I'm really starting to like it quite a lot as well.

---------- Post added 10th Oct 2014 at 09:48 AM ----------

 

It WAS the furthest thing from my mind. I had some major misconceptions when I got into my straight marriage about what it meant to be gay (I was POSITIVE that meeting the right woman would make all those feelings for guys irrelevant), but once married, I was very much committed to making it a lifetime thing. The decision to come out was a long time coming, but was the result of years of being married to someone whose outlook and personality was vastly different from my own. (And like greatwhale's ex, she definitely shows most of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder.) After 20 years of that, venturing out into the great gay unknown seemed at least a tiny bit less terrifying than spending the rest of my life in my marriage, and I had every intention and expectation that I'd be unattached for a very, very long time once I figured out all the logistics of splitting. And the thought seemed wildly appealing and a huge relief.

The cosmic joke, of course, is that a few months after coming out to her, I met up with a guy whose emotions and attitudes were as similar to mine as my hers were different, and we are so insanely compatible (and not in a boring way, either) that we can't imagine NOT getting married to each other. It wasn't the plan, for either of us. Not even slightly. Life, though, is what happens when you're busy making other plans. If you stake your happiness on specific relationships or events that may be beyond your control, you might be very disappointed. But if you take life as it comes and find something positive in what you get, you'll be happy, relationship/marriage or not.

 

Well said, CB. I'm definitely not seeking it out, but I'm open to the idea. If I meet a great guy who rocks my world, then sure. But I also know that there are some odds not in my favor but I refuse to let that get in the way of my happiness.

Also, right at this point I would have some concerns that I'd recreate in some way the dynamic that existed in my marriage. I need some time to figure that all out too.

There's a lot of different ways to find and define love.

 

Really positive plan, CF. Sensible and realistic too. I, too, was petrified that I'd end up with Marriage 1.XX turning into Marriage 1.XY instead of Marriage 2.0. And I hate to sound perpetually like Little Mary Sunshine, but the attitudes we take towards our lives really determine whether or not we're happy. Criticize the world, wait for someone to pick you up off the floor, and decide that you'll only ever be happy if you find Mr. (or Ms.) Right, and you're really setting yourself up to be unhappy and bitter and lonely. If you're determined to keep your mind open and make the very best out of your life, chances are good that you WILL.

OK, I'll can the rainbows and unicorns before I send everyone into sugar shock. :lol:

 

I would have to be really in love with him first and I would take my time and make sure he is the right one ! Then yes I would marry again !

 

Definitely am heading down that path with my boyfriend! I think of all the great times and all the great mistakes I made in my first marriage, and with that experience I can potentially eliminate so much of the mistakes being true to who I am, with someone that is a perfect fit for me, there is no other choice for me but to make the dive!

 

Yep! I kinda think along the lines of "be the change you want to see in the world". Who am I likely to be interested in? Someone who's smart, is interested in the world around us, who is funny and makes me laugh, who is his own person and who can surprise me with new things, who cares about himself and others, who brings joy to life...etc etc

Seems to me that the best way to find a guy like that is to be a guy like that.

 

Brother it sounds like we've lived similar lives on that front. i'd like to find "someone" but marriage? do i really need to be hit in the head with a hammer to know it's gonna hurt?:bang: