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therapy now.....

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Frkldbklvr45, Oct 15, 2014.

  1. Frkldbklvr45

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    So recently, I have been experiencing these weird sensations that flow from my lower stomach down through my groin, along the insides of my legs to the arches in my feet. It stays for a few minutes and feels kind like bad goosebumps. It is not pleasant and it scares me. I usually get them thinking about events from the past or reading a book and a character is going through a hurtful time. (emotionally, or physically) Even a small hurtful event in a book does it to me. I have been to the doctor and eliminated it being anything physical, so my jump into therapy.

    So I started a few weeks ago(about 4 sessions) and believe me I have a ton stuff on my plate, and a ton things to work out, but when I get in there I clam up. I cant talk, I cant think, I wring my hands and my anxiety is out of control. The last few sessions are her breathing and me trying to follow in her rhythm.

    What the hell is wrong with me? I just cant break through and talk. She is a very nice person and I feel safe there so why cant I say something. We have talked about my family and dog but cant break through to the heavy stuff. It's like I can't put thoughts into words in her office.

    ahhhh!!! It took me so long to take the step to get in there and now I feel I am sabotaging it. It's like a deep rut that my wheels keep finding. No matter how far out the tire gets to begin that new road, I get sucked right back in there. It's messy and I don't want to live in that rut anymore. I am very unhappy.

    How did you break through?, what did it take?, Am I wasting my money? seriously hate myself for not being able to speak. ugh
     
  2. Tallu

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    Would she be the first person you outed yourself to?

    I don't think you are wasting your money if you like your therapist and feel comfortable talking about some things, at least. I was never a good therapy patient, but I truly think I just had bad therapists. Well, except for one gigantically tall hippie social worker that my mother sent me to after my dad died. She thought I was withdrawing into myself too much. But I was only 14 then and could not really appreciate he was a good therapist so I pretty much blew the opportunity.

    I'm sure you have scoured online looking for similar symptoms and panic attacks. Do they offer any ideas? I know this has to be affecting your quality of life. :frowning2: If chatting online helps, I'm around a lot this weekend. Take care!
     
  3. bingostring

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    You probably fear a tidal wave of "stuff" bursting out - is that why you clam up??

    If you start with a small thing to talk about and then gradually build up over the sessions it will come a lot easier.

    Depending on the type of therapy, maybe she would be open to you writing down headings of what you want to talk about ??

    Good luck - hope things improve soon, very soon
     
  4. Really

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    I was also going to suggest taking notes in with you. What if you went over your posts here and printed some out? Highlight the points you want to work on and bring it with you. Tell her you're a bit nervous so are having a hard time starting but maybe you could just pick one and start "in the middle".
    Good luck!
     
  5. nerdbrain

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    Having seen a number of therapists over the years, a few considerations:

    - Is the therapist herself gay? This may affect your ability to be open with her; at some level you may feel she won't really "get it."

    - Gender of the therapist. Some people prefer same gender, some opposite. This isn't about sexual orientation as much as it is about trust/intimacy/safety.

    - Style of therapy. Does she have a particular approach or perspective she brings to the table?

    Also, have you tried writing (other than here on EC)? Sometimes you just have so much shit in your mind it's hard to know where to start, especially when the clock is ticking on a brief therapy session. Dumping it all out beforehand may bring some clarity.

    Good luck!
     
  6. AAASAS

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    I honestly, and this may sound like stupid advice, pretended to be someone I wasn't when I was in therapy, I pretended that I wasn't shy about telling people personal stuff, and it actually worked for me. I opened up to my therapist about everything right away, though he really hasn't been much of a help, I know his heart is there.

    I was unbelievably nervous at first when meeting him, he isn't gay, he doesn't deal with gay people, ....etc, but I sort of went into his office with some kind of fake pompous attitude that I had everything worked out and it actually helped me to open up, I just didn't accept any thoughts of nervousness, I completely shut them out and didn't let them complete themselves in my minds narrative.
     
  7. Frkldbklvr45

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    Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I am going to take your advice and bring in my posts to get it going. If that doesn't work then WooEEE I will try your method. hahaha Not sure I want to try and pretend to be someone else as that is what I have done for 25 yrs but, if it gets me talking I'll try anything.
    Thanks again you guys.
     
  8. greatwhale

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    For what it's worth, you may also try to refer to yourself in the third person, it's weird, but it appears to be easier to be more objective about your judgments and evaluations when it is like you are talking about someone else.
     
  9. Frkldbklvr45

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    (*hug*)
    Update.....today was my appt. and the dam broke. and I mean broke. I gave her my posts and she said she would read them later. I then burst into tears and that got the ball rollin. However you get there I guess.
    Thank you all again for the great suggestions and support. I really appreciate it.
     
  10. Really

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    Oh my! In for a penny, in for a pound. You'll be getting your money's worth now! (Oh, yeah. And feeling better real soon.) Well done.