another one who fell for a girl

Hello everyone. This year I fell in love with a girl and my situation is very complicated. It has been quite a journey. I identified as straight until this point, now I'm 100% sure I'm not and would feel comfortable being out and dating a woman.

I have a long term boyfriend. We were planning on getting married soon until my girl crush happened. He knows about her and is unsure of how our relationship will pan out now.

It started as an intense crush on a lesbian coworker and now she and I are super attached and have some kind of thing going on, but it's really complicated. She reciprocates my feelings, but when we actually had a conversation about where things were going, she said that she didn't think it could be anything more than friends. I got really upset and tried to cut her out of my life because I can't be just friends when my heart is already that involved with someone. Well that didn't work so well because we work together and I have to see her and it would make things too weird.

I told her why I tried to cut her off and that it's not healthy for me to be so attached. She said she likes being attached. The few days that I actually cut her off, I felt like I was going through a breakup and it was extremely hard. I don't feel like I can let her go. I've never felt such an extreme connection and such intense feelings for someone.

We're now at a point where it feels like a relationship without a label and I know I could get burned and probably lose her and my boyfriend. She and I text constantly when we're not together, she wants to hangout whenever we have free time, she admits she has more than just friend feelings for me, buys me little gifts, wants to take me on trips, and just all around treats me like I'm her significant other. Things have gotten physical, but we have not had sex. Yet she was the one that told me she didn't see how an actual relationship could work. There are obvious and logical reasons it wouldn't work: we work together, I have a boyfriend, and she still lives with her ex gf. But it's like why tell me we can't be more than friends because you can't see it going anywhere and then continue to pursue more. We are obviously more than just friends.

I don't know what this place is that we are in right now or where it's going. It's scary and I'm in too deep. I'm just kind of drifting along and not sure where I'm going to end up. It scares me, but I feel like I would leave my relationship and even my job to be with her if it were possible, but those are my feelings talking and it doesn't seem like a wise life choice.

 

Thanks for the hug. Yeah, tangled mess is exactly what this is. Of all the times, places, and people to fall for, I apparently made it as complicated as possible! No, I couldn't just be simple and be single, fall for someone I don't work with, and fall for a guy. That would just be too easy and too boring!

Hugs back since you said you're in a tangled mess also. Hope it works out for both of us!

 

That thread was very enlightening, thanks.