Advice needed on age difference

Mace.

1. Age is just a number, if you connect intellectually and emotionally, go for it;
2. My partner is 27, I am 44, it works great for us. There is no one else in this world i can think of wanting to be with.

We have had a lot of discussions about the age factor, and in the end, it works for us, and we are fine with it.

 

It's pretty hard to call.. I do believe relationships with an age gap can work out but they're tricky. If both of you were comfortable and committed for the right reasons then there of course is a chance it could work, but you can never predict the future.

When I say committed for the right reasons, I mean entering a relationship despite an age difference, not because of an age difference. I made this mistake when I was 17, with an incredibly hot 25 year old. Despite having great intimate relations, we lived in two separate worlds.

I hope it does work out for you if you do get together!!

 

USUK is completely correct, age is just a number.

How many years it has been since we have crawled from our mothers womb does not tell us what events have happened in our lives to help shape us as a person. Age will be unable to tell you if you make each other happy, and if you will work out. That's where your heart comes in.

So if you two are happy together, and you feel there's something real here, go for it!

 

As the columnist Dan Savage often advises:
You should treat a younger person in a relationship like a campsite in the forest- always leave it better than you found it.
Although, it doesn't sound as if you would want to leave him anyway. So the question is really about risking the friendship, in hopes of finding more. I say, go for it. If you were 54 and he was 18, my advice would be different, but you two are not vastly separated in age. You are both adults. He has shown his interest. Give it a shot. Even if it doesn't work out, it's not automatic that you can't still be friends.

 

KazeKitten said it perfectly.

Sometimes you might have to remind yourself that he's younger, and to be patient because he doesn't have the same experience, or needs to figure things out on his own a little.

Go and be happy, don't worry about the age difference. It will work itself out!

 

I've always thought the "age is just a number" line is crap. Age matters in any number of ways. But 44/28 is fine. He's fully an adult. You are not so much older that you don't share common experiences or physical limitations. Go for it!

 

The older you get, the less it matters. I am 52 and my partner is 41. Not a gigantic difference, but if I was 30 and he was 19, it might be a little weird (and not too much younger and it would be illegal too). A lot of it depends on the maturity level and motivations of the people involved. Yes, there are opportunistic people out there who want a trophy boyfriend or a sugar daddy, and yes, there are damaged people who want a surrogate parent or child. Get to know the person before you make a big emotional investment.

Despite our 11-year difference, my guy and I are very well-suited for one another, with many similar interests and attitudes, and really nothing that would make anyone think something was "off" about our relationship. I know a straight couple that is 20 years apart and I can't imagine either of them with anyone else. If it works, you usually can tell.

 

Don't think it could work out long term, but thats just me personally, you will be aging when he is just entering the middle of his life.

 

And that is a very specific discussion I had with my partner. Eyes wide open as they say. The reality is, he has tried dating guys his age, and he is simply more mature than those of a similar age to him. Given his level of maturity, he is easily able to keep up with me.

As is relatively obvious, the gay dating scene is quite complicated. In the end, if you fall in love, run with it.

 

Of course he can, but is that any different if it were a straight couple? I don't think so. Relationships sometimes start in the weirdest ways. It's your job to determine how genuine he is being with both himself and you, and make sure your both on an equal footing relationship wise. I am sure he will be doing the same.

 

Plenty of examples of long term relationships with that age difference that work.

Could the relationship be based on confused feelings? Sure. So what. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Plenty of relationships that have everything going for them don't work out. What's the harm in trying things? This is not an irrevocable life choice.

 

Hi,

I don't buy the aging infirmity argument in age-relationship.

Injury, disease, or disability is a risk at any age.

Some marry despite a known bad prognosis.

Head and hearts in correct place is enough.

Tom

 

I just spent the weekend with an Australian gay mens group some single and some in relationships, some of the gap were high; I think the biggest difference was 33 years old, but there were a few that were 10-20 years age difference.

Another gay friend of mine was with a guy for 20 years and they had a 13 year age difference, and he said he wouldn't have changed it for the world.

So try it; I think the biggest hurdle is going to be with yourself in trying to make it work.

You being the tower of strength with that person; is that really a problem.

Go for it.

 

As an aside I noticed your age at 44 and your number of posts at 28...

The age difference is not extreme, and you are both adults. Yes you are both in the thrall of a new relationship and yes, he does see you as his "saviour", so you have properly considered those pitfalls.

The best advice I can give however, for what it's worth, is that you yourself need to completely respect his role as an equal partner in this relationship. I know you have considered this, but I can tell you that the temptation to take charge "because you are older and have seen this" will be tremendous. And this is precisely where the greatest danger to the relationship lies.

If you can be completely receptive (not necessarily accepting) of all that he proposes, including, most importantly, the little things; if you can both agree on how money will be spent (a big point of contention when one earns more than the other), if you can agree on your outside activities, and if you can respect each other's friends and family (he will no doubt come with a whole assortment of less-mature peers and you will no doubt come with an assortment of possibly judgmental/jealous ones)...then maybe it can work...the operative words being "work" and "mindfulness".

 

I agree with everything Chip says to say the least. However, I think most people would understand that the comment of "age is just a number" is nothing more than a figure of speech not to be taken literally, and it's important that any relationship, regardless of age, be balanced between the intellectual and emotional compatibility of the two individuals.

 

I believe it can work, even though I'm 58 I relate very well with guys in their late 30's physically and emotionally.