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I hate myself and feel I will never be happy

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by penguinparty, Oct 11, 2014.

  1. penguinparty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    as the title says, my fear is that I will never be in a happy couple and never have a family on my own. I'm 27, I recently met a girl I had a short but intense relationship 5 years ago. Back in the day, I was madly scared because I didn't want to be bisexual, I didn't want to be with another woman. When I was with her it was moving and beautiful, but at the same time I felt SO WRONG, so ill, so crazy. So not-normal. I had this feeling of wanting to throw up after having spent time with her. It was overwhelming. Now this time when I saw her, she tenderly embraced me and I felt so happy and at the same time so lost.... I'm scared. I want to be normal, I want to be accepted and loved by my family, I want somebody lo love me back the same way I do. And I'm sure this will never happen, Because it never happened before. I'm afraid that I will never again be able to fall in love with a man, and that women will never love me. I have a best friend (boy) who would be such a perfect match for me, a loving, smart person. But I don't feel anyphysical attraction to him. I've been so attracted to other boys but they where not in love with me. There always seems to be something wrong with me. I'm attracted to a very specific kind of men, the others don't make me feel anything. While I find phisically attractive a far larger number of different women. I find them generally more beautiful and it's easier to have an emotional connection with them. I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to find a love which is not one sided. I don't understand if it's just bad luck, or if my brain doesn't work properly. Sorry for all this nonsense, I'm juste really sad today....i was trying to see more clear inside my head
     
  2. Hungry

    Hungry Guest

    It's understandable that you're sad and confused its a lot to take in when you realize your feelings.

    I assure you, you're normal and there is nothing wrong with you mentally for liking women. You can only take things one day at a time. It's easier for some people to accept themselves and some people have an easier time explaining to friends and family than others but it is your choice whether you tell them or not.

    It's up to you, how you live your life and what you choose. But choose to do things you think will make you happy. It's not worth trying to please other people if it makes you feel even worse.

    I once felt that I was different and that everyone could see my secret and nobody would accept me or love me. It wasn't true and in time I learnt to accept myself.

    You have to learn to love yourself.

    Love yourself first and worry about loving other people and letting other people love you later. You don't need to do anything or tell anyone anything until you have an idea of what you want.

    I'm sure many other people have felt or are feeling the same way you are in this forum so know that you are not alone.
     
  3. quietman702

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    WV, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I empathize with you penguinparty it is scary but I have belief in you to get there. As Hungry said well "You have to learn to love yourself. Love yourself first and worry about loving other people and letting other people love you later. You don't need to do anything or tell anyone anything until you have an idea of what you want."