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One year since coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Spaceman, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. Spaceman

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    Today marks exactly one year since I came out to my wife. It's easily been the most difficult and emotionally draining year of my life. But I've grown in ways I never would have imagined and had experiences I've been waiting a lifetime to have. Here are some of the milestones of the past year:

    • Came out to my wife after 16 of years of marriage…the hardest thing I've ever done.
    • Agreed to move out of the family home.
    • Told our kids that I’m is moving out. The second hardest thing I've ever done.
    • Came out to my parents.
    • Came out to some close friends.
    • Moved to three different apartments.
    • Started building friendships with other gay men.
    • Kissed a guy for the first time.
    • Had my first gay sexual experience.
    • Unexpectedly ended up in a relationship…my first boyfriend.
    • Went to a gay bar for the first time.
    • Went to a gay beach for the first time.
    • Went to a leather bar for the first time.
    • Held hands with a guy in public.
    • Went to my first Pride.
    • Survived my first gay breakup.
    • Decided not to fight my wife's plan to move with the kids to be near her family.
    • Sold the family home.
    • Found a new job in the town where the kids are.
    • Moved yet again.

    There's still more to come… mediation, divorce, telling the kids I'm gay, rebuilding a social network in my new town. But now I'm confident I can handle whatever life throws at me. Coincidentally, today was also my first day on the new job and I think it's going to be good.

    EC has been a major source of support over the past year. Thanks to all of you who make this such an amazing place.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Sounds like an intense year! Great job on your first year out.

    I thought telling my kids I was gay was going to be the hardest thing for me to do. In fact, the divorce discussion was harder and impacted them more. They have no concerns about me being gay.

    Good luck with your discussion with them, I hope you already had the hard discussion and they take your coming out as well as my kids did with me.
     
  3. Frkldbklvr45

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    There is hope in my eyes when I read about your year. That it is possible to do those hard things and come out alive. It makes me want to get closer to that line. :slight_smile:

    Good Luck!
     
  4. Choirboy

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    Intense year! But worth it in the end to be able to be who you really are. And yeah, the kids may be a lot easier than you think. Mine are a couple years older than yours, but they have been so accepting that we can even joke about it. I never would have imagined, for instance, talking about maybe seeing Dolphin Tale 2 and agreeing that the youngest daughter had dibs on the lead boy, the oldest called the hunky cousin, and I got Harry Connick Jr. Being able to just be casual and open instead of hiding and holding back--with the kids or anyone else--is a perk that I didn't expect, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. But you already know that. Good for you!
     
  5. Sek

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    Wow! You seem like you can really handle yourself emotionally. What a brave thing you did, and what a year you've been through. I don't know how I'd cope. All the best to you in the future. :slight_smile:
     
  6. greatwhale

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    Wow spaceman, awesome year!

    Seems we all have to go through intense times to make meaningful change in our lives, this, in addition to the regular upheavals that affect us and those we love, are also there to intrude upon our best-laid plans.

    It all comes down to this, instead of fearing uncertainty and chance, embrace it, otherwise you will miss a lot more than you should!
     
  7. clovis

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    Your post gives me hope that I can follow in your footsteps! Thanks for sharing!
     
  8. Highlander2

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    @spaceman, congratulations and well done. It's now a year since I did the same. Pretty much did a lot of what you've got on your list too (except the leather bar and gay beach part... :wink: ) and it feels liberating to be at the year milestone and look back at what's gone before and where I am now.

    Hopefully things just continue to get better for all of us.:eusa_clap